***** THE CAREGIVER'S HEART

GIVE ME A HEART OF PRAYER

2009-12-08T22:19:00.002-05:00

Well, it started this way. I was laying in bed praying one of those generic sort of prayers, you know the kind, not exactly a, "now I lay me down to sleep…" sort of prayer, but a, "bless my children and my friends and Uncle Tom and Dick and Mary, etc. etc. etc." sort of prayer.
I'm sure you know the kind.
there I was, praying, or what passes for prayer for some of us, when I asked the Lord a dumb question. (I, unlike most of you, have asked a lot of dumb questions in my 75 years.)
I prayed, "lord, how much time do you want me to spend in prayer?"
Immediately, as in answer to my question, into my mind flashed, "pray without ceasing!" O.K., that's sorta direct Lord, but He wasn't quite finished with me 'cause, almost as an addendum he added, "Yes, pray without ceasing, and remember, you are praying not only for yourself but Nancy as well."
(That is something He is good at, getting personal.)
O.K. Lord, but what does that mean, pray without ceasing? And He answered, "Have a heart of prayer!"
Wow, He has not only healed my heart, saved my life, but He is restoring me to complete health, and for what purpose? For me alone? I don't think so! Could it be So that I might be a channel of His love to others!
"Pray without ceasing." O.K. Father, give me a heart of prayer. Give me a heart of love. Give me a heart of mercy, give me a heart of patience, turn my heart to you.
I still haven't quite got it, the "pray without ceasing" thing but I at least am leaning in the right direction.
One thing I have discovered is that when one prays, I mean really prays, like as in, talking with Papa God, you are apt to say some things that at first don't seem quite, well, respectful.
What I mean by that is when you ask to hear His voice. That is getting sort of, well...personal, if you know what I mean.
But that's what I prayed, "Papa God, please let me hear your voice, let me sense your presence!"
Pray that prayer and then try to keep doing the things that you know you shouldn't do. It ain't easy, at least not for me.
Another thing I ask is for Him, being God, to walk with me and then I carry that a step further, "Papa God, dance with me!"
There are those times when I have been so filled with joy at His presence, usually when I am alone, that I dance with a joy and a wild abandon.
Try it sometime.
When you are walking in the woods and you know no one is watching, (We really don't want to be locked up in a local booby hatch do we?) raise your hands over your head, throw your head back, smile, and skip and whirl and jump and hop and praise Him who is worthy of all praise.
Hey, perhaps you were thinking you were alone but you are never alone. As you smile and laugh and skip and jump, praising the one who is most Holy, joy filled angels are dancing with you.
Man, I like that idea!

THE BRAIN CLOUD, A TERMINAL ILLNESS?

2009-11-17T06:20:00.002-05:00

If you have a brain cloud please keep reading. If you don't believe you have a brain cloud keep reading anyway because you probably do and are in deep denial.

Joe, Tom Hanks' character in the movie, "Joe vs. the volcano" is a dyed in the wool hypochondriac. He goes to a doctor who tells him that he has a "brain cloud" and only has six months to live.

Joe expresses relief at this "good"news. He always knew something was wrong with him and this brilliant Doctor has confirmed it by agreeing with him!

I absolutely love joe's response to the Doctor's diagnosis. Joe says, "So, I'm not sick except for this terminal disease!"

The Doctor reassures Joe with the words, "You have some time left, my advice to you is, live it well."

That seems to be pretty good advice for everybody, no matter the circumstances, no matter the difficulty. "You have some time left, my advice to you is, live it well."

One day I found Nanny standing in the middle of the living room with an expression of confusion on her face.

There are those times in the past when a blank look precluded a seizure where she would just collapse, unconscious to the floor but this was different, simply confusion.

She glanced at me as I asked her what was wrong and then she said in that little girl voice, "I wanted to vacuum the floor but I lost the vacuum cleaner?"

Gently, with a smile, I said, 'Honey, turn around."
She looked at me questioningly and I repeated myself. "Nanny, turn around and look behind you sweetheart."

Now what I really wanted to say at that point was, "Well turn around and look behind you, you dingbat!" But I didn't. I chose the more gentle approach, this time.

She slowly turned. The vacuum was standing behind her no more than three feet away.
She looked at me, still that look of confusion wrinkling her brow.

I pointed at the vacuum cleaner and asked, "Is that what you're looking for honey?"

Then her eyes lit up as she smiled and clapped her hands like a little child as she exclaimed, "Oh, there it is!"

How does one lose an upright vacuum cleaner that is standing within arms reach?

Easy when you are having difficulty keeping things organized. Easy when you forget where you are. Easy when nothing comes easy anymore. Easy when you sometimes forget who you are.

I guess you can learn to appreciate the little things because the incident with the vacuum cleaner turned out good, she at least remembered that she was looking for the vacuum cleaner.

So, I've got to ask you, who has the brain cloud, Nanny because she is ill, or me because I'm a grumpy old poop? (Nanny agrees with the grumpy old poop part.)

"HOORAY,I'M SICK, WATCH GOD HEAL ME!"

2009-11-07T16:38:00.002-05:00

"HOORAY, I'M SICK, WATCH GOD HEAL ME!"

Or, ATTITUDE 101

Well, where do I start? I suppose I should start about three weeks ago when I received a phone call from my baby sister, Dr. Pinky Doodle. (it drives her crazy when I call her that but I like to think that I am doing my part to keep her humble) Anyway, I get this phone call telling me that my 94 year old mama has been diagnosed with breast cancer.
My first question to myself was, "What business does a 94 year old woman have getting breast cancer?" My next question to myself was, "Do 94 year old women get breast cancer?" And my third question was…well, I don't know if there was a third question, after all, #1 and #2 were enough! Now most folks are some put out when they get news like that but not my mama, she says, "well now, I've lived a long and abundant life and if I go to sleep now it's o.k. 'cause I'll be with papa again and we will have all sort of good times together!" That is sort of paraphrased but you get the idea; she isn't afraid of the grim reaper, not a little bit.
Anyway, mama decided at first not to do anything about it but my sisters prevailed upon her to have a partial mastectomy and the doctor removed a tumor the size of a golf ball from her left breast. This is where the story gets rich. Mama has this sweet relationship with Papa God, they are on first name terms and they talk a lot and have real good times together so mama goes into the operating room singing praises to God and when she woke up the first thing she did was sing praises to God. Mama is an inspiration to most folks and a frustration to a few mean, nasty old farts but, please God, help me to know you like my mama knows you! 94 years old, (she weighs about as many pounds,) this little lady has more Christianity in her little finger than most folks ever dreamed of. She gives, not out of her abundance, she just gives. She sings, she quotes poetry, she plays the piano, she quotes entire chapters of the bible because it has become part of her. I could go on and on and on about my mama.
The doctor told my sis that mama could last several more years just because of her attitude!
Oh well, I sure am pleased to be Mrs. Towne's little boy!
You have a good day now ya hear,
Chaz

SUGER ADDICTION

2009-10-31T09:06:00.002-04:00

Long before those decked out goblins and ghouls and superheroes arrive on doorsteps this Hollow’s Eve many adults will have dipped into their stock of candy. Though intended for trick-or-treaters, the majority of adults admit to purchasing their personal favorites during the biggest candy selling holiday of the year, expected to exceed $2.2 billion. This year the average American adult will consume about 160 pounds of sugar, despite ever growing awareness about its pernicious effects, ranging from diabetes to obesity. Could we be addicted to sugar?

It’s possible, according to Princeton University researchers who have studied the signs of sugar addiction in rats. They’ve shown that rats bingeing on sugar demonstrated the three elements of addiction: a behavioral pattern of increased intake and changes in brain chemistry; signs of withdrawal and further changes in brain chemistry upon deprivation; and, signs of cravings and relapse after withdrawal is over. Lead Researcher Bart Hoebel said sugar triggers the production of the brain’s natural opioids, and the rats become addicted just as they would to cocaine, alcohol, and nicotine. Do you have a sugar dependency you want to eliminate? Do you find yourself engaged unhealthy patterns such eating while watching television?

Pay attention to the messages you are sending yourself. When you make a statement, your brain searches its vast network and the world around to validate what you say and determine whether the statement is true or not. For instance, the statements “I have no willpower” or “I can’t stop eating sweets” automatically causes your brain to search for and find validation based on your limiting beliefs. The key is to ask questions and make statements that invite the tremendous power of your brain to seek positive outcomes and solutions.

Next time you’re about to cave in to an unhealthy craving or habit, ask yourself the following questions.

* How would I feel if I didn’t eat this sugary snack?
* What have I learned from my sugar dependency?
* In what ways have I already demonstrated possession of my desired healthy eating habits?

Place your questions in highly visible locations, such as near the refrigerator or next to the remote control. Consistent reminders will result in a noticeable shift in focus—from negative to positive.

Sugar intake lessons our mental, emotional and spiritual resistance.

(One thing the article didn't mention was prayer!)

A TRIBUTE TO MY WIFE

2009-10-15T14:51:00.000-04:00

Thank you Papa God for giving Nanny to me, I thank you for my Nancy, my wife..
Nan is an absolute wonder, one of God's miracles.
She might be a bit childlike at times but then there are so many of those around her who are acting so damned "mature" they have forgotten what its like to be like little children, and who wants to be around people like that?.
The world is so full of grumpy old farts it's nice to be around someone who likes to laugh at the antics of a butterfly, and praises God's handiwork no matter how simple, and whether I deserve it or not I know that she loves me.
While illness has perhaps made her more innocent it has made her more gracious at the same time.
She smiles and praises God when other folks, supposedly with everything going for them, are frowning and complaining.
She finds reason to laugh when others are bitching and moaning.
She forgets so many things but she remembers my name.
It might be dark but there is always a light in her eyes and when she whispers, "I love you!" My heart overflows with joy.
She demands little, expects little, asks for little, is content with little and gives much.
My Nanny has multiple sclerosis and Alzhiemer's disease and I am probably going to be in the kingdom of God because of her.
She teaches me, she teaches me patience, mercy, tenderness, compassion. These are some of the things she is teaching me and though I am a slow learner, I am learning. This then is my wife, my Nanny, and I love her
Thank you Papa God for giving Nanny to me, I thank you for my Nancy, my wife.

SAINT CAREGIVER

2009-10-09T17:48:00.001-04:00

Well now, several years have passed in this caregiver's life. They have at times been frustrating years and then there have been some interesting years mixed with few tumultuous years, but one thing I can say for sure, there have been absolutely no dull years.
Care giving has its lessons, lessons in humility, lessons in patience, lessons in endurance, (mental and emotional endurance that is.) And If degrees are ever awarded for care giving I just might qualify for at least a bachelors degree. (But then, I am sure, when we get to heaven caregivers are going to be awarded honorary degrees along with a big gold button with, HONORARY DOCTOR OF MERCY printed on it and Papa God himself is going to pin the buttons on us. Yes, I think I'd like that.
Care givers? I imagine that Papa God must really love care givers, after all, He has been giving care to a lot of sick folks for a lot longer than I have and He seems to be pretty good at it too.
And something else, I imagine that caregivers are going to be awarded sainthood. Yep, just like mother Theresa and Francis, after all, one of the qualifications for sainthood from what I understand are miracles and in every caregiver's life there are an absolute abundance of miracles. They might be small miracles but miracles nonetheless, like showing a spirit of compassion and mercy or smiling in the face of hardship or yielding one's own desires for the needs of another, and I could go on and on but I won't because saints are humble and we all know that I am blessed with great humility.

LIFE, A GUIDE FOR THE SIMPLE MINDED

2009-10-02T19:26:00.002-04:00

There are those times that I think that I have lived my life according to that famous manual, LIFE, A GUIDE FOR THE SIMPLE MINDED, or, THE IDIOTS GUIDE TO LIFE.
Boy, I have goofed a lot in life. Yes, I goofed, and having goofed I goofed again and again, ad nauseum. But, having goofed I have learned and I imagine I am the better man for having goofed and I find that it is not so often that the goofs repeat themselves. And there is that other thing about goofing. Often I goofed when trying…! "Ohhh!" You might say "well, there's proof positive that you are an idiot! If you hadn't tried you would never have goofed!" To which I might reply, "Yes, you are right, but then if I had not tried and goofed and tried again, and perhaps goofed again, I would never have succeeded and if that were the case I would not have lived therefore living is very connected to trying and… yes, goofing?"
Why is it that we humans are so often satisfied with the mundane, the mediocre. We crawl along through life on our bellies just killing time until that day when we can take that last gasp and fade into the night. We go through life aspiring to little, challenging little, and … receiving little, because we expect little.
There have been those times that I found myself whimpering and whining due to my caregiver status but do you know what? Every day I learn something new about life, and about living life, and I learn something new about myself. Do I like being a caregiver? Hell no! I might be crazy but I'm not stupid. But ask me if I love my wife and I have to say, yes, a thousand times yes. She is my sweetheart, my companion, my? Well, she is precious to me.
You know, I don't know of anyone that doesn't like a real good banana split now and then but you want to know something, a steady diet of banana splits would very soon lead to revulsion for the thing that was so sweet a while ago. Sometimes we need a little sour in life in order to appreciate the sweet and do you know what? Care giving can be pretty sweet at times, yes Life is pretty darned sweet
Chaz

"WHY SURE, I CAN FIX THAT!"

2009-09-13T20:55:00.000-04:00

"WHY SURE, I CAN FIX THAT!"
We caregivers become accustomed to taking our loved ones to the Doctor's office. From my own experience as listed below I must admit to having become just a tad calloused.
Perhaps I should call this, "A VISIT TO THE WITCH DOCTOR!"
The doctor informs me in a serious, no nonsense tone of voice, "Well now, the first thing we are going to want to do here is get some blood work done."
Ten days later the receptionist calls to tell me that the results of my blood work has come in and the doctor wants to see me.
I am ushered in to one of the dozen, now familiar waiting rooms and the nurse checks my weight, my blood pressure, my oxygen level and my temperature and informs me that the doctor will see me shortly
Fifteen minutes later the doctor rushes in and glances at me, shakes my hand and turns to my two inch thick file.
"Well now, let's see what we have here." Oh yes, you have an elevated cholesterol level, but I can fix that, and your PSA level is out of normal range so I want you to see a urologist just to be safe." At the end of my allotted fifteen minutes I leave the office with three prescriptions, each written with the promise that it would "fix that".
Perhaps it's just me but it seems this arbiter of "fix it" spent more time scribbling illegible scrawls on the prescription pad than he spent talking to me and then I was out the door as he repeated this mini drama eighty or more times before he stumbles home to go to bed dreaming of all the people he has "fixed, or treated" that day, or not.
To be "fixed" can have several connotations, most of which leave something to be desired.
If my cat were to understand my meaning and purpose when I tell him I am going to have him "fixed" he would have good reason to vacate the premises with great diligence and haste, and when I take my car to a mechanic and he tells me that the thermilator has congested the frambulator and the scandigamom is ready to explode I take his word for it when he assures me that he can, "fix that."
The modern practice of medicine it seems is based upon the "fix principle." The difficulty we face here is the confusing multitude of meanings in which this seemingly innocuous word is used.
I go to my arbiter of diverse meanings, Roget's Thesaurus, and suddenly I don't know if I want to be "fixed." "Fix" can mean anything from a drug dose to a bribe, defeat, castration, to kill, puncture, punish, ruin, and touch up.
"Touch up" implies a temporary fix, a band aid, and to be honest with you it comes closer to what is practiced in modern medicine than anything I have seen so far.
These "practicioners" of modern medicine are not taught to be "healers," no; they are trained and well paid arbiters of the principle of the status quo.
In their defense on one hand the doctor is not to be blamed because from the very beginning of his education to practice medicine he has been fed and nurtured at the engorged pharmaceutical tit. The drug companies have after all, "proved" that they have the "cure," the, "fix."
The problem with this scenario is that the pharmaceutical companies have invested ten or fifteen years and countless millions of dollars in R&D to come up with a drug, not to cure the disease, but to primarily treat the symptoms of that particular disease.
Hey, this is just good business and it is based on the same principle that the automobile industry builds cars, not to last a lifetime but to deteriorate so they have to be replaced.
"Keep your patients hooked on a drug, dependent upon your little scraps of paper, your "knowledge," not to heal him but to keep him returning month after month, year after year, ad' nauseum and forever, until he finally croaks. But not to worry, there are a lot more gullible fools out there that want to hear those words of hope and promise, "Sure, I can fix that!"

SUPER FOODS TO YOU TOO!!!

2009-09-08T05:41:00.002-04:00

There are certain superfoods that we would be wise to consider for prolonged good health and happiness.

It seems that we hear a lot about acai (pronounced ah-SAH'-ee) lately. It also seems that there are a lot of proprietary blends and brands and prices, enough to lend a lot of confusion to the overall picture.

One might also be persuaded that the more expensive brand is be the most beneficial but I dare say that this is simply not so when Mona Vie sells for in excess of 30 bucks a bottle and sambazon sells for a quarter of that AT ABOUT $7.50 PER BOTTLE

Let's examine this little berry for a moment.

The acai berry originated in the Amazon rainforests of Brazil and is considered to be one of, if not the, most powerful superfoods on the planet.

Key benefits of acai…

#! Acai contains high levels of essential fatty acids (omega 3, omega 6 as well as omega 9) as well as monounsaturated oleic acid.

#2 Acai is super rich in blue pigmented antioxidants. The antioxidant qualities in acai is almost beyond the believable. Acai has one of the highest ORAC ( Oxygen Radical Absorption Capacity) values in the world, earning it the well deserved "superfood" title. In recent tests acai scored a, ORAC value of 185. In comparison, red grapes came in at 11, blueberries at 32, and pomegranates at 105.

#3 Recent test show that acai helps to rebuild and reproduce stem cells. Stem cells help us to rejuvenate and heal faster by becoming any cell that is needed within the body. The more stem cells we produce the faster we regenerate and the longer we live.

#4 Acai is known for its incredible cancer fighting properties.
One recent test showed that acai triggered a self destruct response in cancer cells.

All of these benefits definitely place acai at the top of the superfoods list. Acai helps us by being a marvelous energy booster, it helps nerve and brain function, promotes a healthy cardiovascular system, supports the creation of healthy smooth skin, improves endurance and muscular development, assists with digestive health, increases the power of our immune system, and allows our body to more swiftly rejuvenate.

I have believed for a long time that when the creator, our wonderful Father God, created us He made provision for every possible disease by placing within the world natural cures for that disease, thus we have acai.

There is a lot of pure hype out there promoting certain products such as Mona Vie which tastes terrible, is expensive and quite possibly helps only one person, the individual that is selling it.

If you are going to give acai a chance to bless you my suggestion is to use only an organically grown product and one containing as much of the skin and pulp as possible. I personally like a product called Sambazon which I purchase at our local Publix super market here in Florida and then there is also a product called, Amazon Thunder that I am sure you can find on the internet.
God bless you, heal you, and keep you strong, sweet and happy is my prayer.

Chaz

LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

2009-09-05T20:15:00.000-04:00

When I was very young a friend of my fathers discovered that he was dying of cancer.

Back then being diagnosed with cancer was little more than a death sentence. I can remember the man avoiding his friends until the day that he decided that he was not going to allow the cancer to control him, he was taking control of the cancer.

Dad told me that his friend had said that he was going to live as though he were dying.

I wondered what he meant by that. Was he just going to go quietly into the night without a struggle?

If you discovered that you only had six months left to live what would you do? Would you go to bed and sleep those precious days away? Or would you live?

I learned later that he and his wife started traveling and doing crazy, extravagant, wonderful things. They went to South America and Hawaii. He had dreamed of making love to his wife on the edge of an active volcano and rumor has it he did it in the Aloha state.

His wife had always wanted to go to France so they sold some property and used the money to go to France together. I have no idea what they might have done there but whatever it was they did it together.

Today I know what my father's friend meant when he said, "I am going to live as though I am dying!"

I believe he meant that he was going to accept every moment as precious, as valuable and he was going to live it to the fullest.

He lived another seven, sweet, joyful years when the doctor's had said that he had at most only a few months left and by all evidence those seven years were happy and filled with family. What memories they created in those precious years together.

As caregivers what are we doing with our time? Have we given up? Have we surrendered to the "inevitable"?

Let's live like we are dying for this time is precious, today we are breathing, the sun is shining, we can smile, we can hope.

A couple I know lived together for years. The one lived and gave for the other and the other seemed to be sucking the life from the giver. The giver could never give enough, do enough, be enough.

The giver, out of frustration, desperation and a need to preserve life, ran.

Today, years later, the giver is happy, still the giver, full of life and joy while the other sadly has remained the taker, the user and miserable to the end.

As care givers we must seek help. Yes, it is life preservation. Find the help that you need, don't surrender to the inevitable because the only result therein is misery.

Take control, join a support group, get help, remember, there are good years ahead.

PATIENCE IN CAREGIVING

2009-08-28T10:14:00.001-04:00

Those of us who are privileged with the blessing of caring for a loved one must at times, by dint of circumstance, be tested. Some of us see a spiraling, an almost out of control flushing away of normalcy.
M.S. and or Alzheimer's disease can be a raging beast that, if you are not aware of its peculiarities, can eat you up and spit you out.
Nanny has made incredible progress in the last year. She is walking again, laughing again and her memory of current events is improving dramatically but sometimes, when she shows some of the old signs, that terrible regression, it is easy for me to become impatient, angry, unkind. Afterward, I kick myself. I accuse myself and ask, "how could you be so cruel, so impatient, so, YOU?" Then I go to my dear, dear Nancy and I ask for her forgiveness and I tell Papa God how sorry I am, and do you know what, Nancy forgives me and my Holy friend forgives me and I am strong again, secure in their forgiveness. Really, if you don't have patience, if you behave in less than a loving manner toward the one you have been blessed with, go to Papa God and tell Him. He will kiss away your hurts, your fears, your concerns and suddenly the sun will shine again, I know that it works because it works for me.
Papa, please help us frail caregivers and those we care for to feel your presence, to hear your voice. Walk with us, laugh with us, dance with us. Praise you oh Holy God, Amen

OUR CONTINUING ODYSSEY TO GOOD HEALTH, or, THE SNAKE PIT

2009-08-16T15:37:00.001-04:00

I have been sharing our journey from debilitating disease to good health and what a journey it has been! My intent is not to imply that we have arrived, that we are at journey's end because that would imply that we are finished, that we have reached our ultimate destination and I don't want to do that because, to be honest with you, we have just started our journey.
Over the days of my life I have been so blessed to have experienced so many unique adventures in nature and the animal world. As a zoo director and a wildlife photographer "Lions and tigers and bears, oh no!" has been changed to, lions and tigers and bears as well as every other critter that walks, crawls, swims or flies, oh yes! But all of that dims in the light of what Nanny and I are experiencing as we build new lives, as we go from sickness to robust good health.
Nanny is enjoying life again after years of suffering from the ravages of multiple sclerosis, Alzheimer's disease and hypertension, while I am returning to good health after suffering from three heart attacks as well as hypertension.
Let me say up front that the key is not diet, no; it is lifestyle change, discarding the old, adapting the new. (Some folks make this an unpleasant experience and they turn into unpleasant people, if they weren't so already! Remember, life should be full of joy) Lifestyle change has wonderful results and it is something that anybody can do but, and it pains me to say this, most people won't because it means giving up sleeping in the snake pit!
What do I mean by that? Well, years ago I saw a man locked in a small glass cubicle with a couple hundred rattlesnakes. (He was trying to prove something. I don' know what, perhaps that he was nuts.) I have, as a zoo director and a naturalist handled a lot of poisonous snakes in my time but that man's experience was something that nightmares are made of. That gent lived there, sleeping and eating in that little room with all of those creepy crawlies for something like 40 days.
We live our lives eating and drinking ourselves into an early grave and if we see a means of escape what do we do? We say, "Oh, I can't give that up, I enjoy it too much! And then we go to our friendly witch doctor and he prescribes poison to treat the effects of the poison that we are habitually ingesting. Yah, that makes sense! And that is "The days of our lives."
Yes, diet is a four letter word and we hate the idea of going on a diet but do you know what? You are already on a diet! Good or bad, blessing or curse, we are all living according to our diet.
Good health, robust health, comes at a terrible price. Yes, you heard me and here are just a few of the dreadful consequences of living a healthy lifestyle.

#1 You are going to have an increased awareness of the spiritual.
#2 You are going to realize an increased energy level.
#3 You will sleep better.
#4 You will heal quicker and better.
#5 You will have fewer aches and pains.
#6 You will look and feel better.
#7 You will save money due to fewer doctor's bills
#8 Your mind will be clearer.
#9 You are going to be happier.
#10 You will find yourself capable of doing things that seemed impossible before.

So you see there are many dreadful reasons you might not want to adapt this lifestyle change but if you want to live dangerously and try it come back next time and I will start to reveal a few of the things that have caused such profound results in our lives. Oh yes, I almost forgot to remind you, go to the book store and get a copy of the book, THE CHINA STUDY. What a blessing it will be.
Charles

DIET IS A FOUR LETTER WORD!

2009-08-10T10:32:00.001-04:00

Diet: yes, in case you haven't noticed, diet is, after all, a four letter word.
Mr. Webster defined diet this way: "Diet: An organism's usual food and drink. A regulated selection of foods, especially as medically prescribed. To eat and drink according to a prescribed regimen."
O.K., so what's the difficulty?
It must have something to do with that word, "prescribed." It sort of gets folks dander up when you tell them they have to do something, and they usually tell you to take a long walk off a short pier, or to, "get lost!"
Food is something people can sink their teeth into. Sic. It fills the belly, it brings comfort and is satisfying and from the very beginning of time it has been a temptation to eat that which was not always meant to be eaten.
In case you haven't noticed we humans eat everything. If it grows under the ground, above the ground, walks or crawls on the ground or flies in the air or swims, it is in danger of ending up exiting someone's alimentary canal, if you know what I mean.
People eat, that's what they do, and if you don't believe me try going without eating for awhile, say for a week.
I fasted for 21 days one time, a learning experience I must say, but we really were not designed to go for a long time between meals.
People get hungry and if they are not disciplined they are capable of all sort of strange behavior, including cannibalism.
When I was young and knew I knew everything I ate a strange assortment of varmints. Muskrat was nice, possum and raccoon were alright, bear, deer, elk, moose, pheasant, duck, goose, dove's, quail, blackbirds, snake, fish, turtle, etc., had their turn. Yes, I ate almost every portion of animal anatomy known to, well, animals, and as the old saying goes,"arses to eyeballs", and it was all, well… edible.
I stopped eating some of those critters because, to be honest with you, I no longer enjoyed hunting. Others I ceased eating because I learned that not everything that lives is meant for food.
I thought for a long time that I was the epitome of health, until one day I had my first heart attack, followed by a second and a third, all in about a year's time.
About the same time that my first heart attack gave me the address to Death's door my dear wife's M.S. was flaring up and she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease along with its accompanying dementia and she was placed on a witch's brew of medicines. At the same time Nan began using a walker and sometimes a wheelchair and then things really got crazy and Nanny's doctors suggested she be placed in an Alzheimer's unit. All of this as you can imagine was threatening to destroy our marriage.
It was time for a reality check.
I didn't know it at the time but Nanny and I were about to experience some miracles.
Tune in next time for more of our odyssey to recovery,
Charles

THE THREE THINGS THAT CAN, YES, CAN, SAVE YOUR LIFE

2009-08-06T13:42:00.003-04:00

I have learned one thing in the last year and that is that most folks would prefer to change their religion than their diet.
Dozens of times, yes I said "dozens" of times during the last twelve plus months, folks have approached Nancy and myself and remarked about how good we look. They can't get over the fact that Nancy is walking again after suffering for years from multiple sclerosis and that she is more alert. My weight loss is obvious and constantly attracts comment. The comments usually go like this, "Charles, Nanny, you look so good! What are you taking?" And then they will list some common supplements such as Barley Green or Mona Vie. Now I have nothing against supplements, especially when it is obvious they are helping someone, but, in my life I have never seen a supplement that resulted in such profound health improvement as that which is obvious in our lives!
Now comes the shocker. We tell them about what has caused us to improve in every aspect of our lives. We explain that it is a result of not taking a supplement but adopting a radical lifestyle change! (I use the word "radical" because it is so simple. But then, It must be radical because if it wasn't more people, all people, suffering from a multitude of diseases, would adopt it.) Nancy's health has improved dramatically when only a little over a year ago she was recommended for a lock down Altziemer's unit by her doctors!
(And her memory has improved dramatically and she is so sweet!)
Here we are, awash in a sea of medical and nutritional misinformation, when our bookstores are loaded with books on the subject and one would expect the American people would be the healthiest on earth and yet just the opposite is true.
We obsess over vitamin and mineral supplements believing they are going to give us long term health and protection from disease while we continue to eat foods that are killing us.
As a people we have completely fallen prey to the belief that our doctors have all the answers that can lead to good health.
Well, what is the answer? One might well ask.
Are you sure that you want to know the answer?
Several weeks ago I met a lady who is dying of cancer. She wasn't interested in the answer. After hearing what I had to say she preferred to continue the way she always had, and with the same results I might add.
The answer is simple. It does call for some major changes in diet. In fact it calls for lifestyle change.
As it is said, the answer to a successful business lies in three things, "location, location, location, and the solution to a healthy lifestyle also lies in three things, diet, diet, diet!
I will continue with this next time.
Yours in healthy and happy living,
Chaz

P.S.
Read the book, THE CHINA STUDY
C.T.

JURY DUTY

2009-08-04T09:23:00.002-04:00

This is probably unrelated to caregiving but it needs to be addressed.
Recently I recieved another jury duty summons as did Nancy, my wife. The powers that be have mandated that to refuse jury duty makes one liable for penalties as subscribed by the law. This is wrong and violates my constitutional rights. Hasn't the government usurped enough of our rights already. I don't object to the summons per se, but the determination by some brain dead twit that I have violated a law irks me no end. I just want freedom of choice in the matter, what do you want?
Chaz

My friend, Jim Miller has addressed the issue as follows

Under the Ninth Amendment, I believe we should have
Freedom of Choice. Therefore we should not be mandated
by the State or Federal goverment to report for JURY
DUTY,as this infringes upon our freedom of choice.
JURY DUTY should be voluntary, a citizen should be
given a choice to accept or decline this service, with
out the threat of being fined.

I personally have been summoned at least 5 or 6 times
reporting as directed, but each time I felt like I was
a prisoner of the judicial system because I did not have
a choice in which I could accept or decline these
summons without repercussions.

Therefore I am writing this to protest against JURY DUTY
for there comes a time when you have to stand up and
express yourself, without intimidation. At age 69,once
again I have been summoned to report for JURY DUTY,
Freedom of Choice mandates that I protest such action.

James M Miller
West Melbourne
August 3,2009

WHAT IS YOUR "PRECIOUS"?

2009-07-25T11:10:00.002-04:00

Her baa was precious to her and if she had really been able to express herself she would have told you so.
Gollum, in Tolkein's wondrous tale of middle earth, The Hobbit, had his "Precious." It was so precious to him in fact that it eventually cost him his life in the lava fires of Mt Doom. While Gollum was 500 years old, Faith was very young, about a year old to be exact.
Gollum's "precious" was one of the mysterious magical rings, whereas Faith's, well, there wasn't anything magical about it, it was her "Baa."
Yes, as you have probably guessed, Faith's "precious" was her bottle.
I remember it well, we were visiting with Faithy's grandma and our little Faith was walking around with her "baa" hanging from her mouth by its nipple when Grandma suddenly grabbed the "precious", walked over to the wood burning cook stove, opened the lid and said to Faithy, "See this? No more baa!" At which Faithy dramatically covered her eyes and exclaimed, "No gamma, don't make me see, don't make me see!"
Well, that was the end of the "baa".
What is your "Precious"?
Folks are really quite silly you know. I have proven to myself, unequivocally, that eating right is essential to good health and doing so at the start is admittedly sometimes a challenge.
So often people exclaim, "you look so good, you have lost weight and all, what are you doing?" And when I tell them about our lifestyle change, our new diet and a revived trust in God, their eyes sort of glaze over as they often say, "Oh, I could never do that, I enjoy my meat too much!"
So, their "precious" consists of chunks of partly cremated dead animal flesh?
Gollum died in the pursuit of his "precious", what are you willing to do for yours?
Faithy, for her own good, had to have the "baa" taken from her and destroyed.
So often people would rather change their religion than their diet even when they know they are dying from hypertension, obesity, heart disease, diabetes, or a myriad of other nice, diet induced illness's.
Sort of rediculous don't you think?

ON FORGIVENESS

2009-07-21T21:52:00.001-04:00

I had been minding my own business, standing there talking to Beverly, who just happened to be the most beautiful flower in God's flower garden when Roger walked up and hit me.
Mrs. Runkle, our third grade teacher rushed up and grabbed Roger by the ear exclaiming in her shrill, witch like voice, "Aha, I saw that young man! I have warned you about hitting and now you are going to stay after school!" Then teacher reached out and grabbed me by an ear and began dragging me along too. (She had an ear twisting technique that was so agonizing it made your toenails bleed.) "But Mrs. Runkle, I didn't do anything, he hit me!" To which she answered, "You must have done something or he wouldn't have hit you! You can stay after school too!"
You know, I resented that darned teacher even more than I resented Roger and
I have hung onto that memory for a lifetime.
Resentment can eat a hole in you did you know that?
We have to forgive people, not for them so much as for ourselves. Yes, forgive them for you!
I mean, for crying out loud, here you are walking around with bile and acid eating a hole in your guts and for what? The person you are so angry with has forgotten what it was that so rankled your ire long ago. She is sleeping well at night with visions of sugar plums dancing in her head and you are laying there thinking what you would like to do to her for revenge and you don't even know where she lives!
Some folks live and die with anger and resentment and they don't even have the facts straight. For you to twist the knife of unforgiveness in your own guts is beyond stupid, its hog shite and it smells about the same.

SMOKY THE CAT

2009-07-18T21:25:00.002-04:00

The first time I met Smoky I was struck with his appearance. No ears, tail half gone, he would not have ever been nominated as a candidate in a feline beauty pageant.
Somebody had poured gasoline on him and touched a match to him.
Found horribly burned on a city street somebody took the kitten to a veterinary clinic and dropped him off, more dead than alive.
When I said "somebody" had done this bestial thing I really meant "some thing" for men don't inflict such pain on another creature lest they have surrendered their human decency, their soul.
Like I said he was more dead than alive. His lungs were seared and he could barely breathe but the personnel at that vet clinic, through tears of anger at whoever could have done such a thing, rallied to save him.
For the first few days it was nip and tuck as to whether they could in fact deliver this little street waif from the door of death but soon, with all that love and care, he rallied.
Yes, they named him smoky for the name seemed appropriate after what he had gone through.
Smoky is loved by all. He is truly an ambassador of love for nobody leaves that clinic without a purr, without a "hello" from Smoky the cat.
I offered to give Smoky a home, I mean, I couldn't resist the ugly, beautiful lovable misfit but my offer was met with shaking heads and "no thank you's" from all the help with the explanation, "No thanks, we love Smoky, he is a member of our family!"
Wow, a member of their family, what could that mean?
Well, I guess it means that they love Smoky, they cherish him. They don't see the defects, the scars, the mutilated tail, the wrinkled stubby reminders of ears, they see his beautiful character, his sweet personality, those expressive yellow eyes.
God, I wish people could be like that to people!
My Nancy, how she misses her family, how she needs her family.
They obviously don't need her, or value her.
What a tragedy, what a sad, sad tragedy.

MIRACLES 101

2009-07-09T22:14:00.003-04:00

Today, or so it seems, we are so darned calloused that we don't hardly believe in anything, let alone miracles. Faith is a funny thing. I have questioned my faith in the past and realized that my faith was pretty darned undernourished. Another word for faith is confidence, and another is trust. "Do you have CONFIDENCE in God? Do you TRUST God? Well, I have to admit that my faith, confidence, trust in God has not always been very strong. I think that my biggest problem in the past has been that I "looked" at myself instead of at Papa God. Well, that is changing.
Over the last few months, the last year, I have lived a miracle, or I should say, I have lived "with a miracle. "Some of you know my Nancy, have known her long enough to remember when she was on a walker and in a wheelchair. You have seen her go through all the stages of M.S. and into that strange shadow land of dementia we call, "Alzheimer's disease." Where weird is commonplace, off the wall is expected, normal has taken a vacation.
Some of you have watched Nanny and I reclaim our lives through a healthy lifestyle and absolute trust in God. We began eating better, lotsa fruits and veggies, more exercise and prayer. (That prayer thing we are working on.)
We have absolutely added years to our lives.
Nanny was on six different meds as was I. (We whipped big pharma with that healthy lifestyle I mentioned.)
Nanny is walking again, working in the yard and happier than she has been in years and I feel like a kid again. (After being diagnosed with emphysema I am breathing again and improving dramatically. Give Him the glory!)
Recently Nan had another M.R.I. and we were blown away with the results. Here is the miracle I mentioned. Comparing the M.R.I. from fifteen years ago and the one from a year and a half ago to the latest shows a reduction in the size of the lesions on the myelin sheath! Yes, the lesions are still there but they are smaller. This in its own right is unusual according to her doctors.
Nanny has some slight cognition challenges but she is so sweet and very happy.
Her blood pressure has stabilized at about 118 over 78 which ain't too shoddy, praise the Lord.
Please keep praying for us.
Chuck and Nancy
P.S. And I am no longer a skinhead and am clean shaven! I have a nice head of hair and am getting regular haircuts thanks to our dear friend, Franny Bo the hair stylist

A BRIEF MISCELLANY OF THINKING

2009-06-24T22:34:00.000-04:00

Why is it that so many "Christians" are mad dog miserable?
The next time you go to church look around and tell me, honestly now, do those folks look happy to you? Do they look like they are excited about being there?
What I have discovered is that if I want a real downer, look at people. On the other hand, if I want "happy," look at Jesus.
To my way of thinkin' Christians should be about the happiest folks on the face of God's green earth, and I don't mean, "giggly, giddy, jumping up and down, goofy happy," I mean, "The Lord is coming again and he's my best friend!" happy.
So many folks are emotionally disturbed today. They want to cast out the demons they 'hope' to see in others and ignore their own private 'disturbed'.
Remember the Bakers? That is Baker, as in little Jimmy and Tammy Faye? Tammy Faye was especially known for her penchant for wearing twenty pounds of cheap cosmetics so that when she cried on national T.V., goop would run down her cheeks and clog the sewers like something out of a Steven King novel.
I remember the Bakers pleading with their audience to help with their various ministries. "Send us your nickels and dimes, send us your dollar bills and you will be blessed!" Folks sent so many nickels and dimes and dollar bills Jimmy and Tammy Fay were able to build a 10,000 doghouse in the back yard of their mansion. (I don't really know if the dog was blessed.)
Religion to so many folks today is laughable so they search elsewhere or give up the quest altogether.
"Religion" I have discovered aint as important as relationships, sweet wholesome relationships, with each other and Papa God.
That's some of my thinkin' on the subject and I guess that's what folks should be doin' more of when it comes to religion, think.

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

2009-06-13T22:15:00.001-04:00

This short article is about the principle of going the "second mile" and how it pertains to the caregiver.

Shipwrecked, marooned, and castaway are three fearful words that strike terror to any sailor's heart.

The year was 1845 when the British warship Wager of 24 guns went aground off that inhospitable area known as Patagonia on the coast of Chili.

Her crew escaped the rugged coast in lifeboats except for four royal marines who, due to the overcrowded conditions in the lifeboats chose to stay behind rather than endanger their shipmates by overloading the frail craft.

As the lifeboats pulled away from the shore the four men lifted their voices with three cheers and a hearty "God save the king!"

There is no record of those four stalwarts being rescued. All we do know is that the rest of the sailors lived.

Those four men were what I like to call, "Second milers."

Jesus taught that an unlimited willingness to do more than is required is the way to create a genuine Christian character.

And so we introduce the caregiver.

When Jesus delivered what is referred to as, "The sermon on the mount" the people must have been bewildered and even shocked by what must have appeared to be a most difficult principle to grasp.

Imagine your reaction upon hearing his injunction, "Whosoever shall compel thee to go one mile go with him two."

Upon hearing this an ugly and detestable picture must have risen before his Jewish audience, a hateful vision of a Roman soldier, under the sanction of military law compelling a Jew to the defiling business of carrying his burden for a distance of one mile.

This subjection had to be the epitome of debased servitude for to subject oneself to such a mean surrender of one's rights had to rankle in the Jewish spirit as it would our own.

Any listener, knowing the history of the Roman word, "angario" whose Aramaic equivalent Jesus doubtless used when he called upon the word, "compel" must have found surrender to Jesus' command even more unreasonable.

That hated word, "Angario" had been handed down from the Persian Empire to the Greek and then to the Roman and from the beginning it had stood for tyranny.

From the very beginning the principle of angario had enabled the conquering military power to impress into unwilling service, all men or beasts of burden that the soldiery desired.

The word was saturated with the hatefulness of age long tyranny for can you imagine the idea of being used as a beast of burden was anything other than detestable to those hearing Jesus' words?

And yet, Jesus was telling them to not go just one mile but to go the extra distance, willingly.

Sometimes angario is the compelling force that drives the care giver.

By going the extra mile we are taking back control. We are saying, "Oh, so this is what is demanded of me, well I'll tell you what, I will do that and more still and I will rejoice in the task.

It seems obvious to me that in order to make Stradivarius violins God needed Antonio Stradivarius and just perhaps nobody else can be the caregiver you are called to be.

There are some that are overwhelmed by adversity and difficulty while others overwhelm adversity and find joy in doing so.

Cervantes used imprisonment to begin his book "Don Quixote" and Bunyan bought glory to Bedford jail in his memorable book, "Pilgrims Progress."

Thus is the hero made. Through adversity and challenge are heroes made.

Caregivers are courageous. Caregivers are those people among us who embrace the principle of the second mile.

I think Jesus most assuredly loves caregivers don't you?

A ROILING MOIL IN A BOIL

2009-06-07T22:48:00.003-04:00

Ponce DeLeon's fountain of youth!
It's been thirty some years ago that I first dove in DeLeon springs. I hadn't been a certified diver for very long before I was asked to accompany a group to the spring, that, at least legend has it, Mr. Ponce DeLeon believed, alas wrongly, that he had discovered the, again legendary, fountain of youth.

This blog is not about living a long life but it is about doing away with some of the bedlam that inadvertently cuts our lives somewhat shorter than if we lived without said confusion.

I will never forget my thoughts as I stood on the shore and looked dubiously at DeLeon springs. "THEY WANT ME TO DIVE INTO THAT!"

The reason for my hesitation is that the spring, at least from up above, was nothing but a roiling mess of twigs, sand, sediment and debris, all in a confused state of moiling suspension.

Soon I was scuba tanked, weight belted, face masked and flipper footed and in the water sinking through that messy mass of floating debris. I must admit to some unease until at about six or seven feet below the surface I broke through into an unbelievably clear, almost crystalline watery environment. Light was somewhat filtered but the waters were so clear that if one were so inclined, it would be possible to read newsprint with no effort.

Somehow what had seemed like a mess from above was all clarity. I looked up toward the surface and there that boiling mess was, still there where I had left it.

Sometimes we must pass through chaos in order to have peace and harmony in our lives and my chaos might very well be different than yours. I may face a physical challenge where you may be assailed with a combination of difficulties. Relationships can go awry, finances may dry up, plans may suddenly have to be changed or it may very well be a combination of these.

Remember, descend through the muddled, disordered turbulence of life and you will find that the rat's nest of confusion will become clear and you will see your way through the mishmash that life has presented and the clarity will absolutely astound you.

Remember, our heavenly Papa God is a god of order, not confusion.

A PERFECT LOVE

2009-06-01T22:25:00.003-04:00

Dear friends,
Remember, as far as you are concerned there absolutely nothing, nothing, NO THING! That Papa God can't or will not reverse. He takes the greatest joy in pleasing us, you and I, His friends. We were created to love and be loved, and when I say that I am not talking about husband/wife love, huh uh, I am talking about God's love for you and I. Recently I read , "Living unloved is like clipping a birds wings and removing it's ability to fly." Don't you believe that would be extremely limiting? Really not something our Papa wants for you, and I.
There are those times that I have withheld my love from my dear, sweet Nanny and I have learned that by doing so I have crippled her. By withholding my love I have declared, "You are not worthy of God's love!" How very, very sad. Please Papa, forgive me.
Imagine how wondrously, joyfully, exuberantly wonderful that idea is, we were created to be loved! The greatest expression of Papa God's love is the love that He wants us to show to one another. Or to say it another way, If we love Papa God then we show our love for Him by loving each other.
God wants for us to realize physical healing but first He wants us to realize spiritual healing in our relationships, with him and each other! Remember, our idea of God is very limited and limiting. Papa wants us to realize His love through each other and Papa's love is generous, perfect, patient, loving, tender, kind, joyful, gentle, sweet, pure, happy, never forced, never held back, never restrained, etc. etc. etc. Boy, who doesn't want that kind of love?
Love ya,
Chaz

2009-05-24T23:27:00.002-04:00

A LAST, "I LOVE YOU!"

What a mixture of emotions floods the mind of one who's loved one closes his or her eyes in death after a long, debilitating illness.
One feels guilt, no matter how dedicated and faithful they have been in caring for that loved one, yes, guilt for not being able to do more, be more, love more, care more. One feels guilt for feeling a sense of relief, yes, relief, because in your heart though there is grief there is also a sense of relief that the struggle is past.
Death is part of life and it comes to us all but the Christian has a blessed hope, an assurance that God is faithful to His word.

Recently I received the following email from my dear friend Ron in Michigan. My request to all who read this note is that you lift Ron up in your prayers, that he may be comforted and feel the loving presence of the Lord as he walks this difficult and lonely path of bereavement

Dear Chuck,
I am sorry that I have not been responding to you on your wonderful articles. I have not been home much lately. The last six weeks have been a real journey in our lives?
My dear Pat is not eating nor drinking. She has been running a temperature and has a bad urinary tract infection. She cannot lift her head off the pillow in her hospice bed. She has been in hospice for a couple of weeks now and is taking a lot of morphine. She has trouble swallowing and is getting Bedsores to name a few ongoing problems. She is coughing a lot, and can not bring up her mucus. We know what the next step will be for something will surely get her soon I am thinking. I have been praying for God to take her for a month or so now as there is absolutely zero for her to wake up to.
I try to be there for her, to stroke her hair, give her a sip of water with a straw, cover her up and just be there for her. She can hardly talk, but occasionally she whispers a weak "I love You Ron." I am happy that I have Hospice to help me.
So my friend, life is very busy for me at this time. I send my regards to you and Nancy, hoping and praying things are as good as they can be for you both.
May the peace of Christ be with you my friend,
Ron

Then this evening I received this email,

Dear Chuck.
Just a quick note to tell you of the loss of my beautiful wife. She died this morning, with me by her bedside. She has been struggling, not eating and hardly drinking for a period of 4 days, she has been in hospice for nearly three weeks now. Her lungs were filled with fluid and she had pneumonia so she had much trouble breathing which was very hard on her. Well my friend, her struggle is over. Please remember me in your prayers.
Love, Ron

Again I ask you to pray for Ron and his children during this troubling and sad time.

Blessings to you all in Christian love,
Charles

IT DON'T GET NO BETTER THAN THIS!

2009-04-27T16:36:00.002-04:00

O.K., what can't get no better? Well, the weather I suppose. Nope that can't be it. Folks are always complainin' and grousin' about the weather. I mean it's either too hot or too cold or it's rainin' or it aint raining', or there's too much snow or there's not enough snow. But then like I said, folks always been complainin' about the weather.
We complain about our aches and pains, politics, gas prices, the economy, the neighbor's kids, the neighbor's dog, the neighbor. We complain, bitch and moan, groan and grumble, accuse, find fault and criticize as though our lives depend upon our ability to do so but do you know what? It don't do no good! We are still goin' t' have the same issues! We're still goin' t' have weather, aches and pains, politics, gas prices, the economy an' all th' little bugaboos that we are incessantly complainin' about!
I woke up this mornin' an' I was breathin"! I walked into the bathroom an' everythin' was workin' just fine and when I looked into the mirror I was pleased to note that though I might not be any prettier I ain't no uglier either(of coarse that's my opinion).
I have a buddy who is married to an absolutely beautiful woman, beautiful but mean as a rabid snake. (if snakes got rabies) He's got reason to complain but doesn't (who can figure).
This morning I woke up and rolled out of bed and after a bit of a splash I began doing my little two fingered dance on the computer's keyboard.
I watched as the sun came up and I heard the birds start to sing and then I was blessed to hear Nancy's voice say, "How's my darling?" I looked at her and my heart leaped to see her sitting up in bed with that absolutely beautiful smile on her lovely face.
Both Nan and I have experienced life changes that are nothing short of miraculous and all I can do is exclaim, "Praise the Lord from whom all blessings flow!"
Live life, eat healthy, smile a lot, be happy, take a long walk occasionally, appreciate the little things and give God the credit.
Charles and Nancy
P.S. (Oh yes, eat a live toad the very first thing when you get out of bed in the morning and you will be pleased to note that will be the worse thing you will do all day).

TOMORROW...

2009-04-14T07:08:00.002-04:00

This A.M. I recieved the following. Many years have passed since I lost my sweetheart, my first wife and the mother of my children in an auto accident due to a drunk driver. The sentiments expressed in the following I must agree to therefore I share them with you. Read carefully and determine that today is the day that you tell those close to you that they are loved, cherished, valued, because there may not be a tomorrow.
May our loving God bless you and yours, Charles

"A friend of mine opened his wife's underwear drawer and picked up a silk
paper wrapped package:

'This, - he said - isn't any ordinary package.'

He unwrapped the box and stared at both the silk paper and the box.

'She got this the first time we went to New York , 8 or 9 years ago. She
has never put it on , was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is it.

He got near the bed and placed the gift box next to the other clothing
he was taking to the funeral home, his wife had just died..

He turned to me and said:

'Never save something for a special occasion.

Every day in your life is a special occasion'.

I still think those words changed my life.

Now I read more and clean less.

I sit on the porch without worrying about anything.

I spend more time with my family, and less at work.

I understood that life should be a source of experience to be lived up
to, not survived through.

I no longer keep anything.

I use crystal glasses every day....

I'll wear new clothes to go to the supermarket, if I feel like it.

I don't save my special perfume for special occasions, I use it whenever
I want to.

The words 'Someday....' and ' One Day...' are fading away from my
dictionary.

If it's worth seeing, listening or doing, I want to see, listen or do it
now.....

I don't know what my friend's wife would have done if she knew she
wouldn't be there the next morning, this nobody can tell.

I think she might have called her relatives and closest friends.
She might call old friends to make peace over past quarrels.

I'd like to think she would go out for Chinese, her favourite food.

It's these small things that I would regret not doing, if I knew my time
had come.

Each day, each hour, each minute, is special.

Live for today, for tomorrow is promised to no-one.

If you got this, it's because someone cares for you and because,
probably, there's someone you care about.

If you're too busy to send this out to other people and you say to
yourself that you will send it 'One of these days' , remember that 'One
day' is far away... or might never come... Please share this message and let it touch your life.

THAT MOST INTIMATE THING WE DO

2009-04-08T08:40:00.001-04:00

O.K., what is the single most intimate thing that we humans do?
And yes, most animals do it. Elephants and birds do it and crocodiles do it as do bugs.
Yep, you guessed it! It is a three letter word.
We all do it and sad to say a lot more of us do it wrong than do it right.
Countless millions of the world's population goes to bed each and every night without doing it.
A lot of people would like to do it but are unable to do it.
People do it alone and in large groups.
People do it in large ships and little boats, in automobiles and airplanes. I did it once during a ride in a hot air balloon.
You can do it in almost any position, standing up, laying down or sitting, though I suppose it is difficult to do it while standing on your head.
There are few places where people haven't done it including on top of Mount Everest and the moon.
I started doing it when I was very young and my 93 year old daddy did it with my mama the night before he died.
My daughter Faith did it with her husband and son this morning as they were having family worship.
If you don't do it you will die and if you do it improperly you will also die.
What? Oh, you think I am talking about THAT three letter word! Why no! What sort of person do you think I am?
The three letter word I am thinking about is EAT.
Yep, EAT, to eat.
The activity of eating is the most intimate single thing we can do for as we eat the food that we ingest; a greasy cheeseburger with fries or a beautiful tossed salad, good or bad, becomes part of us, ensuring a healthy, vigorous, happy life or a miserable death.
The choice is there for each of us to make so eat to live, it's your life..

HOW IMPORTANT LOVE IS

2009-03-29T12:40:00.002-04:00

A few months back I wrote the article, HOW IMPORTANT LOVE IS. There were many times when I fell far short of what I wrote about in that article. Eight months have come and gone since Nan and I underwent a dramatic lifestyle change, a change that has had nothing but miraculous results. We reclaimed control over our lives and began living again. Proper diet is so very important but it it difficult when our doctors tell us the cure is to pop another pill for whatever ailment might strike at any moment. As important as diet is it must also be accompanied with common sense, (common sense aint all that common anymore folks!) Our God has given instruction on how to live healthy lives but most of us aren't willing to follow good health practices. We want to eat and drink anything, (this is the root of the problem)no matter how poisonous, no matter the results. By following a few simple rules Nan has been given back to me for today, and I am so greatful to Papa God.
Below is that article from a few months ago. Since then Nanny is walking, she is loving, she is happy, and she still loves me, (who can figure?)
I am going to begin a new series of articles on health and the caregiver so you will be able to see the changes that are taking place in both of our lives. I believe that if I can do it for Nancy and I with such dramatic results then you also can benefit. Let's learn and grow together,
In christian love,
Charles

HOW IMPORTANT LOVE IS

The other day Nanny and I were going someplace and she was shuffling along, holding onto my arm for support when suddenly she looked up into my face and smiled at me and said, "I'm sorry for being such a pain honey" And then with a little laugh she said, "MY HEAD IS TALKING BUT MY FEET AREN'T LISTENING!"

"I love you Charles." There was a pause as she looked at me before saying, "Do you know what honey?" "No, what baby?" I asked. She smiled that beautiful smile before continuing: "You are going to be extra specially blessed in heaven for being so good to me!"

That bit of conversation took place one evening and it got me thinking just how very fortunate I am. I had to thank God for my gracious wife, this woman that has a witches brew of illness. Multiple Sclerosis is bad enough and now Alzheimer's disease is ravaging her.

I have to thank God for her sweet personality, for that lovely smile, for her abundant joy, for her innocence, her undemanding spirit, for the fact that in spite of me she loves me.

This week I took Nanny in for an M.R.I. The Dr. called me and told me that there was pronounced advancement. He told me also that she needs 24/7 care. And then he said, "You do know that your wife is not going to get any better don't you Mr. Towne? In fact from here on you can expect a steady decline in her prognosis."

What must it be like to walk the path of Alzheimer's disease? The disorientation creates a confusing mish mash of feelings, fears and emotions that must be hell to deal with. Imagine for a moment what it must be like. You start to do something, say you are standing at the sink. You have a toothbrush in your hand but then you forget what you were going to do with it.

Or you are thirsty so you decide to take a drink from the water bottle but you get sidetracked and the water bottle spills its contents into your lap and you don't understand what or why it happened.

You are no longer able to read your body but you know when you have had an accident. The humiliation, the embarrassment that you feel lends to your confusion. What is happening to you?

At such a point what does the care giver do?

When I tell Nancy how much I love her she beams. Those words, "I love you" have almost a magical response. It is a fact that something mysterious happens in the human mind when we know we are loved.

Any person walking the confusing path of Alzheimer's disease needs to know that they are loved. The emotional turmoil resulting from this disease must be a nightmare but if the victim is assured that he or she is loved by family and friends the results can be profound.

God please help me to show Nancy love, not impatience.
Help me to show her kindness, not anger.
Help me to show her mercy, not frustration,
Help me to give her tenderness, not roughness,
Help me to give her a smile, not a frown,
Help me to give her warmth not cold indifference,
Help me to give her an embrace not rejection,
God, help me to be Christ-like for my Nanny
That she may know that she is loved.
Thank you Papa God,
Charles

WHAT IS ONE TO DO?

2009-03-18T16:03:00.001-04:00

What follows is a letter I just received and it poses the question, "What is one to do?" Ron's letter is full of pain, a very loud cry for help. What is wrong with family? Sure, so they don't know what to do, or what to say, but is that a reason to do or say NOTHING? If you know a caregiver please reach out to that person, you might save that individuals life!
Charles

Dear Chuck.
Following are some of my thoughts and concerns for Alzheimer's caregivers that I have as I look through my somewhat biased glasses. I shall break it down into my four areas of concern.

First, (CAREGIVING)
Not all care giving situations are the same but none are easy, in fact care giving is a huge sacrifice for all of us.
My situation is as follows:
1. I go daily to spoon feed my wife. she is too angry to have anyone else do it but me
2. She does not want to get up in the morning, for breakfast or Lunch for the caregivers but she will get up reluctantly for me. By the grace of GOD she will get up for me most of the time
3. She will not Brush her teeth for the caregivers or me.
4. She will not let anyone wash her hair anymore. Now I am trying waterless shampoo but that is iffy due to the fact that she doesn't like for anyone to touch her.
5 It is a real battle to try to get her up in the morning and get washed. She Kicks, screams, and gets very physical and abusive. She sometimes will bite and scratch in order to get away. To clean her privates is very difficult and time consuming because she fights you and will not cooperate at all.
6. We are trying different medications for anger management but to no avail at this time?
7. Even with her in an Alzheimers nursing home the above conditions demand for me to be there almost all of the time. I thank God for being my strength and support and enabling me to do my best.?

Second, (LONELINESS)
1. Our house used to be a HOME, filled with many busy and fun activities, Birthdays, Christmas, etc. Now it is empty and lonely. Hardly anyone comes over anymore.
We have six children, and twenty grandchildren. By those numbers our house once was really alive, and bustleing and full of laughter.
Oh, the children try to visit my wife in the nursing home ocasionally, (nice of them.) I am very lonely?
2. With this disease you find out who your friends are. Many so called "friends" have said, "Oh we will come and visit you!" or, "We will go out for breakfast some time!" or, "We will go and visit your wife at the nursing home." Etc. I will never understand why people say things that never intend to follow thru on, or mean. OH well "people are funny" One can tell real quick which friends are Fake, and who is Real?

Third, (HELPLESS FEELINGS)
This disease has been a real lesson in thinking about control in our lives. and the effect it has on us?
1. A FRIEND ONCE TOLD ME THAT WE WORRY 90% OF THE TIME OVER THINGS WHICH WE ONLY HAVE 10% CONTROL OF? I finally realize I now have a lot less than the 10% factor?
2. Bathing, brushing teeth, hair care, personal hygiene, changing clothes, and depends, etc. are just a few things that you feel so helpless in trying to do for your loved one?
3. Medications are an ongoing battle in trying to find something that works for anger management, depression, etc. Also many medications cause urinary and bladder
infection?
4. Any exercise or activity is also an impossible feat to get her to do, or get involved in.
5.My wife is 69 years old and she has the deck stacked against her. I feel so helpless in making anything better for her. (It's a gut wrenching feeling?

Fourth and last, (ADVICE TO CAREGIVERS???)
Many people often offer advice. Advice in taking care of yourself first and how to cope with your dilemma?
I am always somewhat baffled when it comes to figuring out how people think that things are, below are some examples,
1. "Get a life, you need to go out and socialize more and mingle with other people."
2. "Go on a cruise or take a vacation, treat yourself to something."
3. "Go out to eat more often, gamble a bit, go to the movies; stay active?
4. "Don't you have children to help?" Yes we have six children. However we are in a new generation now, (most of us in our generation are screwed) here is why I say this?
All our children are working including their spouses, living the American dream! Their children, (my grand children) are involved in a ton of activities, which they sign up for a minimum of ten each I think, hence the parents are running the roads twenty four seven. They don't have time for their parents and in some cases GOD either, because wrestling or soccer practice, or God only knows what else, is on Sunday mornings hence no church. PARENTS ARE PUT ON THE BACK BURNER?
All the above helpful advice has some merit I am sure but, it costs money to do any of the above. My wife, my sweetheart, the love of my life, is in a Alzheimers nursing home, cost $4,150 a month, plus $300.00 to $950,00 a month because of Medicare prescription doughnut hole? We live 35 miles one way to the facility, round trip 70 miles daily, plus Depends, wipes, toiletries, etc. HOW IN THE HOLY HOCKEY STICKS AM I ABLE TO AFFORD ANY OF THE ABOVE VACATIONS, CRUISES AND GAMBLING? (Well folks, you just don't)
All that may seem like good advice but its just not practical when you are fighting for every nickle.

Chuck, I hope this is some help to someone. Love you brother

Ron

RECALL NOTICE

2009-02-21T19:00:00.000-05:00

The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units.

This defect has been technically termed "Subsequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some other symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
10. Excessive Drinking

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect. The Repair Technician, Jesus, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Believers' Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention
GOD

Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by "kneemail".

In God We Trust

"PASS ANOTHER TWINKIE PLEASE."

2009-02-13T09:22:00.001-05:00

Hey you dear folks out there, this post is going to be a tad different than most but I have probably broken most of the rules by now anyway, that is if there are any rules so please bear with me.

I have avoided Michael Moore's films like the plague, or five day old, sun cured road kill. (Sorry, I just don't like the guy's politics) You have heard of Mr. Moore's somewhat controversial films, Fahrenheit 9/11 for one. A buddy told me to watch Moore's film, "Sicko" and he even loaned it to me so I watched it. Hey, it was free! It is a scathing indictment of America's failing healthcare system.
Moore, regardless of his anti-American politics and very socialist leaning, exposes the greedy HMOs, the drug companies and our fat cat politicians who keep us ill and dying by numbers that make the bubonic plague look like a mild cold. (Perhaps we need to get rid of the rats!)
He travels to Canada, England, France, and of all places, Cuba, where universal health care is the norm, and he forces the question, "Why can't this happen in the U.S. of A.
Whether you like socialized medicine or not you have to agree that the already bloated drug companies are getting fatter and fatter as are the gluttonous obese feline politicians, at the expense of the American people I might add.
Take a look at the film. You likely won't like what you see but Moore, whether you like him or not, brings to the fore some pretty important questions.
It has been my doubtful privilege to see first hand the cost of health care in this, the most wonderful country in the world. How can a drug cost the patient in excess of $1500, 00 a month? That is the price of Avonex. That is what the drug company charges, $1500, 00 for four weekly shots. Nancy was on Avonex for seven years for her multiple sclerosis. Seven years, that is seven times $18,000,00 equals? Hey, you do the math, it gives me a headache.
Due to Nan's disability Medicaid picked up the tab for her six drugs plus and Medicare picked up the tab for six for me. My least expensive drugs were the inhalers for my asthma at $125, 00 a pop. Now granted, big pharma doesn't make the same from Medicaid and Medicare patients but what they are paid at the behest of our government is obscene.
Nan and I took the bull by the horns and reclaimed control over our lives by making some simple lifestyle changes.
Neither of us is on blood pressure medicine any longer and Nan's B.P. is averaging 110/74 and mine averages 120/78, not bad for an old curmudgeon I'd say. Imagine, Nanny was on a walker and in a wheelchair less than six months ago and yet this morning she walked 1 1/2 miles. I would say that is some improvement.
The dramatic changes that have taken place in our lives can primarily be attributed to four things, (1) The grace of a loving and patient God. (2) Dramatic dietary changes. (Most of us are digging our graves with our teeth.) (3) Exercise, we are walking and exercising together on a daily basis. (4) Continuing to learn. Remember, if you don't use it you lose it.
We could all take control, reclaim control over our lives but most of us won't due to the fact we are enticed, wooed, lured, seduced and inveigled down the deadly path of appetite.
We are a country of sad fatties, of unhappy diabetic chubbies, of miserable hypertension laden masses of lard just waiting to die and feed the worms which probably won't eat us due to the fact we are so loaded with preservatives and chemicals that even without embalming we would probably have a half life of a zillion years. "Oh what the heck, pass me another Twinkie, please!"
Chaz

DRINKING WARM WATER

2009-02-06T20:23:00.002-05:00

The following is something that I have been practicing for some time to great benefit. Probably the best medicine is water, just good old h2o and yet most of us don't drink enough for whatever reason.

There is no substitute for water. Lack of proper hydration leads to all sort of medical complications.

I was talking to one individual and he said, "I drink a lot, I drink several sodas a day and plenty of milk!" The only people benefiting from such a regimen are the soda and milk producers. Chaz

The Chinese and Japanese drink hot tea with their meals, not cold water, maybe it is time we adopt their drinking habit.
For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you.
the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed.
It will slow down the digestion. Once this 'sludge' reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

AN ASIDE ON HEART ATTACKS

Before my lifestyle change I suffered three silent heart attacks.
The only thing that indicated a heart attack with two of them was cold sweats and general weakness, with the third I simply keeled over. The following is good info to have. I never thought it would happen to me but now I know different.

You should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jawline. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack.
Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. 60% of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let's be careful and be aware. The more we know, the better chance we have of surviving to live full and healthy lives.

EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE

2009-01-27T20:01:00.002-05:00

"From moment to moment one can bear much." Teresa of Avila

Challenged by the hurt of a loved one we are called to compassion and caring.

I have said, "Honey, I love you and because I love you, you will never be alone." But how can one make such a promise? More importantly, how can such a promise be kept or fulfilled?

In the past there have been those times that Nan has almost seemed to be a black hole; sucking in all around her, light and life itself, until all that is left is an impermeable darkness. This then is the origin of despair, of futility and if, by chance that is all one can see, look out; you are on a collision course with disaster.

It is so very important to take care of our loved ones but it is just as important to care for ourselves. Once we are disabled or dead we can't help ourselves let alone those that need us.

As difficult as it may be there comes a time when we have to admit that our loved one, our beloved has, hopefully temporarily, taken a journey to a place where we cannot follow.

Don't try to look too far ahead. It wasn't intended for mortal man to see the future and for very good reason; most of us would not be able to endure the view.

What I have received is a second chance, a well recieved reprieve if you will, from a situation wherein there was no relief except by a loving God's grace.

I would ask for your prayers for Nancy and myself. For our continued healing as we continue on this most incredibly exciting, challenging but joyful adventure of life.

GO AHEAD, ASK ME!

2009-01-20T20:40:00.002-05:00

Well, what can I say? I guess it all started under the pall of a death sentence. That is something doctors are good at today, issuing death sentences.
"Mr. Towne you will have to be on blood pressure medicine for the rest of your life and let's not forget the cholesterol medicine, you will have to take that to keep the stints and the angioplasty clear.
And here, this is also important, a prescription for nitro glycerin, only take it when you are having another heart attack"
O.k. doc, you know best.
The same scenario was played out for my wife, only worse.
"Mr. Towne you will have to place your wife in an Alzheimer's unit for her own protection. Here, these drugs will stop her depression, (They didn't say they would turn her into something from the walking dead.) And these two drugs are going to slow down the progression of Alzheimer's, and this one, now this is a doozy, one shot a week to the tune of fifteen hundred smackers per month! This will slow down the recurrences of the M.S. What's that, Naw; I don't get anything for prescribing these drugs! That's a good boy; you go home now and have a good life, bye, bye. Next!"
Two doctors signed papers recommending Nan's admission to a nursing home/Alzheimer's unit.
God, how could I do this?
So that you may better understand my quandary you should know that I have been a notorious runner. And I am not talking about marathons or sprints, I'm talking about running, as in, away.
After the tragic death of my first wife in an accident caused by a drunk driver I remarried, too fast, and I might add, just as quickly divorced.
Yet in my mental diapers without the good sense God gave a goofy gopher I prospected with great zeal I might also add, in the diamond fields of Eros.
Number three wife was followed by number four, actually a real gem. That lasted a couple of years and ended as the others had. Then Nancy appeared, drawing me as a moth to a flame and I heard a voice, a deep Godlike voice saying, "Last chance Charles, you better get this one right!"
As I sat contemplating my belly button trying to figure out what to do next God spoke to me again and what He said got my attention.
"Charles," (I always know He is serious when He calls me Charles this way. "Charles, Nancy just might be your salvation!"
O.K. Lord, I'll play along, how can Nancy possibly be my salvation?
"Well, let me count the ways! First of all, it has always been easy for you to run when things got tough so that is something you need to come to grips with.
Secondly, you are impatient, often harsh. Believe me when I say, Nancy is good for you so suck it up me bucko!"
After listening to about a hundred other reasons that Nancy would be good for me and being told to "suck it up" He added, almost as an addendum, "And remember Charles, Nancy needs your love!"
A few more minutes passed leading me to believe that He was finished when He whispered, "And remember Charles, I'm watching!"
Only an idiot or a lobotomized lab rat would forget that God was watching so I must admit to some misgivings when He felt it was necessary to remind me.
O.K., the pressure was on.
Did I listen to His wise counsel? Yah, sure! Did I consider it wise counsel when He gave it to me? Yes, absolutely. After all It was God speaking! Did I follow His wise counsel? Well, hey; don't get so nosy!
But, time passes and we end up either sweet or sour. We improve or degrade, smile or frown, fish or cut bait, either or? life is full of choices, we never stand still. and I found myself at choosing time.
You might wonder where I am going with this and the best way I can answer is to say, upward and ever onward.
My Nancy, my dear wife, is precious. She is a child of God, the apple of His eye. Yes she is precious, and as I treat her with love and grace, mercy and kindness, tenderness and compassion, patience and even more patience she is slowly but surely returning from the shadowlands where she has been wandering for so long.
As I apply all of those positive strokes, as I massage her with love, caress her with tenderness and patience and kiss her with joy, she fairly shines.
I was on the verge of losing something precious, on the very precipice, the edge of the abyss, but now God has given me another chance.
Have we arrived? No, but we, Nancy and I, are on a journey, together.
PRAISE GOD!

IS "NINCOMPOOPERISHNESS" A WORD?

2009-01-08T21:23:00.000-05:00

There have been times, many times, I might add, when I have taken my dear Nancy, my precious wife, for granted. We guys can be absolute nincompoops at times, in fact it might be considered that guys could just perhaps bring nincompooperishness to a fine degree of perfection.
Take my word for it, guys are insensitive cretins.
I am working on a manuscript and Nanny is in the other room watching the boob tube. She calls to me, "Honey?" I ignore her.
A few minutes later she says it again, "Honey?" I ignore her.
I am deeply engrossed in wordsmithing when I feel a presence. It is Nanny, standing in the doorway watching me, a hurt, anxious expression on her pretty face.
With some small amount of self righteous angst I leave my, "very important" work and walk it to see what is wrong.
She wanted to share something with me but it is past and I can see her pain, her hurt.
It hasn't been all that long ago, a matter of months, when the papers were drawn up to have her put into an Altzeimer's unit and now she is here, wanting to share something with me. Hmmm, something wrong with this picture.
Nanny has made incredible improvement in the last few months. She is a delight, and yet when she wants to share something with me I resent it?
Well, you are going to have to excuse me 'cause I am going to go in and watch the toob with my sweetie.
Ya, we guys are nincompoops but we eventually do see the light. Thank God my Nanny is still with me.
Charles

A PSEUDO FUNERAL

2008-12-29T11:05:00.002-05:00

The other day I went to my own funeral
.
It was a quiet affair, only one attendee, me.

I know what you are thinking; "the guy has gone over the hill, bonkers, kookoo, loony, whacko. We knew it was going to happen sooner or later. Here he is talking about attending his own funeral, he's nuts!"

Before you judge me harshly and begin the process to have me committed let me explain.

When I am way back in the forest or the big swamp it is very easy for me to lose myself in the moment. At such times I have been known to do some strange, off the wall things.

Yes you can ask me. You are dying to ask me so go ahead. You are wondering what sort of strange things do I do way back there in the solitude of the big lonesome?

Let me answer your question by asking one of my own. What would you think if you were hiking way back there and you suddenly came across some weird old fellow that looked sort of like a troll with a shaved head dancing around in a clearing?

Or what if you came across the same dude just standing there with his head tipped back and his eyes closed while he holds his hands lifted in an attitude of prayer as though he were worshipping some diety, which, if you must know, I would be doing. Hey, I even believe in angels and my own angel's name is Ariel, but that is another story for another time.

Anyhow, there I was way back in the forest and I decided to have my own funeral and do you know what? It was one of those epiphany moments.

How much do you value your loved ones? Is there anything you would like to say to them, do for them, and be for them, before you take that journey?

My sweet wife has in the past been somewhat discombobulated with multiple sclerosis and Alzheimer's disease. There have been those times when she didn't seem quite altogether, you might even say she was a little 'ditzy' but she is after all my wife and I love her dearly.

But, in all honesty and some small amount of candor there are those times when I am exhausted, tested beyond my limit, when I could just, well, scream.

The other day way back in the forest, with my only witness's Holy ones, and with the trees looking on, I had a funeral.

I dug a little hole and I buried something there in that place and then I said a few words and asked some personal questions, such as, 'is there anything that you wish you had said to Nancy when you were alive? Did she really know that you loved her?' And then I asked that real hard question, 'now that you are gone, who is going to care for her, love and cherish her?'

I'm probably going to blow my 'lion tamer, bear walker, macho image when I say that as all of those questions came to mind, I began weeping.

I walked away from that place, the place of my pseudo funeral, with a new resolve.

I promised myself before God that I would be kinder, more caring, more patient, more loving.

It isn't really important if you approve of what I have just said. What is important is that Nancy knows that she is loved.

I left something back in the woods that day. I left some baggage that I can well do without.

Hey, give yourself a funeral my friend and then give yourself a new birthday and live the rest of your life.

GOING THE EXTRA MILE

2008-12-21T20:28:00.001-05:00

The principle of going the "second mile" and how it pertains to the caregiver.

Shipwrecked, marooned, and castaway are three fearful words that strike terror to any sailor's heart.

The year was 1845 when the British warship Wager of 24 guns went aground off that inhospitable area know as Patagonia on the coast of Chili.

Her crew escaped the rugged coast in lifeboats except for four royal marines who, due to the overcrowded conditions in the lifeboats chose to stay behind rather than endanger their shipmates by overloading the frail craft.

As the lifeboats pulled away from the shore the four men lifted their voices with three cheers and a hearty "God save the king!"

There is no record of those four stalwarts being rescued. All we do know is that the rest of the sailors lived.

Those four men were what I like to call, "Second milers."

Jesus taught that an unlimited willingness to do more than is required is the way to create a genuine Christian character.

And so we introduce the caregiver.

When Jesus delivered what is referred to as, "The sermon on the mount" the people must have been bewildered and even shocked by what must have appeared to be a most difficult principle to grasp.

Imagine your reaction upon hearing his injunction, "Whosoever shall compel thee to go one mile go with him two."

Upon hearing this an ugly and detestable picture must have rose before his Jewish audience, a hateful vision of a Roman soldier, under the sanction of military law compelling a Jew to the defiling business of carrying his burden for a distance of one mile.

This subjection had to be the epitome of debased servitude for to subject oneself to such a mean surrender of one's right had to rankle in the Jewish spirit as it would our own.

Any listener, knowing the history of the Roman word, "angario" whose Aramaic equivalent Jesus doubtless used when he called upon the word, "compel" must have found surrender to Jesus' command even more unreasonable.

That hated word, "Angario" had been handed down from the Persian Empire to the Greek and then to the Roman and from the beginning it had stood for tyranny.

From the very beginning the principle of angario had enabled the conquering military power to impress into unwilling service, all men or beasts of burden that the soldiery desired.

The word was saturated with the hatefulness of age long tyranny for do you imagine the idea of being used as a beast of burden was anything other than detestable to those hearing Jesus' words.

And yet, Jesus was telling them to not go just one mile but to go the extra distance, willingly.

Sometimes angario is the compelling force that drives the care giver.

By going the extra mile we are taking back control. We are saying, "Oh, so this and so is what is demanded of me, well I'll tell you what, I will do that and more still and I will rejoice in the task.

It seems obvious to me that in order to make Stradivarius violins God needed Antonio Stradivarius and just perhaps nobody else can be the caregiver you are called to be.

There are some that are overwhelmed by adversity and difficulty while others overwhelm adversity and find joy in doing so.

Cervantes used his imprisonment to begin his book "Don Quixote" and Bunyan bought glory to Bedford jail in his memorable book, "Pilgrims Progress."

Thus is the hero made. Through adversity and challenge are heroes made.

Caregivers are courageous. Caregivers are those people among us who embrace the principle of the second mile.

I think Jesus most assuredly loves caregivers don't you?

An excerpt from the book, DEMENTIA DIARY, by Robert Tell

2008-12-18T20:26:00.002-05:00

Coping with a loved one who is blessed with dementia, be that person your mate or a parent is without a doubt, one of the more entertaining adventures that life can offer.

Having, as a zoo director, been exposed to manic monkeys, lunatic lions and batty baboons I can attest to the curious fact that a rampaging bull elephant on steroids might be considered a decided pleasure and a delight when compared to the aforementioned victim of dementia.

Now, lest some dear soul take offense at my comparing their loved one to a screwed up member of the animal kingdom let me set the record straight by saying, without reservation, that when it comes to irrational behavior, I believe human folks give the animal world a bad rap.

On page 145 of the Dementia Diary the author writes:

"Leave it to me, "Gloria said. "By the way," she said, "are you aware that your mother has leased a car, a little stripped down Toyota Corolla."

"What?" I exploded. "Who would lease a car to an elderly woman with obvious cognitive problems? How did this happen!" I was beside myself. "When did she do this? Why did she do this?"

"I sort of thought you didn't know," said Gloria. "She did it partially because she wants the independence of having a car. But mostly, in my opinion, she did it to spite you. You took away her car, so she's going to show you a thing or two. She asked me not to tell you about this, but I think she's secretly hoping that I do. Listen Jerry, I've driven with her. In her hands that little Toyota is a deadly weapon. Somehow, you have to get involved before she kills someone."

Weeks went by. I pondered and schemed. How could I get Minnie to stop driving without making her madder at me than she already was?

An idea! I called the Florida State Attorney General's office and suggested that Minnie's driver's license be pulled. They said they could do that only if I could prove she was a danger to the community.

When they checked her records, guess what, Minnie was a recipient of the State's "Careful Driver Award" for going twenty five years without an accident. How could they cancel such a safe driver's license?

I explained that she didn't drive even once during the twenty-five years for which she earned the award, and I pointed out that it is hard to have an accident when you're not driving. It didn't matter. Minnie's license was safe.

You can order your copy of the book, The Dementia Diary by going to the website: http://www.dementia-diary.com
Caregivers need a good laugh now and then so order your copy of the Dementia Diary today and laugh yourself silly.
Happy reading,
Charles

THE CHINA STUDY

2008-12-06T23:29:00.001-05:00

Habits and the brain:

I just went over the high points of a giant study done on
smokers to find out what is going on in their brains when
they think about or see images of cigarettes and even what
their brains are doing when they see warning labels and
pictures.

It's fascinating to know how irrational we humans are,
even though we think we're smart and logical in our
decision-making.

Here's what I mean.

Some background data first:

On the packs of cigarettes in the U.S. there are some
pretty straight forward warnings... "Smoking causes fatal
lung cancer," "Smoking causes emphysema," "Smoking while
pregnant causes birth defects."

In Europe, warnings on packs are placed inside big thick
black frames that are impossible to miss.

In Portugal, warnings are very clear... "Fumar Mata"
(Smoking Kills).

And in some other countries like Canada, Thailand,
Australia and Brazil, they go so far as to put on cigarette
packs full-color images of lung tumors, gangrenous feet and
toes, open sores of mouth cancers and disintegrating teeth.

Makes a difference, right?

Not one bit.

Even with graphic warnings, even though over 100 countries
have spent untold billions of dollars in non-smoking
campaigns, still more than 1 in 3 adult males across the
globe smokes. 1 in 4 adults in America smokes. The
healthcare costs just in the US is estimated to be over
$167 billion a year.

So why is it so widespread even though it's so obviously
deadly?

A major study was done to find out why using fMRI...
functional Magetic Resonance Imaging and SST, an advanced
verion of the electroencephalograph.

Those machines can tell us what parts of the brains are
stimulated when certain pictures are seen, thoughts are
thought, smells are smelled, words are heard or imagined,
tastes are tasted or imagined, etc.

So when pictures of cigarettes were shown, and
conversations about cigarettes were played, and even when
the warnings of death, cancer, heart disease, emphysema and
lots of other conditions were shown, it actually STIMULATED
the area in the smokers' brains called the nucleus
accumbens... "the craving spot."

This part of the brain is stimulated when you desire
something like alcohol, tobacco, sekks, gambling or a new
pair of shoes.

And when stimulated, the nucleus accumbens needs higher
doses to get its fix.

So all these warnings and commercials not only don't work
to reduce the smoking habit, they actually seems to
encourage the behavior!

So even study participants who said that health warnings
make them smoke less, got increased urges, even when
looking at mutilated body parts. Wild, huh?

This is why chewing gum doesn't work to stop the smoking
habit... and why drugs don't work.

This is why "family intervention" rarely works... why
smoke-free buildings and smoke-free workplaces doesn't work.

It's funny that when non-smokers go through the same
tests, their nucleus accumbens do not get stimulated.

This is because they have a different view of smoking,
different motivations. Those pictures of disease gross out
non-smokers, but get smokers excited.

Because smokers and non-smokers have entirely different
self-images, completely different belief systems and
attitudes about smoking. Smoking means something different
to smokers compared to non-smokers.

When you think about a cigarette, for example, or about
the smoke itself or the smell of it, or about other people
who smoke, if you get all warm and fuzzy inside and you
identify with the people and the smells make you happy,
then there is little can force you to stop.

But if you feel repulsed by it, there is little that can
MAKE you smoke.

See the difference.

It's not the brain that does it. The brain is simply the
organ that shows the effects of what you believe.

What does this have to do with care-giving? Or Multiple sclerosis? Or Alziemer's disease? Nothing and everything.

Diet, or rather, improper diet, has been closely connected with both of these ultimately deadly diseases and yet do people eat properly? Do they change their eating habits? Hell no! The vast majority continues doing what they have always done and they suffer the results they have always suffered!

Appetite, diet (that's a four letter word by the way) if people know they are dying due to an improper diet do they set out to correct the problem? Not usually.

And don't expect your average doctor to mention proper nutrition; after all he is suffering from the same dietary deficiencies that you are with many of the same results due to the fact that he usually doesn't have any more knowledge about proper nutrition than you do.

Obtain the book THE CHINA STUDY by T. Colin Campbell, PHD and Thomas M. Campbell 11. This book is the result of the most comprehensive study of nutrition ever conducted and it very well could change your life.

I will be writing more on this subject, not because I am an expert, I am not, but I believe that it is high time we reclaimed control over our lives.

Get the book, THE CHINA STUDY, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain as my wife and I have discovered

God bless you and happy reading

Charles

YOU ARE NEEDED

2008-12-01T18:38:00.002-05:00

A dear friend shared this with me and now I share
it with you. I hope you are blessed by it as I was.
Charles

I spent the week before my daughter's June wedding
running last-minute trips to the caterer, florist,
tuxedo shop, and the church about forty miles away.
As happy as I was that Patsy was marrying a good
Christian young man, I felt laden with
responsibilities as I watched my budget dwindle . .
So many details, so many bills, and so little
time. My son Jack was away at college, but he said
he would be there to walk his younger sister down
the aisle, taking the place of his dad who had died
a few years before. He teased Patsy, saying he'd
wanted to give her away since she was about three
years old!
To save money, I gathered blossoms from several
friends who had large magnolia trees. Their
luscious, creamy-white blooms and slick green leaves
would make beautiful arrangements against the rich
dark wood inside the church.
After the rehearsal dinner the night before the
wedding, we banked the podium area and choir loft
with magnolias. As we left just before midnight, I
felt tired but satisfied this would be the best
wedding any bride had ever had! The music, the
ceremony, the reception - and especially the
flowers - would be remembered for years.
The big day arrived - the busiest day of my life -
and while her bridesmaids helped Patsy to dress, her
fiancé) Tim walked with me to the sanctuary to do a
final check. When we opened the door and felt a
rush of hot air, I almost fainted; and then I saw
them - all the beautiful white flowers were black.
Funeral black. An electrical storm during the night
had knocked out the air conditioning system, and on
that hot summer day, the flowers had wilted and
died.
I panicked, knowing I didn't have time to drive back
to our hometown, gather more flowers, and return in
time for the wedding.
Tim turned to me. "Edna, can you get more flowers?
I'll throw away these dead ones and put fresh
flowers in these arrangements."
I mumbled, "Sure," as he be-bopped down the hall to
put on his cuff links.
Alone in the large sanctuary, I looked up at the
dark wooden beams in the arched ceiling. "Lord," I
prayed, "please help me. I don't know anyone in
this town. Help me find someone willing to give me
flowers - in a hurry!" I scurried out praying for
four things: the blessing of white magnolias,
courage to find them in an unfamiliar yard, safety
from any dog that may bite my leg, and a nice person
who would not get out a shotgun when I asked to cut
his tree to shreds.
As I left the church, I saw magnolia trees in the
distance. I approached a house... No dog in sight.
I knocked on the door and an older man answered. So
far so good . . . No shotgun. When I stated my plea
the man beamed, "I'd be happy to!"
He climbed a stepladder and cut large boughs and
handed them down to me. Minutes later, as I lifted
the last armload into my car trunk, I said, "Sir,
you've made the mother of a bride happy today."
"No, Ma'am," he said. "You don't understand what's
happening here."
"What?" I asked.
"You see, my wife of sixty-seven years died on
Monday. On Tuesday I received friends at the
funeral home, and on Wednesday . . . He paused. I
saw tears welling up in his eyes. "On Wednesday I
buried her." He looked away. "On Thursday most of
my out-of-town relatives went back home, and on
Friday - yesterday - my children left."
I nodded.
"This morning," he continued, "I was sitting in my
den crying out loud. I miss her so much. For the
last sixteen years, as her health got worse, she
needed me. But now nobody needs me. This morning I
cried, 'Who needs an eighty-six-year-old wore-out
man? Nobody!' I began to cry louder. 'Nobody needs
me!' About that time, you knocked, and said, "Sir,
I need you."
I stood with my mouth open.
He asked, "Are you an angel? The way the light shone
around your head into my dark living room..."
I assured him I was no angel.
He smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking when I
handed you those magnolias?"
"No."
"I decided I'm needed. My flowers are needed. Why,
I might have a flower ministry! I could give them
to everyone! Some caskets at the funeral home have
no flowers. People need flowers at times like that
and I have lots of them. They're all over the
backyard! I can give them to hospitals, churches -
all sorts of places. You know what I'm going to do?
I'm going to serve the Lord until the day He calls
me home!"
I drove back to the church, filled with wonder. On
Patsy's wedding day, if anyone had asked me to
encourage someone who was hurting, I would have
said, "Forget it! It's my only daughter's wedding,
for goodness' sake! There is no way I can minister
to anyone today."
But God found a way. Through dead flowers.
"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the
way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes
the difference."

GRAVEL TO GOLD,

2008-11-27T21:23:00.002-05:00

Somebody passed the following caregiver tips to me and I now share them with you. Ms. Merritt, THE AUTHOR, obviously speaks from experience and she should be lauded for the well thought out advice that follows. C.T.

50 CAREGIVER TIPS
By
Jessica Merritt

Whether you're a professional nurse or just taking care of a loved one, you're bound to run into communication challenges as a caregiver. Some of the issues caregivers deal with include talking to care providers, managing memory loss, and avoiding power struggles. It's not an easy job, but armed with these tips, you can make things just a little bit easier.

Memory Loss

Many conditions, such as Alzheimer's, that require a caregiver involve memory loss, which can make communication difficult. Following these tips can help ease the difficulty.

1. Offer visual help: To jog your patient's memory, offer assistance like picture labels or pointing.
2. Be helpful: If your patient is having trouble placing a word or thought, gently suggest or try to provide what they're looking for.
3. Walk them through it: Instead of telling a person with memory loss what to do, you should show them specifically how to do it and even have them practice.
4. Provide lots of reminders: In the course of regular conversation, frequently remind your patient about events that are coming up.

Speaking

In the course of conversation, pay attention to the way you're speaking to the patient, and use these tips for better clarity and understanding.

5. Speak clearly: When talking to your patient, speak in slow, even tones with purpose so that you're easy to understand.
6. Speak only as loudly as you need to: Don't speak louder than you really need to, or you may insult your patient and make them frustrated.
7. Give them time: Give your patient ample time to formulate a response and don't interrupt.
8. Speak slowly: Don't rush through your words, or your patient may get overwhelmed by listening to you.
9. Talk about one thing at a time: Don't confuse your patient by changing conversations rapidly. Break up topics and alert them to conversation changes.

Attention

Patients may have hearing loss, attention problems, or just lots of distractions. Here's how to make sure you're getting their full attention.

10. Use their name: Your patient should respond to their name, so use it before talking to get their attention.
11. Ensure that needs are met: Your patient will communicate best when their needs like rest, hunger and exercise have been taken care of.
12. Choose a quiet place: Avoid environments with lots of noise so that even hard of hearing patients or those that get distracted won't have trouble hearing you.
13. Ask if it's a good time to talk: Your patient may not be in the mood to carry on a conversation, so always ask if they're ready to have a discussion.
14. Avoid distractions: Communicate in a location that doesn't have a lot of distractions like television or pets so that you won't have to compete for attention.
15. Keep eye contact: Maintain eye contact with your patient so that they know you're speaking specifically to them.
16. Offer encouragement: Say things like, "I understand," or "Tell me more."
17. Gently touch their arm or shoulder: Get their attention with a soft touch, and speak to them when they look at you.

Nonverbal

Although speech is important, your nonverbal signals are just as significant. Follow these tips to make sure you're using them effectively.

18. Always be aware of your own nonverbal cues: Your voice and body language will go a long way in your communication, so be sure that they're saying what you really mean.
19. Use hand signals: If your patient is hard of hearing, supplement your words with simple hand signals.
20. Maintain a comfortable distance: Although caregiving may have you in close contact often, it's not always comfortable to communicate in close quarters, so keep your distance.
21. Point: Supplement your words with a non-verbal signal like pointing to get your message across.
22. Draw: Creating a visual representation of what you're trying to communicate can make it easier for your patient to understand you.
23. Write out words: If your patient can't understand what you're saying, try writing it out to make things clearer.

Behavior

Practice the following behaviors when communicating with your patient.

24. Take a deep breath: Try deep breathing to relax before a conversation, and take deep breaths to calm down if the discussion turns difficult.
25. Always acknowledge your patient: Don't talk about your patient with others as if they're not there. Bring them into the conversation so that they can be involved as well.
26. Treat the patient as an adult: Always ask the patient to do something instead of telling them.
27. Be responsive: When your patient wants to talk, listen, and pay attention to nonverbal cues.
28. Listen: Carefully listen to what your patient is saying instead of quickly moving on to the next topic.
29. Avoid arguing: Remember that your patient's needs are the primary concern, and instead of arguing, focus on meeting needs.
30. Acknowledge feelings: Although it may be uncomfortable, it's important that you acknowledge the feelings of your patient so that they have someone to talk to and don't feel marginalized.
31. Pay attention to behavior: Consider whether your patient's words and behavior seem to match, or if they have something else they'd really like to say.
32. Be friendly: Laugh and use humor whenever it's appropriate to relieve tension and enjoy conversing with each other.
33. Ask questions: Don't assume you understand everything your patient is saying, ask questions until you have a clear picture.

With Others

Although communication with your patient is paramount, it's incredibly important that you can properly communicate with care providers, insurance, and family members, as you may act as your patient's mediator and voice.

34. Stay organized: As a caregiver, it's your responsibility to ensure that your patient's needs are carefully handled, so make sure that you have all of the information at hand when working with others.
35. Ensure that the doctor knows what you're doing: Don't let the doctor talk to your patient and leave you out of the loop. Ask to be told about instructions and important details.
36. Be patient: Dealing with doctors, insurance, and other patient needs can be trying, but it's important for their sake that you remain calm.
37. Take time with decisions: Don't feel pressured into making on-the-spot decisions if you don't have to. Take the time to discuss it with your patient and the family first.
38. Find out all of your doctor's details: Gather information about office hours, medical emergencies, after hours care, and alternative practitioners..
39. Do your research: Learn everything you can about your patient's condition so that you can make good decisions about their care and be able to discuss it with them.
40. Be persistent: Don't give up just because getting through is difficult. Remember that the health of another person is in your hands.
41. Take notes: Keep a care notebook with your patient's habits, your concerns for the doctor, and what the doctor says so that you'll have all of your information easy at hand when you need it.
42. Be honest: Don't keep important information to yourself just because it's embarrassing. Discuss incontinence, emotional outbursts, and other issues if they come up.
43. Be clear and specific: don't hint or assume that others know what you want or need.
44. Be sure you completely understand: Before ending the conversation, be absolutely sure that you understand what you've discussed by asking for clarification.
45. Talk openly about concerns: When talking with family members, don't shy away from topics of worry and fear. They need to be addressed, and will always come up eventually.
46. Make calls at a good time: Plan your phone calls so that they occur at a time that's convenient for your time as a caregiver as well as the other person on the phone. This is particularly helpful when dealing with doctors.
47. Keep the doctor in the loop: Make sure that your patient's doctor is well informed about complications like fever, drainage, and bleeding.
48. Don't gossip: Avoid sharing information about your patient with anyone that doesn't need to know. This is a violation of their privacy and trust.
49. Establish a relationship: Create an ally with your patient's receptionist, or an insurance representative so that you'll be more likely to get help when you need it.
50. Always ask questions about new medicine: Find out how long you should give the medicine for, how it should be administered, and other important details.

Again we must give Jessica Merritt credit for the above caregiver tips. I hope they bless you the reader as they have blessed me.
Charles Towne

IT'S ALL ABOUT ATTITUDE

2008-11-26T09:51:00.002-05:00

A friend sent this to me this morning and I thought we caregivers especially could benefit from it. I hope it blesses you as it did me. Charles

"A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably coifed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today.

His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.

After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

"I love it," he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy.

"Mr. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait." "That doesn't have anything to do with it," he replied. "Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up. I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do. Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focus on the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away. Just for this time in my life. Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you've put in. So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories! Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing."

Remember the five simple rules to be happy: 1. Free your heart from hatred. 2. Free your mind from worries. 3 Live simply. 4. Give more. ! 5. Expect less. (And I would add one more, Give thanks to God for what you have.)

THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY

2008-11-22T21:17:00.002-05:00

We all like to know that we are appreciated, right?

Nanny is so very delighted when I tell her that I love her. She absolutely revels in any kind word. When I tell her she is beautiful she beams. When I tell her that she looks nice she delights in it.

She is like a child in so many ways. I have finally arrived at the place in life where I believe that we are all childlike in one way or another.

She tells everyone that she was named after Frank Sinatra's daughter, Nancy with the smiling face. She tells people that she is beautiful. Sometimes she goes into her Betty Boop routine, you know, "Boop boop e doop."

I have to tell you, there are times that I absolutely detest Betty Boop!

This is my wife, and yes, this is my life, for now at least.

One thing that I have come to recognize is the value of family, not only to the patient but to the caregiver.

In the last ten years Nancy's father has not contacted her more than a half dozen times and in the last five or six years there has been no contact at all.

Both of her parents are still alive and she has a sister and a brother.

Contact is only from her sister and that is perfunctory at best.

The last time Nan was in the hospital her sister drove two hours to see her and Nan didn't recognize her at first.

The more contact there is the stronger the relationship because it will reinforce recognition.

I contacted Nanny's father four or five years ago to tell him that it would help if he called now and then. He became angry and said that he was sick too and if she wanted to talk she knew his phone number. Then he told me to never call back.

Family, family ties. Those are nice words and they should mean something special. Family is where you should be able to go when in time of trouble.

Family is where you turn when in need of loving support.

Family is to be depended upon, they are going to be there for you and you are going to be there for them, right? At least that is the way families should be.

My wife's family on the other hand can be compared to a pack of ravenous wolves. Fall and they will eat you. Abandonment has been the order of the day.

A support group should begin with family and it should end with family. The gaps can be filled with other caregivers but family members, reaching out in love fill a void that cannot be filled any other way.

There are two ladies from our church that have reached out to Nan in love. One is Ellen, the other is Martha. These two ladies epitomize Christian love. They each have several other ladies they reach out to plus they have their own lives. Between the two ladies they spend six or eight hours a week taking Nanny out window shopping, visiting, laughing. They lend a touch of normalcy to my dear wife's life.

How special it would be if Nancy's family was there for her. How special would it be if she periodically heard those special words, "I love you" from family members.

How sad, how very sad that these family members don't realize the value of a human soul. the beauty of their daughter, sister and mother.

How very sad that they do not reach out to this special woman.

You know, Nan misses her family but they are the ones who should be pitied, not Nancy.

Nan has been in a place of confusion for a long time but now, as she rallies, as she comes back from wherever it was that she has been, how sweet it would be if her family was there for her?

Oh well, that is something to pray for isn't it?

CAREGIVER'S CHECKLIST, Does your loved one require care?

2008-11-16T20:51:00.001-05:00

In each of the twenty categories below, place a checkmark next to the description that best fits your loved one. An A response means all is well, while a B suggests that intervention might be necessary. If you choose C, your loved one clearly requires help, though the nature and scope of that care can vary. A, D response means the person requires full time assistance, perhaps from a home health aide or an assisted living facility. Of coarse real life is seldom as clear cut as the choices made in this checklist. You may give your loved one an A in some categories but a B or C in others. Even so, the checklist can be a valuable tool when discussing the need for care with your loved one and other family members. Just as important, it can provide some important reinforcement and reassurance, should you decide to intervene.

1. Communication
___ A. No difficulty speaking, reading, writing or comprehending.
___ B. Occasional trouble recalling words. Reads less. Handwriting is not as legible. Sometimes requests that information be repeated, then comprehends.
___ C. Frequent trouble recalling words. Avoids reading; needs help with restuarent menus. Handwriting deteriorates noticeably. Frequent requests that information be repeated, but still may not comprehend.
___ D. Significant problems with word recall, reading, writing and comprehension. Struggles to maintain a conversation.

2. Mental function
___ A. Excercises good judgement. Makes appropriate decisions. No trouble recalling people, places, appointments, directions, or recent events.
___ B. Excercises reasonably good judgement, but requires some help or prompting. Experiences some occasional memory lapses.
___ C. Has noticeable difficulty with judgement. Frequently needs help with decisions. Shows significant memory impairment. Often appears confused.
___ D. Judgement and memory substantially unreliable. Needs considerable help making decisions.

3. Mood
___ A. Reasonably good moral and self esteem. Copes well with everyday stress. Grieves losses, then bounces back and carries on with life.
___ B. Displays occasional anxiety, depression, irritability, or fear that may interfere with normal functioning.
___ C. Increasing problems with anxiety, depression, irritability, or fear.
___ D. Mood problems take over. Becomes unmanageable and may cause harm to himself or others.

4. Behavior
___ A. Acts as usual in social occasions.
___ B. Occasionally acts in an unusual way--for example, wearing the same clothes day after day. Finds unreasonable fault with others.
___ C. Frequently act in disturbing ways that draw the attention of others. You avoid social situations with the person because of the potential for erratic behavior.
___ D. Erratic behavior predominates. The person no longer can function socially.

5. Mobility
___ A. Walks satisfactorily for a person of that age. Needs no help with stairs, escalators, or revolving doors.
___ B. Noticeably slower when walking or climbing stairs. Occasionally needs help with escalators and revolving doors.
___ C. Avoids walking. Frequently needs assistance; may use a cane or walker. Climbing stairs is increasingly difficult.
___ D. Cannot walk unassisted. Climbing stairs is difficult to impossible.

6. Medications
___ A. Takes own medications as directed, with few, if any, lapses.
___ B. Sometimes is confused about which medications to take when. Occasionally takes the wrong one(s).
___ C. Needs regular supervision to take medications correctly.
___ D. Depends on others to manage medications.

7. Meals
___ A. Prepares meals satisfactorily. Eats well without assistance.
___ B. Eats without difficulty but occasionally has difficulty preparing meals. Sometimes allows refrigerator or pantry to become bare or allows food to spoil.
___ C. Needs some help preparing meals and eating. Cannot maintain refrigerator and pantry without assistance; frequently allows food to spoil.
___ D. Unable to prepare meals. Cannot eat unaided.

8. Alcohol use
___ A. Not an issue. Drinks moderately moderately in social occasions if, if at all.
___ B. Liquor bottles appear in the garbage or elsewhere in the home with disturbing frequency, but the person seems unimpaired.
___ C. Signs of alcohol use increase. The person smells of alcohol and appears drunk.
___ D. Alcohol use out of control. Person displays disruptive behavior.

9. Finances
___ A. Needs no help with banking, paying bills, or balancing the checkbook.
___ B. Easily makes routine purchases but occasionally struggles with other financial matters, such as paying bills or balancing the checkbook.
___ C. Needs help to manage personal finances.
___ D. Incapable of handling personal finances.

!0. Safety
___ A. Maintains a safe lifestyle; remembers to lock doors, turn off the oven, and fasten seat belt.
___ B. Experiences occasional safety lapses.
___ C. Experiences more frequent safety lapses.
___ D. Lacks awareness of safety issues, potentially posing a danger to self and others.

11. Housekeeping
___ A. Maintain home at usual levels of neatness and cleanliness.
___ B. Can perform most housekeeping tasks, but with occasional lapses in neatness; for example, may allow garbage, mail, and newspapers to pile up.
___ C. Housekeeping skills are deteriorating. Needs help to maintain home at usual levels of neatness and cleanliness.
___ D. Unable to perform housekeeping tasks. Seems unconcerned about neatness and cleanliness or overwhelmed by the inability to maintain home.

12. Social Life
___ A. Maintains usual level of interpersonal relations with family and friends.
___ B. Occasionally has difficulty with relationships. May act insensitive or fail to observe expected social graces.
___ C. Needs prompting and assistance to maintain usual level of interpersonal relations.
___ D. Little remaining aptitude for relationships. Not interested or concerned about others.

13. Transportation
___ A. Travels independently. Drives or arranges for other transportation..
___ B. Experiences some lapses in judgement behind the wheel. Sometimes ignores stop signs and traffic lights. Has gotten traffic tickets and/or has been involved in minor accidents. Sometimes struggles to arrange for other transportation.
___ C. Experiences frequent lapses in judgement behind the wheel. Makes passengers feel unsafe, especially when driving at night. Often needs help in arranging for other transportation.
___ D. Can no longer drive safely. Always needs help arranging for other transportation.

14, Toileting
___ A. Needs no help.
___ B. Occasional accidents; needs some help.
___ C. Frequent incidents of wetting and soiling; needs more help.
___ D. Can no longer toilet alone.

15. Bathing
___ A. Bathes satisfactorily without assistance.
___ B. Reports difficulty with bathing. Needs help getting into and out of the tub or shower.
___ C. Needs regular assistance with bathing. May try to avoid it.
___ D. Cannot bathe satisfactorily, even with considerable help. Seems unconcerned with personal cleanliness.

16. Grooming
___ A. Grooms satisfactorily without assistance.
___ B. Experiences occasional lapses in grooming; may neglect to comb hair, or may have trouble shaving, brushing teeth, or caring for dentures or glasses.
___ C. Needs considerable help with grooming.
___ D. Cannot groom without assistance. Seems unconcerned about appearance.

17. Dressing
___ A. Dresses without assistance. Makes appropriate choices in clothing.
___ B. May struggle with buttons, jewelry, and/ or neckties. May need help selecting clothes.
___ C. Dresses with assistance. May seem intimidated by the choices in a closet full of clothes and shoes. May rely on someone else to put together outfits.
___ D. Needs help with nearly all aspects of dressing.

18. Grocery shopping
___ A. Purchases groceries without assistance.
___ B. Less able to shop indepently. May forget items, which results in more frequent trips to the supermarket. Pantry may lack some staples but contain multiples of others.
___ C. Needs help to shop. Seems intimidated by the supermarket and more forgetful. Pantry is in a worsening state of disarray.
___ D. Unable to shop even with assistance.

19. Laundry
___ A. Does own laundry satisfactorily. Takes care of clothing without assistance.
___ B. Has some trouble identifying items that need to be hand washed or dry-cleaned.
___ C. Needs help to do laundry; seems confused by the task.
___ D. Unable to do laundry even with assistance. Relies on someone else to wash clothes.

20. Telephone Use
___ A. Converses appropriately. Looks up telephone numbers, maintains a personal phone/address book satisfactorily. Able to manage a cordless phone.
___ B. Occasionally seems distracted or confused during conversations. Sometimes has trouble looking up phone numbers and keeping track of them. Occasionally misplaces a cordless phone.
___ C. Frequently seems distracted or confused during conversations. Shows decline in ability to look up telephone numbers and keep track of them. Frequently forgets to hang up the phone; often misplaces a cordless phone.
___ D. Has significant trouble using the phone; may avoid it.

Credit for "The Care giver's Checklist" goes to Pennsylvania State University Gerontology Center, University Park, Pennsylvania

CAREGIVER BURNOUT

2008-11-08T08:10:00.001-05:00

Dear Caregiver,

Believe me when I say, caregiver burnout is a very real malady which can and does hit most care givers.

Caregiver burnout is natural and to be expected and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

The demands placed upon the caregiver are so persistent, so, "IN YOUR FACE!" that it is only to be expected to want to "escape into a good book" or something equally distracting from the realities of the caregiver's life.

As I placed myself under that revealing "magnifying glass" that you speak of I discovered things, (Let's call them "caregiver warts")that I did not like. It was at times almost like I was seeing a stranger, another person, someone I did not recognize.

Guilt is a killer, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, so how do we eliminate guilt? I don't know if we can completely do so but I do know that there are things that help.
One is, get help, sooner rather than later.

Find a caregiver's support group nearby that you can attend regularly. Talk to your pastor or a good counselor and by all means ask family members to help! (Hopefully they are willing.) Family can sit and read to your loved one, prepare a meal, visit, be there, whatever. This will allow you to escape for a few hours now and then.

And remember, you are doing a marvelous job.

We all feel guilt now and then because we would like to do more and then there are, if you are like me, those times when we feel resentment, anger, frustration, and we over tend to react.

Bob suggests the use of humor and is he ever right for Laughter is healing, healing, healing!!! Like the bible says, "A happy heart does one good like a medicine." (That is my paraphrase.)

I wonder what Erma Bombeck would have to say about care giving? Remember her wonderful book, "THE GRASS IS GREENER OVER THE SEPTIC TANK!? Absolutely priceless.

Another thing that I have found that helps is journalling. Take time to write down your thoughts, things you have heard, seen, done. WRITE!

Remember, no two people ever see the same thing through the same eyes therefore there will invariably be a unique flow, or new take, on what you write!

Above all, draw near to God, He loves you, He will always be there for you.

More later.

P.S. THERE IS HOPE!!!

Blessings,

Charles

AVOIDING CARE GIVER BURNOUT

2008-11-04T11:37:00.002-05:00

• It is extremely important for you to evaluate and know just how much to give, especially if you can help your loved one to remain more independent.

• Keep your loved one involved in the decision making processes if they are able to participate.

• Open discussions for your loved ones to solve their problems but don't take on the role of solving them if they are able to.

• Do not assume control or responsibility if it is not necessary.

• Accept the what is. Do not try to change what you cannot.

• Do not let yourself move into denial.

• Seek help and support from others.

• Learn about your loved one's legal and financial matters. Check with their professionals to make sure things are in order.

• Make sure you have one or more friends or outlets for support to be able to express your real feelings.

• Know that there is no right or wrong way to caregive. It is okay if you do not have all the answers.

• Make sure you do not deplete your own financial resources.

• Eat regular, healthy, balanced meals. You need fuel for your body to combat the stress, the physical and emotional changes you go through and much more.

• Exercise regularly. Feeling invigorating and doing something for yourself, gives you confidence as well.

• Create a way to let laughter in on a daily basis. Find humor in your caregiving situation in some way.

• Call friends and reach out for support.

• Create leisure time for you to bathe, read a good book, watch a movie, write in a journal, or visit a friend. When you have joy and relaxation in your life, it is easier to tolerate the constant pressure of caregiving.

• Consult your doctor or therapist if you are having difficulty sleeping. See if you can meditate or breathe deeply before closing your eyes. Relax your entire body. Stop worrying...count your blessings and reflect on five things that happened to you during the day that you are grateful for. If you cannot sleep through these methods, you may need to try herbs or some form of medication to help you get a full night's rest.

• Find others offline or online who can relate to your experiences as a caregiver so that you know you are not alone.

• If you cannot get a grip on yourself, you must seek out professional help. A doctor, social worker, or a therapist can help you to recognize what you can do to change your situation and help you to adjust to your role so that you can meet the challenges with a clear mind, with strength, confidence and an open heart.

These tips have helped me and I hope they help you through troublesome times. The one thing that I have discovered that helps more than anything else is to reach out to God in prayer. We cannot expect to carry such a burden alone but He is willing and able to hold us and comfort us in His loving arms and give us strength.
God bless you and keep you is my prayer.

Charles

IT'S A MATTER OF CHOICE

2008-10-28T08:49:00.000-04:00

We, the American public, live in a toxic food environment and by all of the evidence it doesn't seem that we are really concerned all that much because we continue making decisions that negatively impact our health.

There is an interesting phenomenon at work which we see in the reaction to scares such as the avian flu pandemic while entire nations give little recognition to the even greater dangers presented by improper diet.

We, the American public, are beguiled and seduced by big business that bombards us with foods that are not only lacking in nutrition but downright harmful to our health.

Fat, or obesity, is becoming more the norm than the exception as the food industry spends billions of dollars annually on the big lie, that the standard American diet is nutritious and healthy.

Not only that, but our own government supports the involved industries in this subterfuge.

In a time when we are awash in a sea of nutritional information and mis-information, when bookstores have shelves loaded with volumes promising cures for a broad variety of diseases and diet books such as the new Atkins diet and, The Eat Anything Diet and The Carbohydrate Diet and the chocolate diet, etc. are sold by the tens of thousands.

One would expect the American public to be the healthiest people in the world when in fact just the opposite is true.

That we are in the midst of an epidemic of gargantuan proportions is unquestionable.

"Medical problems once seen only in adults fifty and older are now striking children. Heart disease, stroke, high blood pressure, asthma, joint problems, arthritis are more the norm than the exception.

One in three children born in the year 2000 are expected to develop type two diabetes with the risk of blindness, loss of kidney function and early death associated with it. This is the first generation in American history whose life expectancy may actually decrease." The above quote is from the excellent book, SUPER SIZED KIDS, by Walt Latimore, M.D.

(It should be noted that all of the above mentioned diseases can be cured by following a regimen of proper diet, exercise and healthful living.)

We, the American people, have been hornswoggled and bamboozled into believing that genetic research will eventually lead to cures for all of man's diseases when in fact the cure is already within easy reach of each and every man, woman and child.

We are so gullible that we obsess over vitamin and mineral supplements to the tune of untold millions of dollars annually, believing that they are going to give us long term health and protection against disease while we ignore proper nutrition and continue to eat foods that are killing us.

As a people we have completely bought in to the great lie promulgated by the pharmaceutical companies that we can cure disease by popping a pill and we have erred in the belief that the medical profession has all of the solutions for good health. (They do not! If they did why would we have so many overweight doctors and others dying of the same diseases as the rest of us?)

The Hippocratic oath, at one time accepted as mandatory for physicians is no longer so, likely due to the fact that part of the original reads, "I will not give a lethal drug to anyone if I am asked, nor will I advise such a plan…"

In another place that same oath reads, "And never do harm to anyone."

In light of the fact that most drugs prescribed today have deadly side effects it is no wonder that physicians are no longer expected to take the Hippocratic Oath as a rite of passage.

The one thing that seems to be obvious as we enter this new millennium and the earth's human population nears the seven billion figure is that just perhaps we have discovered the means to remedy the population explosion and it won't be another bubonic plague, oh no; this time we just might simply eat ourselves to death.

Isn't it high time that we as a people took control over our own lives?

All of man's diseases could be eliminated in a relatively short time but the choice is ours isn't it?

Choice? For good or bad we make choices every day.

There is an interesting phenomenon at work when at the end of the day and all of the information is in we choose to ignore the research and continue on a predetermined course that we know is harmful.

As a very obvious example concerning choice consider the use of tobacco. The research proves unequivocally that smoking is harmful to one's health and yet people continue to smoke.

Good health is desired by all. Only a nutcase would say good health was not important and yet what it boils down to is choice, choosing wisely, today.

AN INTRODUCTION TO A CHANGED LIFE

2008-10-24T13:08:00.002-04:00

Well, what can I say? I guess it all started under the pall of a death sentence. That is something doctors are good at today, issuing death sentences.

"Mr. Towne you will have to be on blood pressure medicine for the rest of your life and let's not forget the cholesterol medicine, you will have to take that to keep the stints and the angioplasty clear.

And here, this is also important, a prescription for nitro glycerin, only take it when you are having another heart attack"

"O.k. doc, you know best."

The same scenario was played out for my wife, only worse.

"Mr. Towne you will have to place your wife in an Alzheimer's unit for her own protection. And here, these drugs will stop her depression" (He didn't say they would turn her into something from the walking dead.) "And these two drugs are going to slow down the progression of Alzheimer's, and this one, now this is a doozy, one shot a week to the tune of fifteen hundred smackers per month! This will slow down the recurrences of the M.S. What's that, Naw; I don't get anything for prescribing these drugs! That's a good boy; you go home now and have a good life, bye, bye. Next!"

Two doctors signed papers recommending Nan's admission to a nursing home/Alzheimer's unit.

God, how could I do this?

So that you may better understand my quandary you should know that I have been a notorious runner.

After the tragic death of my first wife and the mother of my four children in an accident caused by a drunk driver I remarried, too fast, and I might add, just as quickly divorced.

Yet in my mental diapers without the good sense God gave a goofy gopher I prospected in the diamond fields of Eros and turned up a lot of lumps of coal.

Number three wife was followed by number four, actually a real gem, and then Nancy appeared, drawing me as a moth to a flame and I heard a voice, a deep Godlike voice saying, "Last chance Charles, you better get this one right!"

As I sat contemplating my belly button trying to figure out what to do next God spoke to me again and what He said got my attention.

"Charles," (I always know He is serious when He calls me Charles this way. "Charles, Nancy just might be your salvation!"
"O.K. Lord, I'll play along, how can Nancy possibly be my salvation?"

"Well, let me count the ways! First of all, it has always been two easy for you to run when things got tough so that is something you need to come to grips with.
Secondly, you are impatient, often harsh. Believe me when I say, Nancy is good for you so suck it up me bucko!"

After listening to about a hundred other reasons that Nancy would be good for me and being told to "suck it up" He added, almost as an addendum, "And remember Charles, Nancy needs your love!"

A few more minutes passed leading me to believe that He was finished when He whispered almost as an addendum, "And remember Charles, I'm watching!"

Only an idiot or a lobotomized lab rat would forget that God was watching so I must admit to some misgivings when He felt it was necessary to remind me.

O.K., the pressure was on.

Please stay tuned for another episode in the eventful life of yours truly.

THE FRUITS OF THE CAREGIVER'S SPIRIT

2008-10-17T14:17:00.002-04:00

The most famous Bible passage about the 'fruit of the Spirit' is in Galatians 5:22, where the apostle Paul gives us a list of fruit. (Paul was into making lists.) The list is meant as a contrast to the list of the 'deeds of the flesh' found in 5:19-20. The fruit list is clearly not intended as an exhaustive description of the fruit, but was given to highlight the fruit that Paul wants the Galatian church to keep in mind. He lists the following fruit:

love,
joy,
peace,
patience,
kindness,
goodness,
faithfulness,
gentleness,
self-control,

When Paul follows the list of the fruit of the Spirit by saying "against such things there is no law", he was talking about the fact that the religious authorities and the Hebrew Torah (law) are positive toward behavior that shows these characteristics.
Even a staunch enemy of the church will likely find these qualities appealing. These are known to be positive characteristics by almost everyone, in most eras, in most lands.
In 1 Corinthians 13, in the midst of Paul's description of the gifts of the Spirit, there is a section on love. While not directly about 'fruit', it is about what springs from love, and it is in much the same vein. According to verses 4-8, love:
suffers long.
is kind.
does not envy.
does not get puffed up.
does not behave rudely.
is not provoked;
does not think evilly, nor rejoice in sin.
rejoices in the truth.
bears all things.
believes all things.
hopes all things.
endures all things.

WHAT MAKES THE FRUIT SO IMPORTANT?

These fruit lists describe what a Christian's character grows into, over time. There was no word in there about being given the Midas touch for resolving all financial woes. There's not even the slightest signal in there about tongues being the evidence of the Spirit's presence.

There's nothing about crusading for a just society, though there is something about being just. These lists are completely silent about miraculous deeds or the gifts of wisdom or knowledge or discernment as signs of the Spirit's rule within a person.

The lists give no special credit to official power or office or responsibility. These matters of character are the stuff which gives life-ness to life. It is holiness taking root in you. It is something you are, not just something you do or think.

The early Protestants knew from Scripture that if the Spirit dwells in a person, that person will start taking on the characteristics described as the fruit of the Spirit. The Spirit works to change Christians so they have the depth of character the Bible talks about. It's not automatic or sudden. Like everything else in this broken world and its broken people, it's something that arises in part, not completely, in this life. We are always 'under construction', The Spirit never leaves "well enough" alone, but is always working for something better, refashioning us into being like Christ.

Thus we are developing that most coveted character trait, the mind of Christ and this then is what turns us into perfect caregivers.

ON FLYING

2008-10-10T17:18:00.000-04:00

Twice in my life I have dreamed of flying. Now I want you to know, this wasn't flying like in an airplane, oh no. What I am talking about is flying, like as in, "flap your arms like a bird and you can fly, soar with the eagles!" flying.

In one dream I was even teaching the technique of flying to a group of young people in a local school. The setting was a large gymnasium with bleachers on one side. I was with a group of high school students and we were gathered at the top of the high bleachers.

I was encouraging one of the students with, "You can do it, just believe and imagine yourself flying. That is it, now put out your arms and gently, slowly, move them up and down like wings.

There were young men and women in the group but it was a young man that I was instructing. He followed my encouraging words and flew, almost ceiling height out over the floor of the gym and back again with a smile of joy and fulfillment on his face.

The young people were thrilled. Their faces were all light and smiles as they anticipated their own first flight.

A man who I recognized as one of the teachers at the school approached me and with a very sober voice and with a stern look of reproach and disapproval he said, "You are going to have to stop, we don't teach that at this school."

When I awoke I was brokenhearted and there were tears of sadness on my cheeks as the thought came into my mind, "Do we steal dreams from our young people today?"

The other flying dream was similar to the first in that I could fly but I was in the mountains and I was alone standing on one of the tallest peaks.

From my vantage point I could gaze out upon lesser peaks and into the valleys and I flew and soared like a bird.

Flying like that is such a joy!
Again, when I awoke there were tears of disappointment in the knowledge that I was yet earthbound.

What does this have to do with being a caregiver? You might ask.

Well, I am not sure that it has anything to do with care giving other than the fact that in my life I have learned that with God's help I can do a lot of things that would have been impossible if I had to do them on my own and care giving is one of them.

Someday I'll even fly.

The other four principles of, N.E.W.S.T.A.R.T.

2008-10-09T00:01:00.000-04:00

T - Temperance -

Also known as abstemiousness, temperance is the principle of self-control. We've all heard the expression "moderation in all things." Well, that's not quite right. All things harmful to the body should be totally avoided. All drugs, alcohol, tobacco, coffee and most food additives are harmful, and their use should be discontinued, not moderated. Learn to be a label reader when you shop for food. A good rule of thumb is "if you can't pronounce it, don't eat it." Two major poisons found in processed foods are Monosodium Glutamate (MSG) and Aspertame (Nutrasweet). These chemicals over-stimulate neurotransmitters in the brain and have been shown to produce violent behavior in children and brain tumors in adults. MSG can hide behind such names as "natural flavorings" and "modified food starch." That "natural color" you've been ingesting in your favorite beverage may be made from ground bugs. Bugs!

The things which are good for us we should use in moderation. We should eat sufficiently for our daily labor, but not be gluttons. Similarly, we should seek moderation in all facets of our lives. We should not over-work, over-rest, over-play or over-anything. For best health, be balanced in all of life's activities.

A - Air -

We can survive weeks without food, days without water, but only minutes without air. Really it's the oxygen in the air that we need to sustain life. The oxygen level in our atmosphere is about 21% over most of the planet, but can dip to as low as 10% in large cities. It can go even lower in well-sealed homes and office buildings. Otto Warburg won the Nobel Prize in the 1930's for demonstrating that normal cells turn cancerous when deprived of oxygen. This may be part of the explanation for rise in cancer death rates over the last few decades.

Add to the low oxygen levels tons of air pollutants and you have air that truly isn't fit to breath. The level of air pollution measured in the middle of the Pacific Ocean is 15,000 particles per cubic inch (ppci). When compared to the level found in most major cities (5,000,000 ppci), we see a 300:1 increase. Add to this the pollutants generated in most homes and offices from carpet, insulation, cleaning materials, etc., and it's easy to see why so many of us are keeling over. And we haven't yet mentioned smoking. Sixty percent of the people in this country live in areas that don't meet the provisions of the 1970 Clean Air Act.

So what can we do? If you smoke, stop. If you can, move to the country. If you live in a large city, try to find a park with as many trees and as little nearby traffic as you can, and spend time breathing there. Get air filters and ionizers for your home. Try to eliminate as many indoor pollutants as possible. Get lots of indoor plants - they generate oxygen and make for a more livable environment. Especially beneficial are the spider plants because they act as natural air filters.

R - Rest -

Rest is vital for healthful bodily function. It is the time when the damage caused by the day's metabolic activity is repaired. Even our internal organs need rest. The heart rests between each beat, the lungs between each breath and the stomach between meals if we don't snack between meals. We should also not eat within several hours of bedtime, since digestion is disturbing of proper rest. The central nervous system rests during sleep. Just as a mechanic must turn off the car's engine to accomplish some repairs on it, so must our bodies partially shut down to allow repair.

When we are deprived of sleep, the daily maintenance is not accomplished and we feel the effects the next day. Symptoms of sleep loss can include: depression, apathy, irritability and aggression. Insomnia frequently robs many of us of our nightly maintenance cycle. Sleeping pills are not the answer. These pills alter the sleep cycle, decreasing REM sleep, and generally tend to increase the insomnia problem. A goodly amount of daily exercise (not close to bedtime) is the best prescription for sleep. Many people find certain herbal teas helpful for inducing sleep. Such herbs as Valerian Root, Catnip and Hops are frequently used.

Not all sleep is of equal value. We should try to get to sleep as early as possible, since generally every hour of sleep before midnight is worth two after midnight. The amount of sleep we get is also important. Generally seven to eight hours is best. Significantly more or less sleep than this amount is detrimental to health.

T - Trust in Divine Power -

Our society is rife with the pain of broken hearts that won't heal, with marriages that won't mend, with minds that know only anger and hatred, but never joy and contentment. Stress, depression, despair, anxiety, guilt, anger, revenge, jealousy, etc. are rampant. These mental states eventually lead to disease. In fact, it is estimated that 90% of all physical disease has its origin in the mind.

Can't the psychiatrists help these miserable wretches? No. You see, they can't give these millions upon millions of desperate people the one and only thing they need (though they themselves don't know that they need it). That one thing is relief from the guilt they feel for the sins in their life. Our creator placed the conscience within each of us, and only He can clear it. Without trust in divine power, life can be overwhelming. But, God will forgive your sins, all you have to do is ask. He is also the one who can heal your body.

Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits; Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases.

These eight simple laws, if obeyed, bring the blessings of health and happiness. If disobeyed, they bring the curse of disease and death. The choice is yours. Therefore choose life

THE EIGHT NATURAL LAWS

2008-10-05T10:21:00.002-04:00

The N.E.W. S.T.A.R.T.

Now that we know who's responsible for our poor health (ourselves), and where the problem lies (lifestyles); we can do something about it - if we choose to take responsibility for our own health. The solution to our health problems is extremely simple, requiring only that we understand a few basic principles - or Natural Laws - of our being and that, as far as possible, we try to live within them.
When we buy a new car, we get a most important document with it - the owner's manual. When we choose to comply with certain requirements that the automobile designers left as instructions for the owner, the life of the car is greatly extended. If however, we choose not to change the oil, or if we put soda pop rather than gasoline in the tank, it won't survive for long. The human body is a much more sophisticated "machine" than a car; it is "fearfully and wonderfully made."1 And, it is a little known fact that an owner's manual for the human body has been supplied under the direction of the Designer. Within its pages are found Eight Natural Laws of Health; together with the warranty statement that if we comply with these laws, "I will not put none of these diseases upon thee, which I have brought upon the Egyptians."2 Interestingly, comparison of the mummified remains of the ancient Egyptian people with their Hebrew slave contemporaries shows a marked contrast in the health of the two peoples. The Egyptians suffered all the same diseases as we Americans (arthritis, osteoporosis, cancer, etc.), but the Hebrew slave remains showed "none of these diseases."

Within the pages of the "owner's manual" are found Eight Natural Laws of Health. These laws can easily be remembered by the acronym N.E.W. S.T.A.R.T., which stands for:

Nutrition Sunshine
Exercise Temperance
Water Air
Rest
Trust in Divine Power

N - Nutrition -

The subject of nutrition is quite broad, and rather difficult to understand in terms of the Standard American Diet (SAD) and lifestyle. As schoolchildren, we learned the four basic food groups from charts supplied by the Meat and Dairy Council. We've been bombarded by advertising that boasts "milk is good food - it does a body good" and "beef - real food for real people" so long that we assume it must be true. We've become convinced that we can't survive without ingesting meat and/or dairy products three times a day. We're convinced that the more protein we take in the better, and that milk is the best source of the calcium needed to prevent bone mass loss in later years. But is it true? Who can we ask? Our doctors? The average medical doctor in this country takes only one (elective) course in nutrition in medical school - hardly experts in the necessary maintenance of the human machine. I wouldn't trust my car to a mechanic who didn't know the difference between motor oil and molasses.

What does the maintenance manual originally prescribe for our optimal diet? "Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every green tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat."3 Can human beings really subsist on a diet devoid of all animal products - consuming only fruits, vegetables, nuts and grains? The answer is an emphatic yes; and quite nicely, too. History is replete with examples of well known vegetarians. A few of my personal favorites are the likes of: Leonardo da Vinci, Sir Isaac Newton, Ellen G. White and Albert Einstein. Today, millions of Americans are vegetarians, and their ranks are swelling rapidly as the truth about the SAD spreads.

Many people initially worry that they won't receive proper nutrition on a vegetarian diet. They are generally concerned with getting enough and "complete" protein, and essential vitamins and minerals. These nutritive elements are readily available in great abundance in the vegetarian diet. The quantity and type of protein actually required by the human body is quite different than the myth perpetuated by the meat and dairy council. The "complete" protein studies conducted on mice in the 1920s have since been completely debunked as pertaining to humans; our amino acid structures are completely different.

The average adult American on the SAD consumes about 150 grams of protein per day - over five times the 28 grams per day actually needed for good health. Since our bodies cannot store protein, it must be eliminated or "flushed out" daily. Unfortunately, the elimination of each amino acid molecule from the body requires one molecule of calcium - and this is usually taken from the bones. Thus, over consumption of protein in the American diet is the root cause of our osteoporosis epidemic - and global demographic studies bear this out. There is a striking correlation between a country's protein consumption and the occurrence of osteoporosis in that country.

But, doesn't the "owner's manual" allow the consumption of meat? Yes, it was permitted after the flood because there was no plant life remaining. But, it was restricted to "clean," disease-free animals4 only. The eating of swine (pork chops, ham and bacon), rabbit, most birds other than chicken and turkey, snails, shrimp, squid, lobster and all shellfish, shark, catfish and many other animals was strictly forbidden. Why? To be arbitrarily restrictive? No indeed - for the same reason we shouldn't eat these animals today - they are biological waste scavengers and are detrimental to our health.
Furthermore, it was to be a "perpetual statute" that we "eat neither fat nor blood"5. Fat cells are the storehouses of toxins in animals, and blood itself turns toxic to a certain extent upon the animal's death. Just try to find some fat- and blood-free meat in this country. It can't be found.

Even well after the flood, Daniel and his three friends proved that a pure vegetarian diet made them stronger, smarter and better looking than their peers. It still will today.

The nutritional requirements for the human body are actually significantly different then most people imagine. Only five basic quantities are needed for an adult's daily nutritional sustenance: (1) Protein - only one ounce is needed, and is readily available in grains, legumes and green vegetables. (2) Energy - from carbohydrates and oils - about 2000 calories, average. (3) Water - about two quarts of pure water. (4) Vitamins, minerals, and enzymes - abundant in fresh fruits and vegetables. Liberal daily quantities eliminate the need for most supplements. (5) Fiber - from whole grains, fruits and vegetables. All natural foods (unprocessed fruits, vegetables, nuts and grains) contain nutrients from all five of the groups above, although in varying amounts and chemical composition. For this reason, we must eat a wide variety in order to get all the required nutrients in sufficient quantity. Meat, on the other hand, is composed primarily of protein and fat, with few vitamins and no enzymes or fiber.
Unfortunately, even this pure vegetarian diet can no longer provide all the essential nutrients we need for optimum health, so some supplementation is needed. Certain essential trace minerals, demonstrated to prevent many of our most common diseases, have been totally depleted from our soils by over-farming. Fertilizer replenishes only nitrogen, potassium and phosphorous - not the essential trace minerals. Not only do most mineral supplements not contain these essential trace minerals, but the ones they do contain are in non-colloidal, metallic form, and are almost unabsorbable by the body. Several excellent sources of colloidal trace minerals are available which derive their potency from ancient plant deposits in the earth.

Enzymes are essential agents in all the body's metabolic processes, and their importance in this regard has come to the fore in recent years. Enzymes come from two sources: (1) You were born with a certain "enzyme pool", and (2) Raw fruits, vegetables, nuts and grains (cooking destroys enzymes). The rate at which we deplete our enzyme pool determines the age at which we begin the degenerative aging process. This explains why young folks can thrive on junk food, but the same stuff is murder to older folks. If we have a diet high in raw foods, we don' deplete our enzyme reserves so quickly, since raw (plant) foods contain just the right amounts of just the right types of enzymes to digest themselves. But, if we spent our earlier lives eating primarily processed and cooked foods, then we must now either eat raw food almost exclusively, take enzyme supplements or look forward to a life of increasingly poor health and untimely death (less than age 120).

The latest area of nutritional research is that of phytochemicals (Gr. "plant" chemicals). There are literally thousands of them to be discovered, but already they are demonstrating the ability to prevent deadly diseases such as cancer. And the good news is that they are free in fresh produce.

E - Exercise -

"And the Lord God took the man [Adam], and put him into the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it." Genesis 2:15. Man was created to be physically active. The old adage "use it or loose it" is literally true. Our muscles begin to atrophy unless they receive exercise on a regular basis. But, muscle weakness is not the only result of physical inactivity. Obesity, protruding abdomen, chronic low back pain, muscle stiffness and soreness, lack of endurance, low breathing capacity, intolerance to stress, elevated resting pulse rate and blood pressure, increased blood fat levels, and increased risk of cardiovascular disease are all syndromes associated with lack of exercise.

By contrast, a regular, modest exercise program will promote not only muscle strength and flexibility, but endurance as well. Muscle size is not necessarily the best indicator of strength, since it may look large on the outside, but actually contain a great deal of fat. Flexibility problems usually arise from long periods of sitting, improper posture and lack of exercise. Endurance is primarily related to cardio-vascular health, and is characterized by the efficiency with which oxygen is supplied to the cells of our body and, together with fuel is manifested as energy or work. Exercise is the only cure for lack of endurance or fatigue.

Although large sums of money may be spent on exercise equipment, gym memberships, athletic fees and the like, good health is free. Walking is the best of all forms of exercise, and it costs nothing. Useful labor that utilizes as many muscle groups as possible is doubly profitable. Moderate exercise, such as a leisurely walk is fine after a meal, but strenuous exercise immediately after eating should be avoided.

If weight/size reduction is also a goal in your exercise program, strenuous exercise of those areas needing reduction is neither necessary or profitable. Fat is not removed by exercise of the muscle group nearest the fat. Fat is burned for energy by all the active muscles of the body, and is supplied from the fat cells to the muscle cells via the blood stream. Thus the maximum fat is burned from all storage locations when the largest muscles (primarily the legs) are exercised. We've all heard the admonishment, "no pain - no gain," but it's not true. Fat will not be utilized for muscle energy unless there is abundant oxygen present in the cells. This occurs when we exercise so hard that we're out of breath. In this condition, the muscle cells can metabolize only blood sugars, and if these are depleted, protein from the muscles themselves will be burned. The muscle pain that we feel subsequent to vigorous exercise is produced by a buildup of lactic acid in the muscle as a result of this under-oxygenated metabolism. Thus, "no pain - more gain" is a more accurate expression. So exercise moderately, breathing heavier than normal, but still able to carry on a conversation without difficulty.

The form of exercise that one chooses is not all that critical, as long as it is in line with the above principles. But, so that you are able to stick with it over the long term, it should be fun, convenient, not too difficult, inexpensive and not at all dangerous. (Injured folks don't exercise too well.)

Exercise is crucial even for the sick or infirmed. Not only does it increase the ability to oxygenate the blood, but it also stimulates the immune system. Thus exercise is very beneficial to healing of all types. Strange as it may seem, the best medicine to take when you feel a cold or the flu coming on is a nice brisk walk. Even the severely infirmed can benefit from exercise. If you can manage only a few steps, do it, and tomorrow you will be able to take one or two more, and so on. Your recovery will accelerate as your paces increase. If you can't walk, move whatever you can. The benefits of exercise are well worth the modest effort required.

W - Water -

The average person's body is composed of over 50% water. Water is vital to circulation, digestion, glandular secretions, respiration, temperature regulation, waste elimination and most other bodily functions. Water also helps to protect, insulate and lubricate, as well as give flexibility to our joints, muscles and ligaments. Our bodies recycle all but about10 cups of water per day. This amount being lost through urine, exhalation of water vapor, bowel excrement and skin pore evaporation. We get back 4 1/2 cups from our food, etc. so 5 1/2 cups is the bare minimum daily intake we need to prevent dehydration. Eight glasses or more are recommended. More is particularly required at higher temperatures and altitudes. Death generally occurs when about 20% of our body's water is depleted. Thirst is an unreliable guide to water intake requirements. A systematic daily water drinking plan is best.

Water, in its purest possible form is the liquid required by the body. Our ground water supply is in large part so contaminated that it is not safe to drink. Much of the rainfall in this country is also contaminated by aerosol pollutants. Our drinking water supplies are made safe from bacterial contamination such as cholera, typhoid and amoebic dysentery by the addition of another carcinogenic poison - chlorine. As if this were not enough, a poisonous byproduct from the aluminum industry, hydrofluoric acid, being too corrosive to contain, is dumped into our drinking water supply and touted as a tooth decay preventative. Most of us don't consume plain water anyway - perhaps it tastes too bad. We prefer soft drinks, coffee, tea, milk or alcoholic beverages. All of these drinks contain harmful substances that the body must deal with just to get that precious liquid - pure water. The best drink for your body today is pure steam-distilled water - the only solvent of use to your body. Many people believe that mineral-laced water is necessary for good health. Quite the contrary. The metallic form minerals found in most naturally-occurring water sources are only about 5% absorbable. We get our daily mineral supply best from plant sources where the colloidal form minerals are about 95% absorbable. The minerals in "hard" water tend to collect on the inside walls of our arteries contributing to arteriosclerosis, whereas "soft" distilled water tends to dissolve and eliminate these deposits. Many a kidney ailment has also been eliminated by simply drinking liberal quantities of distilled water. So drink plenty of distilled water daily, but don't drink anything with your meals as it tends to interfere with digestion by diluting the gastric juices.
Water is also a blessing on the outside of our bodies. Daily bathing not only makes us and the people nearby feel better, but it removes the perspiration, body oils and wastes secreted by the pores of our skin. It also functions as a tonic and a healing agent. A warm bath soothes and relaxes the tired body like nothing else can. A short, cold shower tends to stimulate. In the form of ice, water is used to reduce the swelling due to acute strain or sprain. Alternating hot and cold wet compresses can be used to speed the healing of infections or inflammations. A congestion headache can be relieved by placing a cold compress on the head while placing the feet in hot water.

S - Sunlight -

Sunlight is indeed a blessing. It has been shown to increase our sense of well being, improve sleep, and even stimulate an increase in the production of red blood cells. Sunlight has healing properties, and can be used to treat skin disorders such as athletes foot, diaper rash, acne, boils, psoriasis and impetigo. The ultraviolet rays of the sun are known to kill bacteria, viruses, fungi, yeasts, molds and mites on household surfaces. So open the windows and let the sun shine in (the ultraviolet spectrum is absorbed by window glass).

The ultraviolet rays of sunshine on our skin converts cholesterol in the skin to Vitamin D - an essential vitamin. A 15 minute dose on the face and arms each day is sufficient for our daily Vitamin D requirement. Overexposure to sunlight can result in damage to the skin, and subsequently, to basal or squamous cell carcinoma. The big killer among skin cancers, however is malignant melanoma. This cancer is generally found on shaded portions of the body, and is not related to sun exposure. So enjoy the blessings of the sun, but don't overdo it.

Next time I will post the final four "natural laws".

THE EIGHT NATURAL LAWS OF HEALTH, By Jerry Milan

2008-09-30T15:11:00.007-04:00

Greetings dear friends,
Please excuse me for being out of touch for the last two weeks.
I have been in the heart of Ontario Canada in the beautiful Muskokas, attending one of Dr, Sang Lee's New Start seminars and I must say, my life has been dramatically impacted.
Nancy and I have been rejuvinated, powerfully impacted and exposed to a life changing principle so dramatic and yet so simple anyone could follow it and benefit from doing so but I fear few will do so for they would rather surrender their decision making and the care of their health to well meaning doctors who know less about their health than they themselves.
My heart is healing and the process of healing is so simple it is frightening, (No drugs, no prescriptions, no supplements.) My b.p. this A.M. was 110 over 72!!
Nancy, My dear sweet wife is walking without that damned walker and she is vibrant and singing praises to our wonderful God and happier than she has been in four or five years.
I thank God for my decision to not put her in a nursing home!
Below is an introduction to the principle of NEW START as a friend wrote it up.
In the subsequent articles posted will be the eight NEW START principles, watch for them.
God bless you and love you all, Charles
P.S. Nan's B.P. this A.M. was 130 over 80, and that is without blood pressure meds for two weeks!!! This really works folks!!!
P.P.S. Nan and I went for a walk this A.M. and we walked and Nan sang praise songs. We walked 1 1/2 miles!!! That is the furthest that Nan has walked in almost four years!!! Praise God!!!
Stay healthy and happy!!!
Charles

JERRY'S ARTICLE

There's been a lot of talk in recent years about providing health care for America's 300 million citizens. Some think it should remain private; some are for government control, and all agree that it's too expensive. But very few are asking if this system is indeed what it purports to be - "health" care.

If our "health" care is so great, why are so many of us dying?
In 2006 the United States spent more on "health" care than any other country on the planet - $1.7 trillion; an average of over $5,700 for every man, woman and child. And that spending level is expected to more than double within a decade. You would think then that this enormous expenditure would buy the best health in the world - right? Wrong! Comparative per capita death rate data from the 2007 World Atlas ranks the United States at number 110 of the 207 countries listed. A greater percentage of Americans die each year than do the peoples of Albania, Iran, Iraq, Viet Nam and North Korea. The U.S. had 2.6 times the death rate from lung/throat cancer as did Portugal, and 3.8 times the death rate from female breast cancer and 5 times the death rate from heart disease as did Japan. What a poor showing for the richest, most technologically advanced nation on Earth!

So how do we explain such a discrepancy? If our "health" care is so great, why are so many of us dying? First, we should point out that our medical technology is without a doubt the finest in the world. But this technology includes primarily diagnostic and life support equipment, surgical techniques and the like which are useful tools for analyzing and repairing our damaged bodies, but do not of themselves promote health. It is estimated. for example, that 50 percent of all heart bypass patients are back for repeat surgery within five years, and expensive angioplasty is temporary at best. Since the "War on Cancer" was declared by President Nixon in 1971, trillions of dollars have been spent on cancer research and treatment. Today cancer is an 110 billion dollar per year industry - with more people making a living off of it than actually have the disease. So, "How goes the war" you ask? We're losing! The per capita rate of cancer has actually increased by 16 percent since Nixon was in office.

"Everyone should know that the 'war on cancer' is largely a fraud." Linus Pauling, two-time Nobel laureate.

"War on Cancer". . . . We're losing!
For all the hype about our technological achievements as "miracles of modern medicine," several underlying philosophical questions must be answered to satisfy even the most medically unsophisticated among us. Here are but a few such questions. Why are we sicker as a people than most developed countries in the world? Why have we become sicker in the last 25 years, especially with such advances in medical technology? Who got all that money anyway? Is more money really a solution? Can the government actually provide better health care for all of us? Is there anything that I can do to keep me and my family healthy?

These questions demand answers, and we deserve to know who's responsible for the condition we find ourselves in. While it is true that the medical "industry" (doctors, hospitals, laboratories, equipment suppliers, etc.) and the insurance companies have made a killing (so to speak) off our infirmities, they are not the primary cause of our maladies. And, while more people in this country earn their living off cancer than actually have the disease, they are not the culprits. No, my friend; We are the culprits. We caused the problem. We feed the parasites. But, we can turn the tide and achieve true health in a relatively short time - and it won't cost a penny.

Where did we go wrong? We bought into that part of the American dream that promises a life of hedonistic pleasure, comfort and leisure without any consequences. But the dream has become a nightmare. Our appetites are totally out of control (in more ways than one). We want our high fat/sugar/protein food fast - and we don't really care what else they throw in it as long as the taste and quantity are satisfying. For some of us, the only part of our anatomy that gets regular exercise is our fingers from surfing the internet or working the TV remote control. Many of us, convinced of the dangers of atmospheric ozone depletion, never expose ourselves to the sun; preferring instead the indoor life. We live in sealed houses, cars and office buildings to keep the stale, germ-laden air at a comfortable temperature. The polluted air of the cities where some of us live is even worse. Our water supplies are becoming polluted, and to make matters worse, we add poisons such as chlorine and fluoride for our "health." Perhaps the taste of this water helps explain the large fraction of our populace that never touch the stuff - preferring to consume coffee, tea, milk, soda pop, etc. to the exclusion of pure water. And then there are still some of us that like to consume alcohol and tobacco, knowing full well the dangers involved. Of course, all our material niceties cost money - so we have to labor incessantly, maintaining a high-stress lifestyle and omitting hours of necessary rest each night. We haven't yet touched on the decline in morality in America over the last 30 years - it doesn't need explanation - everybody knows it. But a guilty conscience begets depression and leads to ill health; and AIDS would not be the epidemic it is without the immoral lifestyles that perpetuate it.

Perhaps worse than this health destroying lifestyle philosophy that we've grown accustomed to are several other philosophical lies that we've also bought into. Such as: (1) I am not responsible for my health - I just "caught" the disease; (2) For every malady there exists a drug cure (although it may not have been "discovered" yet); and (3) A disease is "cured" by eliminating its symptoms. Maybe we haven't thought about them in such basic terms before, but these philosophies lie at the root of our concept of "health" care. They are at once both the cause of our poor health and the foundation of the American "health" care industry.

As a people, we no longer take responsibility for our own health; preferring to put it off on our doctor, the insurance company or that ultimate benefactor, the government. All this comes at a price, of course. But it is well worth it because they agree that we can live our lives as we please (pretty much) and if we "catch" a disease, it is not our fault. Besides, it is considered "normal" for women of a certain age to get breast cancer; and men of another age, prostate cancer. No! It may be average, but it's not normal! It is a symptom of a society with a health degenerative lifestyle, but it is not "normal" in the sense of inevitability as most of our "health" care providers would have us believe. The medical journals are replete with studies that testify to the fact that most of the diseases we Americans develop are a direct result of the poor lifestyle choices we make. Some hereditary propensities play a role, to be sure; but by and large, if we get sick, it's our fault. Whether it's heart disease, cancer, diabetes or AIDS, generally we do it to ourselves. And why? Because we like our lifestyles just the way they are, thank you very much, and we don't intend to change them. Why, to do that would be to admit that we are actually wrong; and we're much too proud for that! Others of us recognize the unhealthfulness of certain of our choices, but either convince ourselves that they're not really that bad, or procrastinate about reforming them.

. . . Thus, by attacking the symptoms rather than the cause of the disease, we hurt rather than help in our recovery.
In general, we "cause" diseases by lifestyles that inhibit our immune system's ability to ward off the ravages of disease. In fact, when the symptoms of a disease appear, it is a sign that the immune system has begun to battle the invader. Fevers, swelling, sneezing, coughing, diarrhea, etc. are all part of the body's arsenal of defenses against disease. A feverish state causes the production rate of both red and white blood cells to triple, providing increased oxygen and lymphocytes - the two primary defenses against "foreign" invaders in the body. Histamines are the primary attractors of lymphocytes (white blood cells) to areas of tissue injury. Mucus and diarrhea eliminations are efficient means of quickly removing toxins from the body. When we take medications to suppress these symptoms, we are actually weakening our body's ability to fight the true enemy, and thus the condition may in time worsen to the point where more drastic therapies such as antibiotics, surgery, etc. are indicated. Thus, by attacking the symptoms rather than the cause of the disease, we hurt rather than help in our recovery.

Cancer is generally thought to be a most mysterious and elusive disease, and the quest for a drug cure to eliminate this "foreign" invader marches on. But, the truth is that cancer is not a foreign invader - it is 100 % produced within the body, and is a part of it. Cancer cells are merely mutations of normal bodily tissue cells which have not properly divided. They are produced in every body - even the healthiest ones, but are normally mopped up by the immune system and eliminated through the lymphatic system.

Therefore, the only way to be overcome by cancer cells is to so suppress the immune system that it cannot perform its mopping up function. This is the reason that chemotherapy is absolutely the worst thing possible for cancer patients, since it disables the already weak immune system even further. It is interesting to note that the only control group study ever done on chemotherapy was when a placebo was inadvertently given to cancer patients instead of the prescribed chemotherapy. The result was a significant improvement in the recovery rate over that normally achieved by chemo patients. Since only the immune system can both prevent and cure cancer, it stands to reason that lifestyle changes which strengthen the immune system are the best insurance against cancer.
. . . . chemotherapy is absolutely the worst thing possible for cancer patients!!!

BLESSINGS AND CURSES

2008-09-16T14:49:00.004-04:00

There are three deadly curses that are guaranteed to kill any relationship.

It doesn't matter what type of relationship or how long it has been in effect. It could be a working relationship with your boss or an employee, or perhaps with your partner or your secretary, or maybe it is a relationship with a very good friend or a relative. Closer to home and even more personal, perhaps it is with a son or a daughter, or just perhaps your husband or wife.

No matter what type of relationship, these three deadly curses are so destructive that when they are brought into the game, each one by itself, given enough time, will play havoc, causing unbelievable discord. Invariably, when all three are used together, which is usually the case, it is a clear indication that the relationship is in terrible danger.

The three deadly curses are especially effective when brought into play during matrimony. There is no marriage that can endure for long when assaulted on an ongoing basis by what some consider harmless banter, or, ”Just kidding”. In the beginning what at first seemed innocent invariably becomes a full blown attack, pernicious in its vehemence and purpose.

What are these three deadly curses? Do they work every time? Are they really as destructive as I claim? And if they are really this deadly, is there no hope?

To answer the last question first the answer is ‘Yes’, unequivocally and absolutely there is hope, which I will approach in a moment. And yes, they do work every time if those involved don’t recognize what is happening and they fail to seek the necessary help.

Concerning your question “What are these three deadly curses?” They are Complaining! Criticizing! and Condemning!

Like all insidious little demons, once given residence they do not rest, they are relentless and absolutely tireless in their purpose and intent.

These three deadly curses will tear the heart out of any relationship, and that is guaranteed! They are so affective that without help to combat them they work 100% of the time. If you doubt this please consider the incredible divorce rate as a prime example.

Complaining, Criticizing and Condemning, are guaranteed effective in destroying whatever they touch. Bring these three big guns into play and there is no marriage that can withstand the barrage. Eventually it (the marriage) will fail due to the fact that these three curses destroy respect and no relationship can endure without that most valuable commodity.

Oh, I am sorry, I said that I guaranteed the effectiveness of the three deadly curses. Well, that is not true, it is not me, I am only an observer and a one time participant in the game, after all, how else could I know how effective they are? No, I am not the guarantor, the devil is, and he knows very well their destructive power. After all, he invented them and he has been using them to good effect for an awful long time.

But, and I believe that this should give us hope, there are three blessings which if used on a regular basis can displace the three deadly curses. They are as follows:

#1, is Praise. Praise, when used in the place of criticism builds respect.

#2, is Please. Please the other person and soon that person will be your friend.

And #3 is Prove. Prove that you care.

Especially when used in a marriage these three, Praising, Pleasing and Proving, if used consistently and with absolute sincerity, will displace the three deadly curses and in their place will grow a miracle called LOVE. God guarentees it!

THE REST OF THE CONTROL ISSUE

2008-09-11T22:46:00.003-04:00

Chuck Jr. was up on the garage roof about to push a cardboard box off on its final trip to the ground. At my shouted "STOP!" My seven year old looked at me with a big smile and exclaimed, "Look daddy, we made an airplane!" And as he said this he pushed the box a little closer to the edge of the roof.

"Chuck, stop pushing the box!"

He obeyed.

I have learned and I will bet that you will agree, that many caregivers have surrendered control over their lives and the caregiver eventually resents this fact.

A friend has shared with me his frustrations with caring for his elderly parents. The years pass and it is evident that he has very little freedom any longer.

Another friend is caring for his wife who suffers from dementia. This has been an ongoing challenge, 24/7 for nearly ten years with no respite, but do you know what? In both of these cases the caregivers are the epitome of grace, and the love they lavish on their cherished ones is astounding.

My Nancy is so sweet for which I am especially thankful but due to the dementia from Alzheimer's and M.S. she is becoming more debilitated as time passes so how do I act and react?

Children do after all frustrate us because, well, they act like children and at time we must act with decisiveness and authority, with "control."

(It was a very good thing that my son Chuck stopped pushing the box off the roof due to the fact that his younger brother, Teddy, was in the cardboard airplane box and it is questionable whether Ted would have survived the plunge to the cement drive without sustaining some slight damage to his fuselage.)

O.K., so when am I going to get around to the control issue?

I must have discovered some magic bullet, something that is going to strengthen us and enable us to be perfect caregivers, something easy.

Nope, I never said it was easy. All I said was, "I will tell you where I found the solution" and even that is not completely true because I am still finding it, (the solution,) on a daily basis.

Let me ask you, do you know anyone that doesn't like to be treated with love? No, I didn't think so. O.K., how about joy? Do you know anyone that doesn't enjoy a genuinely happy person? And we have all said, "Please, just give me some peace!" and how many of us have prayed for patience? Or how about kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control?

This then is a portrait of the perfect caregiver. All of those character traits, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control.

By now I am sure some of you have recognized the "fruit of the spirit" spoken of in Galatians 5:22.

Yep, that’s it.

As I strive towards the ideal, towards a Christ-like character, the need for control falls away. I may fall flat on my face now and again but the control issue becomes less and less an issue and I love and cherish my wife more and more.

Hey, don't push the box off the roof!

THE CONTROL ISSUE

2008-09-06T08:04:00.003-04:00

As I approached the door to the lion's cage I must admit to some slight misgivings. Hey, lions kill and eat their prey. The lion's prey is made of meat, blood and bones. What am I made of?

And yet there I was, alone, no one else around, about to enter a cage with an African lion that could very well ruin a little more than just my day.

I was alone because I didn't want any witnesses or anybody trying to talk me out of my predetermined course of action.

Yes, I had made up my mind.

There is something intimidating about the intense gaze of a large predator. Yes, there is something that says in no uncertain terms, "Where I walk, I am in control!"

We have all heard of the old saying, "Fools walk where angels fear to trod," and that other one, "The good Lord takes care of old men, children and fools!" Well, most of my life I have fallen into at least two of those categories and the word "fool" features prominently in both.

In my right hand I carried a light rattan chair and in my left I held a walking stick.

Those simple accoutrements might seem somewhat inadequate at first glance but, or so I had observed, they were the tools of the lion trainer.

The lioness retreated to the farthest corner of the cage as I inserted the key into the lock and it seemed that her eyes flared a yellow, hungry light.

The Masai of Africa refer to the lion as "Simba Kali," or, "the savage lion." They also claim that as he roars he is saying, "Nchi ya nani? Nchi ya nani? Yangu, Yangu, Yangu! Which translates, "Whose land is this? Whose land is this? Mine, mine, mine!"

And there I was about to step into his land, into that lion's cage!

Obviously, since I am sitting here comfortably tapping away at the keyboard writing this narrative I survived the encounter.

Care giving, just as in lion training, has its share of risks, its dangers, and as much as I hate to say it, the reality, the truth of the matter is that, again, just like in lion training, care giving, approached carelessly, can kill you.

Some people gravitate, almost irresistibly, toward danger. There are those individuals who climb sheer rock cliffs without rope or any safety equipment. They hang by their fingertips knowing full well that the slightest mistake, the least mishap, the tiniest slip, can and will send them plummeting through space to end up crushed and broken and very dead, on the unforgiving rocks far below.

There is an undeniable high to be realized when facing great danger. The problem lies in the fact that the seeker is never satisfied, there must always be a higher mountain, a more difficult trail, another lion.

Many years ago I noticed a young man who began showing up on a daily basis to watch me work the big cats.

I noticed that as he watched me he was taking a lot of notes in a journal that he constantly carried.

One day I asked him what he was doing, was he "studying the big cats?" And I was somewhat surprised at his answer, "No sir, fascinating as the big cats are I am a psyche major and I am writing my thesis on the death wish syndrome and you are my subject case study."

"Hey, I am sorry but I don't have a death wish!"

"Oh yeah, than why do you always place yourself at risk? Why do you always place yourself in harms way?"

I was eventually weaned from the need of a perpetual high, (for the most part) but I still find myself drawn toward danger. (I cannot resist that ultimate high as I follow a bear through its habitat in a dense Florida swamp.)

Why do I continually do this? Why has my life been fraught with danger? Well, I think that perhaps it has something to do with control. If I make the slightest mistake I fall. If I lose control the lion will devour me so I don't want to lose control.

I have arrived at the conclusion that this is what kills caregivers. They no longer have control and this wears them down, breaks them and renders them helpless.

The care giver, more than the lion trainer, more than the mountain climber, more than the practitioner of any extreme sport must find a solution to this control issue.

You might be surprised to learn the solution that I have discovered.

Until next time,

Charles

WHY SURE, I CAN FIX THAT!

2008-09-01T13:01:00.002-04:00

We caregivers become accustomed to taking our loved ones to the Doctor's office. From my own experience as listed below I must admit to having become just a tad calloused.

Perhaps I should call this, "A VISIT TO THE WITCH DOCTOR!"

The doctor informs me in a serious, no nonsense tone of voice, "Well now, the first thing we are going to want to do here is get some blood work done."

Ten days later the receptionist calls to tell me that the results of my blood work has come in and the doctor wants to see me.

I am ushered in to one of the dozen, now familiar waiting rooms and the nurse checks my weight, my blood pressure, my oxygen level and my temperature and informs me that the doctor will see me shortly.

Fifteen minutes later the doctor rushes in and glances at me, shakes my hand and turns to my two inch thick file.

"Well now, let's see what we have here." Oh yes, you have an elevated cholesterol level, but I can fix that, and your PSA level is out of normal range so I want you to see a urologist just to be safe." At the end of my allotted fifteen minutes I leave the office with three prescriptions, each written with the promise that it would "fix that".

Perhaps it's just me but it seems this arbiter of "fix it" spent more time scribbling illegible scrawls on the prescription pad than he spent talking to me and then I was out the door as he repeated this mini drama eighty or more times before he stumbles home to go to bed dreaming of all the people he has "fixed, or treated" that day, or not.

To be "fixed" can have several connotations, most of which leave something to be desired.
If my cat were to understand my meaning and purpose when I tell him I am going to have him "fixed" he would have good reason to vacate the premises with great diligence and haste, and when I take my car to a mechanic and he tells me that the thermilator has congested the frambulator and the scandigamom is ready to explode I take his word for it when he assures me that he can, "fix that."

The modern practice of medicine it seems is based upon the "fix principle." The difficulty we face here is the confusing multitude of meanings in which this seemingly innocuous word is used.
I go to my arbiter of diverse meanings, Roget's Thesaurus, and suddenly I don't know if I want to be "fixed." "Fix" can mean anything from a drug dose to a bribe, defeat, castration, to kill, puncture, punish, ruin, and touch up.

"Touch up" implies a temporary fix, a band aid, and to be honest with you it comes closer to what is practiced in modern medicine than anything I have seen so far.

These "practicioners" of modern medicine are not taught to be "healers," no; they are trained and well paid arbiters of the principle of the status quo.

In their defense on one hand the doctor is not to be blamed because from the very beginning of his education to practice medicine he has been fed and nurtured at the engorged pharmaceutical tit. The drug companies have after all, "proved" that they have the "cure," the, "fix."

The problem with this scenario is that the pharmaceutical companies have invested ten or fifteen years and countless millions of dollars in R&D to come up with a drug, not to cure the disease, but to primarily treat the symptoms of that particular disease.

Hey, this is just good business and it is based on the same principle that the automobile industry builds cars, not to last a lifetime but to deteriorate so they have to be replaced.

"Keep your patients hooked on a drug, dependent upon your little scraps of paper, your "knowledge," not to heal him but to keep him returning month after month, year after year, ad
nauseum and forever, until he finally croaks. But not to worry, there are a lot more gullible fools out there that want to hear those words of hope and promise, "Sure, I can fix that!"

THE "CHIRPING NOISE!"

2008-08-28T00:17:00.003-04:00

"Charles?"

"Unh."

"Charles?"

"Yah."

"CHARLES."

"Yes."

"CHARLES!"

"Yes Nanny, what?"

"Do you hear that noise?"

"What noise?"

"That noise!"

"What noise?"

"That chirping noise!"

(I am silent as I listen for "the chirping noise" that has been keeping my sweet, darling wife awake so that she could wake me from a sound sleep so that I could enjoy "the chirping noise" with her.)

She thinks that I have gone back to sleep.

I wish that I could go back to sleep but no such luck.

"Charles?"

"YES!"

"Do you hear the chirping noise?"

"Not yet."

"YOU HAVE TO HEAR THE CHIRPING NOISE!!"

(This from a woman who would not hear Genghis Kahn and his hordes if they were to race through the living room on horseback!")

And yes, you might notice a tad, just a tad mind you, of sarcasm there.

I lean toward the floor fan and listen intently. Eureka! I hear a faint noise that just might be described as a "chirping noise". In fact, to be honest with you it does sound just like a "chirping noise."

Yes, the "chirping noise" is coming from the fan.

I reach out and smack the offending fan.

"Why did you hit the fan Charles?"

"The "chirping noise" is coming from the fan."

"Will hitting it help?"

"At this point it can't hurt."

"Oh."

I get out of bed. I would like to not only hit the fan but I would like to smite it mightily. I pick up the fan and set it down a little more firmly than intended. The fan takes the hint and stops chirping.

I crawl back into bed and lay there listening into the darkness.

I am wide awake. I expect my dear, sweet Nancy to say something, ANYTHING. No such luck.

She is sleeping, snoring lightly. I lay there listening to her snoring. I have this sick thought, "I wonder if she would stop snoring if I gave her a good smack on the bottom. That thought causes me to laugh. Nancy wakes up. She asks, "What are you laughing about?"

"Just that confounded chirping noise, it's keeping me awake!"

She lays there listening into the darkness, straining to hear the phantom chirping noise. Yes, you are right; I am not a very nice person.

I lay there smiling in silence. I am still smiling as I close my eyes in peaceful sleep.

ON VOLUNTEERING

2008-08-21T20:02:00.002-04:00

The third grade teacher, Mrs. Rumble was her name, would ask for a volunteer to clean the blackboard and the erasers. Invariably there would be some dumb, attention starved twit who would wildly raise his hand and squeal excitedly in this real goofy voice, "Me, Me! Let me do it teacher, puhleez, huh, huh, can I do it, can I, huh, can I, huh, Puhleez!?" And before long I would be up there covered in chalk dust.

Volunteers are really wonderful people. They usually are there to do things that nobody in their right mind would want to do.

That brings to mind the army, yes, the army and basic training. Basic training in case you don't know is where you go to get basically trained thus it is called, "basic training."

Back in the fifties, camp Chaffee, Arkansas, basic training.

For some terrible infraction against man and nature, (I believe somebody might have drooled in his sleep) the entire company was punished. This punishment of the entire company was referred to by the highly technical term as, of all things, "company punishment."

Some of us were given the job of peeling potatoes while other poor broken souls policed the grounds, an area roughly the size of the Sahara desert, picking up cigarette butts, while yet others, paint buckets in hand, painted the rocks that lined the roads white; once again. This painting of the rocks white was a very important military field maneuver called, "Painting the rocks white." (The reason for this was a top military secret but the one thing we were told was that it would contribute to some war effort.)

At this time peeling potatoes was about the easiest job because it was all done by machine. You would take a big bag of spuds and dump them into this big hopper, close the big lid, push a big button and the machine would start to spin.

The interior surface of the hopper was lined with an abrasive so it just sanded the peelings away. The only danger one might accrue while peeling potatoes" which was referred to in military jargon as, "peeling potatoes" was that if you left the spuds in too long they would simply vanish, turned into potato dust and washed down the drain resulting in the operator being called a lovely assortment of very technical army terminology by the cook not the worst of which was,
"Stupid, idiotic, @#$%^& blingdasted, *&^%$#@ worthless, #@^%$*&, twittensnaffle, no good, #@^%*&% furleyblurb, moronic, naffingribble!"

I arrived, after much personal observation, at the conclusion that army cooks go to a special school for an extensive period of time to be able to refine and polish their repertoire of very intimidating and technical army names.

Then there were a lucky few, myself included; that had the great honor of digging holes. The holes were six feet deep and six feet long and three feet wide. (You will notice a slight similarity between the holes that we dug and the dimensions of a grave.) The officer of the day would come strolling by, fastidiously measure the hole, give his approval, throw a cigarette butt into the hole and then order us to fill in said hole. This was called "burying the butt!" This was also called, "volunteering."

Since then I have tried not to volunteer for anything but perhaps you have noticed, care givers volunteer a lot.

A care giver can go from a somewhat normal life to being chief, cook and bottle washer almost overnight.

You may not know how to dress yourself and suddenly you are dressing somebody else. You are not a nurse but you find yourself giving nursing care.

And cooking, let's not forget cooking. Suddenly you are expected to prepare nourishing, balanced, gourmet meals for somebody who just might take one look at what you have carefully prepared and eat it, throw it into your face or dump it onto the floor.

Care giving demands that you are an individual that gives care, (hence the name dummy!) Consequently you volunteer a lot.

Now I do not recommend volunteering for anything but, just in case you are a glutton for punishment and you yearn for attention you can help a care giver. I am sure the care giver will appreciate any help you can give. In fact I can assure you that it is highly unlikely that you will ever be called, in army parlance, a, "Stupid, idiotic, @#$%^& blingdasted, *&^%$#@ worthless, #@^%$*&, twittensnaffle, no good, #@^%*&% furleyblurb, moronic, naffingribble!"

IN RESPONSE TO "SHADOWLANDS"

2008-08-17T15:32:00.002-04:00

This letter was a comment that I received in response to the SHADOWLANDS post. This is real life and it reflects what is happening in untold thousands of homes today in this country of ours.

Dear Chuck.
"Shadowlands and back" is nother fine article, however sad. This again tells me there are a lot attitudes, people torn in different directions by this dreadful disease, Alzheimer's.

My case is almost the opposite of yours. For example when, I ask my wife to "please take your pills" I get told "you take them they are yours!" or she throws them in the glass of water where they start dissolving and are ruined, or in other cases she throws them on the floor.

The same with food, I can say, "I fixed you a nice breakfast honey, here try to eat some, and she says, "I don't want it.?" She practically hates everything I make, looking for any fault she can find? It's too hot! It's too cold! Some spices she calls dirt? Or she won't eat it at all.

After reading your article, sad as it is, and very heartbreaking, at least you seem to get some response on taste, smell, or love. Hell will freeze over before she lets me help her, even when her shoes are on the wrong feet, or her slacks are on backwards.

How I wish she would say something about love, or how much I do for her, or, "I love you honey, (it never happens?)

Just this week she kicked me in the groin, and exclaimed, I hope you die? I hate you?

I have done all I can for my wife and all I get is hate in return? Now, I realize that it is the disease doing the talking but it still hurts so very much, damn it.

This is why I will have to commit her very shortly into a nursing home? I feel she would be better off in the long run and I don't know what else I can do?

If there is anything I have learned it is that there are all sorts of moods with this disease? No two cases are alike. You are so fortunate to get a "thank you" once in a while, my friend.

Please keep up the good work.

P.S. I had my C-scan of my lungs done this Morning to see if the cyst on my lung is growing, I will keep you posted.

Peace and Love
Ron

This is a letter that many caregivers desperately feel like writing. They are at their wits end, absolutely desperate but they don't know what to do.
Ron is finally at the point where he realizes the thing to do is have his wife taken care of by professionals.

So many of us feel that this is abandonment but it is not, it is the best way we can show our love for that special one that who has held our heart for so very long.

As Ron mentions his c-scan he is evidencing the results of continuous stress, of years of demanding; unrelenting care placed upon him, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

I applaud that individual who is decisive about giving their loved one the care that they need by placing them in a professional facility.

Sure, we realize that our loved one is ill, that they are in another place but to be rebuked endlessly, to look into our loved one's eyes and see a hostile stranger looking back at us is a test that most can only endure for a short time.

When it is time, and only you can make that decision, may God give you the strength and the willpower to move in the direction that will be best for both of you.

Charles

GOOD GRIEF!

2008-08-13T13:41:00.002-04:00

One of the most difficult problems with this thing called, "care giving" is that it can be a constant, ongoing grieving process.

With the death of a loved one there is always the grieving process that must be traversed. Grieving is a natural, even healthy process but there have been cases where grieving has resulted in the death of the one left behind.

As often as not these cases involve the elderly, one dies and the other, left behind, in a short time fails and goes to sleep.

We look upon those cases as examples of deep, even profound love.

The health of the caregiver on the other hand fails so often before that of his charge, before he has finished the course.

The demands placed upon the caregiver are daunting, almost unbelievably so, therefore the caregiver's health is put at terrible risk as he becomes totally depleted from the constant demands placed upon him emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

We are told that as we experience trauma such as the death of a loved one or divorce that we should avoid making important decisions for a minimum of one year. Obviously the reasoning behind this train of thought is that as we grieve we are not rational beings therefore we at times make irrational decisions.

As a fine example of irrational decision making, after my first wife was taken from us by an idiotic drunk driver I made some dreadful mistakes the worst of which was remarrying too soon for all the wrong reasons. (Darned libido will do it every time!) Sickness attracts sickness is a fact not just a cute saying.

I married a woman with three children. I had four children. Do the math, three + four = disaster.

Listening to her you would have gotten the idea that those three sweet little darlings of hers could do no wrong while my four were demons from hell. (Well, they were after all, my demons.)

The marriage, a marriage that should never have taken place, failed miserably placing my children at terrible risk. Such is an example of the mistakes people can make when going through the grieving process.

Caregivers can grieve themselves into an early grave due to the fact that care giving demands so much.
I have walked this path long enough to know that to do so alone can be a slow death as the caregiver's health begins to fail, and what then? (From a family with no history of heart disease I ended up with three heart attacks which the doctors attributed to the stress caused by unremitting care giving.) "Who is going to care for your loved one if you are laid up with a stroke or a heart attack, or worse?" The doctors, hers and mine have asked.

Oh it will be nice to know that all of those nice people, as they shuffle past your casket are saying things such as, "Oh, wasn't he noble? He took such good care of her when he was alive but who is going to care for her now?"

At this point, if family has not stepped up to the plate it is highly unlikely they ever will.

All too often, family members who have pledged their support, vanish, along with their promises. And it isn't because they don't care, no, that isn't it at all; they just don't know what to do so they opt to do little or nothing.

So what happens now?

Have you ever heard the term, "ward of the state"?

Oh don't worry, your sweetheart won't be put out onto the street but it is highly likely that he or she will be placed in a facility with little or no thought to what you would have considered as appropriate.

"So," you might ask, "What's your point?"

It is simply this, if you don't take care of yourself, and what that means, selfish as it might sound, is placing your own welfare first at this point, nobody is likely to care for your loved one as much as you do.

Care giving can and will suck you dry, gnaw on your bones and spit you out like some ravenous beast so start today to take care of yourself.

Unlike so many cases in which the cared for is meaner than a rabid snake with a tooth ach and hemorrhoids, my dear Nancy is so sweet. She is not demanding, she is gracious almost to a fault and yet I am worn down almost to a nubbin so I can imagine what some of you are going through.

Get help, ask your church, friends, family, whoever and whatever, to get the assistance you need. By all means join a support group and take care of yourself my friend; God is not through with us yet. Live long and prosper.

Charles

SHADOWLAND AND BACK

2008-08-10T15:33:00.002-04:00

"I just took my pills!" As Nancy says this she has that same sweet smile that has won my heart so many times before, and then she asks, "What should I do now?"

"Eat your breakfast honey, I fixed the oatmeal just the way you like it, with raisins cooked in it."
With that same smile she replies, "Oh, good, I'm going to eat my breakfast now."

I ask her, "Nanny, have you smelled the tea yet? It smells real nice."

"Yes, I like the orange juice."

"Smell the tea sweetheart; I think you'll like it. Can you tell me what it smells like?"

When I ask her this I pick my cup up and roll my eyes as I smell my tea. She does the same.

"Yes, oh, it smells good."

"What does it smell like Nanny?"

"Yes, it smells nice. I don't know what it smells like?"

"Does it smell of peaches?"

She picks the cup up again and smells it; then she sips the tea. "It tastes good!" Then she smiles as she says, "It tastes like peaches!"

Earlier she was having difficulty with her robe so I closed it and tied the belt. Then I held her, kissed the top of her head. She rubbed her cheek against my arm and almost purred as she said, "I love you Charles, you really do love me don't you?"

God, how I love her! How I love my Nancy, my sweet, ditzy, frustrating, child woman, my so ill, so very sick Nanny.

There are those times, those increasingly infrequent, fleeting moments, glimpses if you will, of my old Nan.

She will show up at the most unexpected times, say as we are driving down the road when she will look at me and comment on something a friend had said hours or days earlier. As she says this there is that old familiar twinkle in her eyes, but then, as quick as it came the moment is gone and as I try to pursue the thought she sits staring out the window.

Where does she go at those times? Where is she wandering? Is she in darkness, a cloudy non-land, a confusion of non-scapes, of nonsense, of a surreal conglomeration and overlapping of past and present?

What sort of prison holds her mind?

What sort of place is this bedlam that allows her to escape though fleeting those moments might be? Yes she escapes, runs to me and just as rapidly is snatched away, back to… to where?

I like to imagine that God is holding her safe at such times. That perhaps angels are close by, singing to her. If that is the case it can't be all that bad can it?

Just now she comes to me and stands, an expression of confusion, a half smile on her pretty face. "What's the matter honey?" I ask.

She shakes her head as she exclaims, "I need help!"

"What do you need help with baby?"

"I need help. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know what to do next. What is happening to me?"

So this then is a brief journey into the shadow land where my Nancy spends so much of her time, the shadow land of Alzheimer's.

HOW IMPORTANT LOVE IS

2008-08-08T22:48:00.001-04:00

The other day Nanny and I were going someplace and she was shuffling along, holding onto my arm when suddenly she smiled at me and said, "I'm sorry for being such a pain honey" And then with a little laugh she said, "MY HEAD IS TALKING BUT MY FEET AREN'T LISTENING!"

"I love you Charles." There was a pause as she looked at me before saying, "Do you know what honey?" "No, what baby?" I asked. She smiled that beautiful smile before continuing: "You are going to be extra specially blessed in heaven for being so good to me!"

That bit of conversation took place one evening and it got me thinking just how very fortunate I am. I had to thank God for my gracious wife, this woman that has a witches brew of illness. Multiple Sclerosis is bad enough and now Alzheimer's disease is ravaging her.

I have to thank God for her sweet personality, for that lovely smile, for her abundant joy, for her innocence, her undemanding spirit, for the fact that in spite of me she loves me.

This week I took Nanny in for an M.R.I. The Dr. called me and told me that there was pronounced advancement. He told me also that she needs 24/7 care. And then he said, "You do know that your wife is not going to get any better don't you Mr. Towne? In fact from here on you can expect a steady decline in her prognosis."

What must it be like to walk the path of Alzheimer's disease? The disorientation creates a confusing mish mash of feelings, fears and emotions that must be hell to deal with. Imagine for a moment what it must be like. You start to do something, say you are standing at the sink. You have a toothbrush in your hand but then you forget what you were going to do with it.

Or you are thirsty so you decide to take a drink from the water bottle but you get sidetracked and the water bottle spills its contents into your lap and you don't understand what or why it happened.

You are no longer able to read your body but you know when you have had an accident. The humiliation, the embarrassment that you feel lends to your confusion. What is happening to you?

At such a point what does the care giver do?

When I tell Nancy how much I love her she beams. Those words, "I love you" have almost a magical response. It is a fact that something mysterious happens in the human mind when we know we are loved.

Any person walking the confusing path of Alzheimer's disease needs to know that they are loved. The emotional turmoil resulting from this disease must be a nightmare but if the victim is assured that he or she is loved by family and friends the results can be profound.

God please help me to show Nancy love, not impatience.
Help me to show her kindness, not anger.
Help me to show her mercy, not frustration,
Help me to give her tenderness, not roughness,
Help me to give her a smile, not a frown,
Help me to give her warmth not cold,
Help me to give her an embrace not rejection,
God, help me to be Christ-like for my Nanny
That she may know that she is loved.

GUILT? WHY?

2008-08-01T18:54:00.002-04:00

For crying out loud, here I am in a situation that isn't going to improve, caring for an individual who is no longer thinking rationally, expected to be there 24/7, wiping up, cleaning up, picking up, sweeping up, mopping up, lifting up, helping up until I am ready to either blow up or throw up, and I feel guilty!

Sorry folks but there is something seriously wrong with this picture!

Why would a caregiver who has given all be almost consumed with feelings of guilt?

Guilt is probably the most common and invasive and pervasive of all emotions to caregivers.

Many years ago I was a lifeguard for a short period of time until I encountered an incident wherein I almost drowned helping someone else. Thank God another life guard rescued us before the big gulp. Through that experience I learned a most valuable lesson; it takes a strong swimmer, stronger than I was, to save a drowning person.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I had a few saves to my credit, but then that near fatal day came when I almost bought the farm and it could have resulted in two people drowning instead of one.

Care giving is just like that. High blood pressure, heart attack, the stress can and will kill you if you try to carry the load alone.

At times we are forced to recognize our limitations, not only as swimming lifeguards but as care giving lifeguards. There have been times that I felt like I was trying to save Nancy while swimming in ten feet of water with a twenty pound weight tied to each ankle. I'm sorry folks; it just ain't going to happen.

If we insist, out of whatever driving force, be it a sense of nobility, a mistaken sense of faithfulness, a warped sense of love, whatever that force, if we end up sick or worse, what have we accomplished?

Guilt in this situation is a killer for not only the caregiver but to the one we are caring for so the thing that needs to be done is find the "guilt" triggers and treat them.

Boy, my number one guilt trigger is anger! I can not be all things for Nancy and yet I am expected to be all things for Nancy so there have been those times…! I am supposed to be her helpmate but does that mean that I am no longer a person, an individual? Does that mean I have lost my identity?

That sort of possessiveness can and will nurture anger and the anger will grow until…?

What is the "perfect" caregiver? Well, a caregiver is trustworthy! O.K. what else? Well a caregiver is loyal and helpful as well as friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.

Oh come on, that isn't a care giver, that's a boy scout!

Well then, what is a perfect caregiver?

A perfect caregiver is a community of family, friends, and church. In other words an individual, trying to carry the weight alone will, of a certainty suffer the consequences.

Do you want to eliminate guilt from your care giving life? Then resort to what has worked for me. (1) Lean on the Lord your God. (2) Join a support group. Real soon you will realize that you are not alone. (3) And then there is the support of family and friends. Nancy's family has basically abandoned her but our friends are such an incredible blessing.

By all means, don't get the idea that you are walking this path alone.

With Christian love,

Charles

ABSENCE MIGHT??? MAKE THE HEART GROW FONDER!

2008-07-29T14:17:00.004-04:00

A friend of mine is in about the same spot I am right now concerning placing his wife in an Alzheimer's unit.

Over the last several years his darling of 40 + years has become a different person, almost unrecognizable from her former self.

He is no longer her sweetheart, now he is cruel and she hates him. She accuses him of cheating on him, of spending their savings, of trying to kill her. Sometimes she calls him "Carl," not his real name. She also calls him "Bastard" and several other "not so cute names" that I dare not put down here. (This all from a delicate lady that wouldn't say doodoo if she had a mouthful before she became ill.) "Oh yes, and Bastard is also not his real name.

She has attacked him several times and wishes him dead.

Yes, he is finally ready, DESPERATELY ready to place his darling where she can receive the care she needs.

He is also having second thoughts.

Why would he have second thoughts you might well wonder?

Well, each of the nursing homes with Alzheimer's units told him that he would not be able to visit his wife for a thirty day time period.

They have never been separated in all the years they have been married.

Why would they do this to them now when she needs him the most?

It at first seems cruel (that's what I thought too until it struck me as I looked at it objectively) this thirty day "vacation" is really very wise and practical.

That thirty days allows her to make the transition with much less trauma than otherwise and it gives the caregiver time to gain perspective, to gather himself and when again they visit, who knows? It certainly can't be any worse!

We as caregivers must remember that the person that we married, though to be occasionally glimpsed, is in reality gone, and the sooner we accept that cold fact the better we will be.

Hang nobility at this point. Practicality tells us that if we are dead from the stress and demands of care giving that doesn't help our loved one and if you are taking a dirt nap it sure as hell doesn't help you or her.

Yes, look on it as a vacation. Read some books, visit some old friends; make some new ones. Join a support group, write your memoirs.

Sound a bit callous? It is, but we can go on, we must go on and remember, the sun is still shining!

He says: "I will never leave you nor forsake you…" And, "Lean on me all ye that labor and are heavy laden …" And remember, tears at this point are most appropriate. "Jesus wept."
In Christian love,
Charles

THE "HESITANT MAN"

2008-07-27T13:38:00.007-04:00

It has been some time ago, before Nanny became so fragile, that she and I were sitting in a small city park in Sarasota Florida. We were enjoying the cool ocean breeze and the sunshine that filtered through the palms.

Not far away a small playground was being attacked by a giggle of children and their happy laughter and shouts of joy added to the pleasant surroundings.

We had only been there for a few minutes when my attention was attracted to a man as he approached a crosswalk that lead to the park on the quiet street.

The street was little used, not a car in sight, but the man, thirtyish, had an air of uncertainty about him as he stepped off the sidewalk into the crosswalk. He stopped and then turned and stepped back onto the sidewalk.

I glanced down the street. A car, perhaps three blocks distant and traveling slowly in that quiet neighborhood drew near.

The hesitant man watched the car as it drew near and he continued to watch it as it passed and receded into the distance.

Again he stepped off the curb, took two or three hesitant steps and fled back to the safety of the sidewalk. There wasn't a car in sight.

This scenario played itself out several times before, in a flurry of movement, he bolted across the street where, upon reaching his destination he turned and looked back at the empty street and so help me, I thought for a moment there that he was going to retrace his steps and return to the other side.

At first this drama struck me as humorous but as I watched the man, the one that I came to think of as, the "Hesitant Man," he struck me as somewhat sad.

He finally turned and began slowly walking toward the park.

The park is surrounded by a low stone wall perhaps three feet in height and at the entrance is a jasmine covered gateway.

It soon became obvious that the gateway was a formidable obstacle.

He stepped under the archway, glanced all around and overhead and quickly stepped back. I was silently cheering for him as he finally, after eight or ten failed attempts, stepped into the park and walked to a picnic table where he sat down and opened a paper bag and began eating his lunch.

The anxiety exhibited by the "Hesitant Man" must be a horror to live with. Everything he encounters is to be approached as an obstacle, a challenge. Nothing is easy or simple.

I am at a crosswalk.

I am at that Jasmine covered gateway.

I am at the place where I must make a decision about placing my Nancy in a nursing home.

I have vacillated, hesitated. It is easier to demur than make this horrible decision, but?
There comes a time when a decision must be made.

Sometimes we need someone to hold our hand and walk with us across the street and through the jasmine covered archway.

O.K. Lord, here I am, I know what needs to be done. Walk with me now and guide me. Thanks Lord for being there for me.
Thanks for revealing to me the "Hesitant Man."

Charles

COINCIDENCE?

2008-07-22T23:29:00.002-04:00

We as caregivers never know when our lives may impact the live of others.
People are watching us, listening to us. What examples are we giving?

There is an unwritten law in the far north that folks help one another in time of difficulty.

People stranded in vehicles have died from exposure therefore when a stalled vehicle is spotted travelers usually go out of their way to render assistance.

My daughter Faith, along with her husband Steve who was working on the Alaskan pipeline at the time along with another couple, had left Fairbanks Alaska far behind and were on their way to Valdez to visit Faith’s Uncle, Milford Taylor whom she had never met.

Still some distance from Valdez they passed a pickup truck alongside the road with two men standing near it. “We should stop, see if they need help!” Steve suggested. But the others vigorously protested that they didn’t know the men and anything could happen out there in the middle of nowhere.

Outvoted and overruled, Steve continued driving. Several miles farther down the highway their car inexplicably died leaving them stranded in the bitterly cold Alaskan winter.

The men worked under the hood with no luck, achieving little more than frostbite while the girls shivered in a cold car that grew colder by the minute.

A half hour passed and then an hour.

The situation was looking desperate when hope was aroused.

Faintly in the distance an approaching vehicle could be heard, perhaps help was on the way!
Much to the travelers embarrassment that same pickup truck that they had so callously passed drew near, slowed and stopped.

The two strangers insisted that the ladies sit in the warm cab of their truck while they worked on the stalled vehicle and In a short time the car was running again and they were on their way.

Steve drove in silence for a while before he said, “you know, it would have served us right if they hadn’t stopped. I don’t believe I have ever seen a more obvious case of Christianity in action and we didn’t even get their names. The next time I see a stalled vehicle I’m going to offer my help.”

Arriving in Valdez they soon found the Taylor’s address and pulled into the drive where they sat in stunned disbelief.

Parked in the driveway was a pickup truck. The very same pickup truck driven by the good Samaritans that had rendered them assistance way back on that cold stretch of Alaskan road.

Coincidence? At Faith’s somewhat tentative knock a man answered the door. Yep, you guessed it; it was their Good Samaritan, Faith’s uncle, Milford Taylor.

"And some have entertained angels unawares."

THE SHOEBOX

2008-07-20T13:47:00.003-04:00

I picked this off the internet but I thought is was apropo for this blog. I hope you get a chuckle as I did. Charles

A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.

They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all of these years, he h ad never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover .

In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box
and took it to his wife's bedside.

She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000.

He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,' she said,
'my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'

The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box.

She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.

'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money? Where did it come from?'

'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer.......

Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods; Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't know how to crochet.

LIVE LIKE YOU ARE DYING

2008-07-15T09:04:00.002-04:00

WHAT SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE TO MAN

2008-07-10T21:52:00.003-04:00

"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist…"
Those were the last words of Union Army General John Sedgwick just as he was killed by a Confederate sniper's bullet. 1864

Please, never say it can't happen.
Sir Winston Churchill gave one of the shortest and yet most famous speeches of all time when he spoke those memorable words,
"Never, never, never, never give up."

You might think that those two quotes are irrelevant to the tale I am about to relate but please, bear with me and you will understand the relevance.

We are told that those afflicted with the neurological disease, multiple sclerosis are often abandoned by family members due to the victim's drastic mood and personality changes.
As the disease ravages its host, lesions grow on the myelin sheath surrounding the brain basically short circuiting certain areas of that wonderful organ. In most patients this primarily affects the motor function creating changes in gait and often leading to the victim being confined to a wheelchair.

Usually, along with the break down of mobility, there is also some emotional change. In other words what one has always considered normal might very well take a vacation.

My dear wife, Nancy, showed the first signs of Multiple Sclerosis nearly thirty years ago.
At one time she went nearly blind but then her sight was restored. She displayed the classic occasional feeling of numbness in her hands and feet.

Nancy had graduated with honors from The University of Pittsburg with a degree in religious studies and went on to teach both religion and Human Sexuality. She traveled on three different occasions to Isreal and participated in archeological digs at Tel Dor and other sites.

It was while climbing the great pyramid in Egypt that she first experienced what was to be the beginning symptoms of M.S., when she temporarily went blind in her left eye.

Back home she created a bible times and customs museum, The Museum of The Living Word, that was visited by scholars from all over the world.

It has been stated that Multiple Sclerosis strikes the brightest and the best but in reality it is no respecter of persons.

As time passed Nan's behavior went from strange to weird and then to cockameemy, causing her to make some decisions she probably would not have made otherwise. Marrying me was probably a pretty good example.

Her behavior became more and more erratic leading her to move to Florida where we met and were married.

When Nancy moved to Florida she left that previous portion of her life behind with little or no regard for the consequences.

Husband, son, mother, father, brother, sister, all were left behind. Was this because she no longer loved them? Was it because she no longer needed them? I would say, no! A resounding no! What was going on within Nanny's mind? What was she feeling, thinking, fearing?

And all of this was caused by the raging confusion that was endeavoring to destroy even the last vestige of the bright and beautiful lady that I know as my wife, Nancy.

One day I came home to an empty house.

Nanny was gone.

I ended up calling the police to learn that Nan had committed herself to the local mental health facility because she had been harboring suicidal thoughts.

The facility that Nan ended up at is a seventy two hour hospital for patients that have been Baker acted.

Nan spent the next three weeks being fed psychotropic drugs. When I took her home they had sent my dear wife on a hellish vacation into a realm of hopelessness and self doubt.

Nanny could not sleep and when she was awake she was lost, wandering through a vast bewildering jungle of confused thoughts and fears and at other times a desert of despair and horrible loss.

After that?

As time passed Nanny was diagnosed with Bi-polar disorder on top of the original diagnosis of M.S., then she was diagnosed with mild dementia and early onset Altziemers disease.
Rarely will you hear a doctor admit that he might not have an answer for to do so would break his godlike hold on the people that trust him.

Three of Nan's doctors encouraged me to place her in an assisted living facility but I knew that she could not tolerate that for she would interpret it as another example of abandonment.

Some ten years ago when Nancy moved to Florida her son, feeling that his mother no longer needed him severed all connections with his mother.

Please, do not judge the young man harshly for at this time the evil one was doing all in his power to destroy this family and to great affect.

At one point I began sending Nancy's son E-mails, informing him of his mother's condition. For the longest time there was no communication and then one day a card came for Nan. That simple greeting card spoke volumes to me of a son that yearned for his lost mother.
More time passed with an occasional card.

I kept on contacting the son, patiently, lovingly coaxing, persuading.

One day I received an e-mail that seemed most volatile, telling of his hurt and reluctance to ever have any relationship with his mother.

I ignored that letter.

More time passed with many more e-mails going than coming.

Then one day I went to the computer and read, "Charles, thank you so much for standing by my mother through what must be a very difficult time and thank you for persevering with me."

I read the rest of that letter through tears of joy for I realized that God was reaching out and touching a soul.

More time passed and one day I received an e-mail that told of an upcoming visit to Florida. The letter stated that he and his wife would like to come and visit if we would be receptive to the idea.

Would we be receptive? Well, what do you think???

The time arrived when he called to inform us that he and his wife and their two children, oh didn't I mention the grand children? Two beautiful grandbabies that Nancy had never seen? Anyway, they were going to spend a day at Disney world and he wanted to know if his mama would like to come along?

Well, to make a long story short Nancy spent the better part of two delightful days with her son and his wife and the grandchildren.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow!

Do you remember when the Union Army General John Sedgwick was killed by that snipers bullet? That was an impossible shot.

Most people considered Nancy's situation with her son impossible but our God is Lord of the impossible.

Do you remember Churchill's famous speech? "Never, never, never, never, give up." Well, if I had given up nothing so beautiful would have happened.

We must not, can not, give up on the individual.

Please, please don't give up on Nancy.

Thank God, He never gives up on us.

THE THREE DEADLY GIFTS

2008-07-06T14:20:00.003-04:00

There are three deadly gifts that are guaranteed to kill any relationship.

It doesn't matter what type of relationship or how long it has been in effect. It could be a working relationship with your boss or an employee, or perhaps with your partner or your secretary, Or maybe it is a platonic relationship with a very good friend or a relative. Closer to home and even more personal, perhaps it is with a son or a daughter, or just perhaps your husband or wife.

No matter what type of relationship, these three gifts are so destructive that when they are brought into the game, each one by itself, given enough time, will play havoc, causing unbelievable discord. Invariably, when all three are used together, which is usually the case, it is a clear indication that the relationship is in terrible danger.

The three deadly gifts are especially effective when brought into play during matrimony. There is no marriage that can endure for long when assaulted on an ongoing basis by what some consider harmless banter, or, ”Just kidding.” In the beginning what at first seemed innocent invariably becomes a full blown attack, pernicious in its vehemence and purpose.

What are these three deadly "gifts"? Do they work every time? Are they really as destructive as I claim? And if they are really this deadly, is there no hope?

To answer the last question first the answer is ‘Yes’, unequivocally and absolutely there is hope, which I will approach in a moment. And yes, the terrible truth of the matter is, they do work every time if those involved don’t recognize what is happening and they fail to seek the necessary help.

Concerning your question “What are these three deadly "Gifts"?” They are Complaining! Criticizing! and Condemning!

Like all insidious little demons, once given residence they do not rest, they are relentless and absolutely tireless in their purpose and intent.

These three deadly "gifts" will tear the heart out of any relationship, and that is guaranteed! They are so affective that without help to combat them they work 100% of the time.

Complaining, Criticizing and Condemning, are guaranteed effective in destroying whatever they touch. Bring these three big guns into play and there is no marriage that can withstand the barrage.

Eventually it (the marriage) will fail due to the fact that these three demons destroy respect and no relationship can endure without that most valuable commodity.

Oh, I am sorry, I said that I guaranteed the effectiveness of the three deadly sins. Well, that is not true, It is not me, I am just an observer and as much as I hate to admit it, an occasional participant in the game, after all, how else could I know how effective they are? No, I am not the guarantor, the devil is, and he knows very well their destructive power. After all, he invented them and he has been using them to good effect for an awful long time.

But, and I believe that this should give us hope, there are three words which if used on a regular basis can displace the three deadly sins. They are as follows:

#1, is Praise. Praise, when used in the place of criticism builds respect.

#2, is Please. Please the other person and soon that person will be your friend.

And #3 is Prove. Prove that you care.

Especially when used in a marriage these three, Praising, Pleasing and Proving, if used consistently and with absolute sincerity, will displace the three deadly sins and in their place will grow a miracle called LOVE.

I CAN'T FIND MY KEYS?

2008-07-02T16:10:00.002-04:00

One evening at the beginning of it all the phone rang.

I could tell by her voice that she was distraught and that she had been weeping.

She had left her workplace and instead of turning right she had turned left onto the highway and drove, and drove, and drove.

In that twenty plus mile section of highway there are a minimum of fifty plus sets of traffic lights.

My Nanny was confused, disoriented, frightened.

We were fortunate this time due to the fact that she remembered our phone number.

I was able to find someone to go with me to drive Nan's car back.

A short time after this the incident repeated itself.

Another twenty mile rescue trip.

Each time she was so relieved when she saw me. That beautiful smile never fails to brighten my day.

During this same time period she had three fender benders and a rear ender in which she tail ended a pickup truck at a stop light.

I said to myself, "Self, something is just a tad wrong here!"

I enrolled Nanny into an AARP driving coarse, she failed. It seems that she could no longer recognize traffic signs, lights or directions. She had difficulty parking, stopping.
Concensus, no more driving.

We recently went to Wall Mart and Nanny was excited with the idea of driving one of the electric shopping carts. DISASTER!!!

She ran into displays, other shopping carts, and she tried to run down other shoppers!
I couldn't help but think of Mr. Toad in the charming book, Wind in The Willows. As he was a menace to himself and everyone else so was Nanny.

It is a good thing that there wasn't a traffic policeman present or she would have been given a ticket for reckless driving of a shopping cart.

Nan can no longer drive. She doesn't understand why but that is the cold fact of the matter.

How difficult it must be to lose the ability to do something that you have done for so many years you take it for granted, it has become commonplace.

Just recently I discovered Nancy sitting in the driver's seat of our pickup truck.

She was dressed, she had her make-up on, her purse was on the seat beside her.

I walked up to the driver's window and looked in at her. There she sat, face wet with tears, she was crying.

I opened the door and put my hand on her arm.

She looked at me and smiled that beautiful smile as she said, "I can't find my keys, have you seen my keys?"

THE LOVE LETTER

2008-06-27T17:39:00.004-04:00

Dear Nancy,

My dear, dear little girl, I don't know if I have ever told you this but I remember so well when you were born. Dear God, were you ever a beautiful baby!

I can still remember how I felt when I discovered that I was pregnant with you.

You might wonder how I felt so I will try to tell you. It was as though something magical was happening, something mysterious; something so wonderful, so joyous that it was beyond my ability to put it into words. And to be honest with you, as much as I try; it is still like that after all of these years.

Suffice it to say that you were and still are the light of my life.

As I held you in my arms that first time and looked at your precious little squinched up face, as I held your darling little hand between my fingers, as you nursed at my breast, I felt so fulfilled, so full of joy.

The years passed all too swiftly and I watched as you grew from a toddler into a little girl, then a child woman, and then into Nancy, the woman, the wife, the mother.

Oh honey, what a wonder it was when you placed your son, my grandson, into my arms.

Nancy, our dear Nancy with the smiling face, how I love you.

You will always be my special little girl and I will always be there for you sweetheart.

Do you remember that special trip to England that we took, just the two of us? Do you remember when we drove to Canada?

I love you so much sweetheart, you are precious in my sight. I could never ask for a better daughter. I am so proud of you. I don't know if I ever told you that I looked upon your many accomplishments as my own. Yes my daughter, I am proud of you.

I am going to come for a visit soon honey and we will do something special together, just the two of us.

Lots of hugs and kisses,

Love you baby,

Mum

Dear Reader,
This letter is not real. It is a wished for letter.
As much as I wish it were real it is just a piece of my imagination.
For whatever reason Nancy's Mama has made no contact for several years and now that she is also ill it is unlikely that she will ever reach out again.

Dear God please touch the hearts of family members. Let them feel the need of loving family contact.

For the victim of Alzheimer's dementia, family is essential for maintaining contact with life, with normalcy, with love.

Please, reach out and contact that family member today, before it is too late.

Believe me; you will not be sorry for the effort.

Charles

AWARENESS

2008-06-23T21:14:00.002-04:00

HELLO! IS ANYBODY HOME?
By
Charles Towne

It has been my experience that most people not only do not understand Alzheimer's disease but they don't even have a clue. Oh, they have heard that it affects memory but that is about the extent of the average person's knowledge.

"Alzheimer's? Oh you mean Old timer's disease!" is a standard joke, and then they will roll their eyes as they launch into the, "Oh, I lose my keys all of the time, and my father would spend an hour searching for his glasses and they would be perched on his head all of the time." Routine.
Hey folks, that aint Alzheimer's, that's life!

Simply put, in Alzheimer's disease lesions grow on the myelin sheath surrounding the brain. These lesions eat holes in the myelin sheath which is similar to scraping off the insulation from an electric cord, with the insulation gone a short circuit is not only possible but inevitable and with the victim of Alzheimer's the short circuit is not just possible it is reality.

I believe it would help if people were more aware of the complications of the disease, of the dementia, the terrible confusion, the fear, but then I'm probably wrong. How could that help the patient, the victim of this terrible disease?

The other day I called Nan's doctor to find out the date of her next appointment. The receptionist told me, "Nancy will have to reschedule because she missed her last appointment which was the day before yesterday." At this I exclaimed, "Oh, I'm sorry, usually you call and alert me the day before the appointment!" To which the receptionist replied, "I did call Mr. Towne. I talked to your wife and gave her the time and date!"

Well, Duh!

At that point I had to shake my head.

This is the same office Nancy has been going to for several years. I am sorry but I expect that young lady to recognize Nancy by now. To remember that she has Alzheimer's with its accompanying dementia and memory loss but then, I may be wrong.

GRAVEL TO GOLD

2008-06-18T13:11:00.007-04:00

GRAVEL TO GOLD, THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY
By
Charles Towne

We all like to know that we are appreciated, right?

Sad as it might be some folks simply do not have the capacity to understand when serious illness strikes a family member. As I have already shared with you, my dear wife has been hit with a double whammy, Multiple Sclerosis and now Alzheimer's disease.

Nanny is so very delighted when I tell her that I love her. She absolutely revels in any kind word. When I tell her she is beautiful she beams. When I tell her that she looks nice she delights in it.

She is like a child in so many ways. I have finally arrived at the place in life where I believe that we are all childlike in one way or another.

She tells everyone that she was named after Frank Sinatra's daughter, Nancy with the smiling face. She tells people that she is beautiful, (she really is you know.) Sometimes she goes into her Betty Boop routine, you know, "Boop boop e doop."

This is my wife, and yes, this is my life.

One thing that I have come to recognize through all of this is the value of family, not only to the patient but to the caregiver as well.

In the last ten years Nancy's father has not contacted her more than a half dozen times and in the last five or six years there has been no contact at all that was not initiated by Nan. Both of her parents are still alive and she has a sister and a brother. Contact is only from her sister and that is perfunctory at best.

The last time Nan was in the hospital her sister drove two hours to see her and Nan didn't recognize her at first.

It must be remembered that the more contact there is the stronger the relationship because it will reinforce recognition.

I contacted Nanny's father four or five years ago to tell him that it would help if he called now and then or sent a letter. He became angry and said that he was sick too and if she wanted to talk she knew his phone number. Then he told me to never call back.

Family, family ties. A loving family. Those are nice words and they should mean something special. Family is where you should be able to go when in time of trouble. Family is where you turn when in need of loving support. Family is to be depended upon. Hey, if you needed a kidney who would you go to?

Family is going to be there for you and you are going to be there for them, right? At least that is the way families should be

A support group should begin with family and it should end with family. The gaps can be filled with other caregivers but family members, reaching out in love fill a void that cannot be filled any other way.

There are two ladies from church that have reached out to Nan in love. One is Ellen, the other is Martha. These two ladies epitomize Christian love. They each have several other ladies they reach out to plus they have their own lives. Between the two ladies they spend a few hours every couple of weeks taking Nancy out window shopping, visiting, laughing, doing her hair. They lend a touch of normalcy to my dear Nanny's life.

Dear God, how important is family!

MOMENT BY MOMENT

2008-06-14T23:21:00.002-04:00

GRAVEL TO GOLD, EVERY DAY IS AN ADVENTURE
By
Charles Towne

"From moment to moment one can bear much." Teresa of Avila

Challenged by the hurt of a loved one we are called to compassion and caring.

I have said, "Honey, I love you and because I love you, you will never be alone." But how can one make such a promise? More importantly, how can such a promise be kept or fulfilled?

There have been those times that Nan has almost seemed to be a black hole; sucking in all around her, light and life itself until all that is left is an impermeable darkness. This then is the origin of despair, of futility.

It is so very important to take care of those around us but it is just as important to care for ourselves. Once we are disabled or dead we can't help ourselves let alone those that need us.

As difficult as it may be there comes a time when we have to admit that our loved one, our beloved, has taken a journey to a place where we cannot follow.

Don't try to look too far ahead. It wasn't intended for mortal man to see the future and for very good reason, most of us would not be able to endure the view.

FACE THE MUSIC

2008-06-11T11:02:00.003-04:00

HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE RUNNING
By
Charles Towne

When my first wife, the mother of my children, was killed by a drunken driver those years past, I was so sad that I felt like running. I did run in a sense, into another marriage, too soon and MOST disastrously.

My second wife was a runner and when she abandoned my children and I the sadness almost destroyed me, I felt like running.

Now, my dear little Nanny is crippled with M.S. as well as Alzheimer's disease, and guess what? Yep, that's right, I feel like running.

Frankly, I believe these feelings are to be expected, they are natural, "normal."

It takes terrible discipline to stand and face a threatening bear or a lion. It takes terrible discipline to run into a burning house to save someone at your own risk and it takes the same type of discipline to stand firm when a loved one is being consumed by a life threatening illness.

But it must be said, feelings do not need to be acted upon. In fact many times instead of running we would be far better off if we stood and faced the raging beast that threatens us.

The fight or flight syndrome is hardwired into each of us.

When something threatens us it is natural to want to put space between ourselves and that perceived danger be it a maniac with an ax, a raging bull ellihipponoceros or a debilitating illness.

For much of my childhood I was controlled by my fear. I was afraid of the dark. The far off wail of a train and the rumble of its wheels on the tracks as it passed not far from our home was a terrifying sound to me.

I was afraid of getting beat up so I got beat up. When you have a victim mentality you invariably become a victim and the victim tends to overcompensate. I became a bully.

Being a bully creates its own set of problems. It attracts attention but not the sort desired. It also attracts other bullies, and It drives those people away that would be true friends. Oh yes, and bullies always meet bigger bullies and they always end up getting the bejeebers kicked out of them.

And then there is that other thing about running away, you will always know in your heart of hearts that you should have stood and faced the problem head on, responsibly.

That means you should get help.

When you know in your heart of hearts that facing the situation alone is going to have disastrous results than seek assistance: support groups, family, church, (and remember, church is not necessarily God.) Go to Him in prayer, and then, finally; placement in a care facility, whatever it takes.

The temptation to run away may be great but remember, when facing a predator the worst thing you can do is turn your back and run, the damned thing will run you down and eat you right down to your socks.

ANY DOUBT THAT YOU ARE LOVED?

2008-06-07T18:15:00.003-04:00

WHOM THE GODS LOVE THEY DRIVE CRAZY
By
Charles Towne

John Steinbeck, writing in his book, "Sweet Thursday" entitled a chapter, "Whom the gods love they drive nuts."

That idea might very well lead one to believe that Steinbeck thought that "nuts" was somewhat akin to perfection, which, if it is true gives me hope and persuades me to believe that Nan and I just might be closer to perfection than I thought.

Nanny is beginning to really show signs of memory loss. She has even joked about it during our lighter moments. "My rememberer isn't much good anymore but I have an excellent forgetter!"
We also joke about the fact that she can watch the same movie on two consecutive nights and each night she swears that she has never seen it before. That makes for the ultimate cheap date. Think of it, our extensive video library could be made up of only one DVD!

Following are 10 of Nanny's most hilarious one liners:

(1) "Huh?"
(2) "What?"
(3) Nanny asks, "Do you know what I would like to do?" Me, "No, what?" Nanny, "I don't remember."
(4) Nanny asks, "Do you know what I would like to do?" Me, "No, what?" Nanny, "What, what?"
(5) Nanny, with a puzzled expression on her face, "Where am I?"
(6) Nanny, with a puzzled expression on her face, "Who are you?"
(7) Nanny, "I love you Richard!" (This one never fails to crack me up seeing as my name is not Richard.)
(8) "When are we going to eat?" This is another good one especially when my sweetie says it as I am clearing the table.
(9) "I am sorry for being so much trouble." This never fails to get a laugh, especially as the tears are running down her cheeks.
(10) "Why?" This is a classic and it covers a multitude of situations and can be used in response for everything from, "Why do I have to get up?" To, "Why do I have to go to bed?" To, "Why do I have to take those pills?" And then of coarse there is my all time personal favorite, "Why is this happening to me?"

Boy, ain't life a hoot?

Charles

THE SWEET SMELL OF ANGER

2008-06-06T15:38:00.006-04:00

BURNING DOG HAIR
By
Charles Towne

Anger really stinks. It seems to contaminate and permeate not only the atmosphere but the very souls of all involved.

I will never forget the time we were camping in the upper peninsula of Michigan.

There were five of us in a tiny deer hunting cabin that was designed to handle three people at the most. Yes, there were five of us, four nice normal blokes like myself and one practical joker.

On one side of the cabin was a sheet metal woodstove which, due to the chill of the weather we kept burning all night long.

In the wee hours of the morning of our first night in the cabin we awoke to realize not all was well in paradise. A noxious stench threatened to overwhelm the olfactory senses of each and every one of us.

Someone turned on a flashlight. The cabin was full of smoke!

With much muttering and grumbling and a few choice expletives one of the guys stumbled toward the door and threw it open and It wasn't long before we were all standing and shivering in a little huddle outside the cabin as we tried to figure out what had happened.

There were several suggestions not the least entertaining of which was the idea that perhaps a porcupine had blessed us by dieing in the stoves chimney and had fallen into the fire.

For the remainder of our sojourn in that little cabin we all smelled like burning dog hair. Our clothes smelled like burning dog hair as did our food. I am reminded of the Peanuts character, Pig Pen, you knew he was there because of his dust cloud. We carried that sweet stench everywhere we went, wearing it almost as an invisible cloud, a most unique atmosphere.

It wasn't until a few days later as we sat in a restaurant on the way home that we learned that the practical joker of the group had crawled out of his bunk in the middle of the night and while the rest of us slept the sleep of the pure of heart and dreamed of giant whitetail bucks, he crept silently to the stove and threw a bag of dog hair that he had carried from home especially for the purpose, into the hot stove.

After performing this evil deed he crept back to his bunk and laid there waiting.

He didn't have to wait very long.

I don't know if you have had the singularly delightful experience of smelling burning dog hair but needless to say it is not something that you will soon forget.

Uncontrolled anger is sort of like that, it smells really bad. Sort of like burning dog hair.

"In the dark times the eye begins to see. The dark times are not our enemy. Dark times empty the world of things that would otherwise distract us from seeing the important things. Enter the darkness with confidence." Theodore Roethke

DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN CLOUD?

2008-06-02T16:25:00.008-04:00

THE BRAIN CLOUD, A TERMINAL ILLNESS?
By
Charles Towne

If you have a brain cloud please keep reading. If you don't believe you have a brain cloud keep reading anyway because you probably do and are in deep denial.

Joe, Tom Hanks' character in the movie, "Joe vs. the volcano" is a dyed in the wool hypochondriac. He goes to a doctor who tells him that he has a "brain cloud" and only has six months to live.

Joe expresses relief at this "good"news. He always knew something was wrong with him and this brilliant Doctor has confirmed it by agreeing with him!

I absolutely love joe's response to the Doctor's diagnosis. Joe says, "So, I'm not sick except for this terminal disease!"

The Doctor reassures Joe with the words, "You have some time left, my advice to you is, live it well."

That seems to be pretty good advice for everybody, no matter the circumstances, no matter the difficulty. "You have some time left, my advice to you is, live it well."

Not long ago my son gave me a computer monitor with a 17 inch screen to replace the postage stamp size monitor I had been using. When he left our house the old monitor was left sitting on the floor. It wasn't in the way and I knew he would be back to get it so I shoved it aside to await his return.

The next day I had to leave the house for awhile and when I returned Nancy had lugged that heavy monitor to the front door.

I was upset and I let her know that I was upset in no uncertain terms. "What if you had dropped it?" "What if you had hurt yourself? "What if…?"

Nanny took my barrage silently, and then she started to cry as she said in a little girl voice, "All I wanted to do was help."

God, how ashamed I was for de-valuing her as a person, as a human being.

"All I wanted to do was help."

Oh, I held her. I told her that I was sorry and I asked for her forgiveness but it would have been so much better if I had simply kept my big mouth shut.

Another day I found Nanny standing in the middle of the living room with an expression of confusion on her face.

There are those times in the past when a blank look precluded a seizure where she would just collapse, unconscious to the floor but this was different, simply confusion.

She glanced at me as I asked her what was wrong and then she said in that child voice, "I wanted to vacuum the floor but I don't know where the vacuum cleaner is?"

Gently, with a smile, I said, 'Honey, turn around."
She looked at me questioningly and I repeated myself. "Nanny, turn around and look behind you sweetheart."

Now what I really wanted to say at that point was, "Well turn around and look behind you, ya ninny!" But I didn't. I chose the more gentle approach, this time.

She slowly turned. The vacuum was standing behind her no more than three feet away.
She looked at me, still that look of confusion wrinkling her brow.

I pointed at the vacuum cleaner and asked, "Is that what you're looking for honey?"

Then her eyes lit up as she smiled and clapped her hands like a little child as she exclaimed, "Oh, there it is!"

How does one lose an upright vacuum cleaner that is standing within arms reach?

Easy when you are having difficulty keeping things organized. Easy when you forget where you are. Easy when nothing comes easy anymore. Easy when you sometimes forget who you are.

I guess you can learn to appreciate the little things because the incident with the vacuum cleaner turned out good, she at least remembered that she was looking for the vacuum cleaner.

So, I've got to ask you, who has the brain cloud, Nanny because she is ill, or me because I'm a grumpy old poop? (Nanny agrees with the grumpy old poop part.)

ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CAREGIVER

2008-05-30T22:03:00.003-04:00

THE THRILL OF BEING ABLE TO PUT A BUTTON IN A BUTTONHOLE.
By
Charles Towne

I guess this is about being happy in the little things.

This morning at about 4 A.M. I was awakened by Nan as she crawled out of bed to go to the bathroom.

A short time later I heard her moving around in the kitchen so I got up to see what she was doing. She was lost.

As I led her back to bed she laid down and began to giggle. I was curious so I asked her what was so funny and she replied, "the buttons won't go all the way up!"

I asked, "what buttons won't go all the way up?"

She pointed at her nighty and said, "these buttons!" which was all the more confusing because it was a pull over nighty with no buttons. As she said this she started giggling again and her eyes twinkled as she said, "I got'cha!"

There she was, my Nanny, and we laid there in each others arms and laughed over "The buttons that wouldn't go all the way up."

This afternoon Nanny decided that she wanted to go for a walk. She was putting on her hat as she came to me and asked for a "little kiss". We made kissing sounds and as Norman, Henry Fonda's curmudgeonly character in the movie, "On Golden Pond" said, we "sucked face" and Nan went for a walk while I continued making funny little bird tracks on paper.

Time passed, as did three pages of text and I thought, 'Hmmm, Nan should be in by now?'

I went to the window and looked out into the back yard and there was Nanny, leaning against a tree as she brushed leaves and spider webs from her clothing.

I headed for the back yard post haste and as I was approaching her I called out, "Nanny, are you alright?"

She looked at me and smiled and said, "Yes, I'm O.K., just frustrated is all!"

I asked her, "What happened, did you fall down?

She was still smiling as she said, "Yes, back there on the trail. And I couldn't get up so I crawled through the trees to get this far. Darn it, this sure is frustrating."

Then her smile got even bigger as she exclaimed, "Hey, it's not everybody that gets to go for a walk crawl!"

And that is my Nanny.

Isn't it nice knowing that we have the blessed hope? Just think of it, some day Nan is going to be made whole again by our friend, Jesus , the life giver.

THE LAST LECTURE, By Randy Pausch

2008-05-27T21:02:00.003-04:00

This blog entry is about attitude. We caregivers can become worn down, exhausted, until we are walking around like open wounds, our pain very obvious, all too obvious at times, for all to see. What message are we sending to others? One of defeat, or one of hope?
Herein I would like to introduce the readers of this blog to an incredible book. This best seller is well worth your time to read. This one is on my list of, "beg, borrow or…borrow, books.
Randy Pausch's book, "THE LAST LECTURE" just recently came to my attention though it has been on the best seller list for some time.
If you have not read Randy's book do so. Randy has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and yet his attitude is that of a hero, of a man who stands head and shoulders above his peers.
I needed to read the book, perhaps you do too. Go out and get yourself a copy, there are lots of gems in it for struggling people. Perhaps you will know what to say in your "Last Lecture." Charles

2008-05-23T16:59:00.002-04:00

THE MISSING VIRTUE
By
Charles Towne

I'm sitting at my computer deeply engrossed in doing my little two finger dance on the keyboard.

Let's see now, it is important that I get this just right. Zingo! What an idea! I start to type it out when from the living room, "Charles, Honey; would you come in here and put a video in for me, Please?"

I grit my teeth and keep typing. Oh, don't get me wrong, I feel guilty. "But I'm working on something important here." And with that I really feel guilty as a still small voice speaks to me.

"Charles," The still, small voice says, (I always know that I am in trouble when the still small voice calls me Charles,) "Charles, When you say you are working on something important does that mean that Nancy, your wife, is not important? You're not really saying that are you Charles?"

That still, small voice never plays fair, always using my conscience against me that way.

Grumbling to myself I get up hoping that I will be able to pick up where I left off and I go to the living room to put a video into the player.

Why does this have to be my problem? Why doesn't anybody help me? Where is her family? I'm tired, I need some relief!

When I go to the living room I am sure there is a huge black cloud hanging over my head. Can Nanny see the huge black cloud? Well, duh? I mean, it is after all a huge black cloud. There is usually nothing very subtle about huge black clouds.

My day seems to be made up of episodes like that. Little things, little interruptions which seem determined to test me, to almost drive me to distraction.

And therein lays the crux of the matter for they really are, 'little things'.

The devil's moles are at it again making little insignificant molehills appear to be gigantic, overwhelming mountains full of mile deep crevasses that I keep falling into.

And Nanny sits there with that beautiful smile on her lovely face

GRAVEL TO GOLD, Anger

2008-05-19T20:17:00.004-04:00

Another chapter in the book, GRAVEL TO GOLD

Charles Towne

When a debilitating illness seems on the verge of destroying your life and all that you hold dear it is only reasonable to feel some anger.

During the blitz of the second world war, Nazi Germany dropped thousands of tons of bombs on London, England in an attempt to bring the British people to their knees in submission.

The affect was just the opposite.

England as a whole stood erect and shook their fists in an appropriate anger at the war machine of Hitler's Germany.

And they were victorious.

Now many years later London, England is still fighting the blitz.

Many of those thousands of bombs dropped by the bombers slammed with brutal force through houses and streets and some of them failed to detonate. Their delicate clockwork mechanisms failed to set up the chain reaction that was intended to bring oblivion to the British people.

Now, so many years later, some of these bombs are still sleeping, lying dormant all of these long years, just waiting for the right tremor to start that clock ticking again.

Uncontrolled anger can be just like a two hundred pound bomb, waiting, waiting, waiting… And oh yes, they call those unexploded bombs, 'duds'.

Hell, I am angry.

I am angry at the disease.

I am angry at her family because they seem to feel that it is more convenient to ignore or deny the disease and what it is doing to a family member than reach out in love.

I am angry that she can't do more to help herself.

I am angry at the powers that be that seem determined to confound and confuse and delay.

I am angry at myself for failing so many times.

I am angry at myself for being angry.

Yes, I am angry.

And there have been those times that I have been angry at God.

Un-controlled anger is like one of those dud bombs, just sitting there waiting for the right thing to set it off and when it explodes there is an awful lot of peripheral damage.

Personally, my anger tends to be comparable to the 200 lb. bomb type. When it explodes there is usually a lot of peripheral damage so I am learning to ask myself the question, "What good is it going to do to lose myself in something that can't be changed?"

One day Nan and I were having one of our "rage" wars when suddenly she shouted into my face, "I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!"

Now that sweet little declaration of her fondness for yours truly would usually have ended in an explosion but I looked at her, lowered my voice and said as gently as I could, "Honey, you don't really want me to be dead, do you?"

She stood there fairly shaking, her eyes flashing and then her lips began to quiver as she said in a small frail voice, "No, I'm sorry for saying that; I love you."

One of the most infuriating things Nanny can do when we are having an argument is to smile.

Now don't get me wrong, she has a beautiful smile, except when she's angry. When I am upset and she knows I am upset and she smiles it is absolutely one of the worst things she can do.

Many years ago we were burning brush on the old homestead back in Illinois.

I had heaped up branches and underbrush into a huge pile until the top was probably ten or twelve feet in height.

When it came time to set the thing on fire I poured about three gallons of gasoline onto the brush pile, (I was always one to believe that if a little is good a lot was better) and then I struck a match.

I have seen some spectacular things in my life but that somehow has remained with me as a zenith experience.

I threw that match and the next thing I knew I was laying flat on my back, minus my eyebrows and most of my hair.

That huge pile of brush must have jumped about three feet in the air when that gasoline exploded.

Well, I did burn that brush pile.

When I am ticked off about the worse thing you can do is smile, it's just like throwing gasoline on a smoldering fire, there is going to be an explosion.

Anger makes me think of the time I was on my way to Hilton Head, South Carolina and as I was traveling the car some distance ahead of me suddenly swerved into the other lane, then it straightened out and continued on.

I thought at first the other driver had swerved to miss some debris on the road but as I neared the spot I could see that was not the case.

There was little traffic so I pulled to the side of the road. Being a naturalist I am interested in all of nature and there in the road, mortally wounded by the other automobile was one of the largest diamondback rattlesnakes I have ever seen.

The snake, perhaps in excess of six feet long, was not able to crawl for its spine had been crushed. The front half of the reptile was uninjured and as I watched, it convulsed and repeatedly, as in some manic expression of anger, fury and pain, struck its own body, driving three quarter inch long fangs into its own flesh. I watched as the snake worked its jaws at each strike, injecting venom as if purposely endeavoring to bring its agony to an end.

Uncontrolled anger is just like that. We end up doing terrible damage not only to the object of our anger but to ourselves as well.

ANOTHER DAY IN THE LIFE OF A CAREGIVER

2008-05-16T13:48:00.002-04:00

I am learning to value my dear Nanny more each day. I think perhaps it is a God thing.

A friend is having a hard time coping with his wife's Alzheimer's disease. (Boy, can I relate to that.) He says that she can't dress herself anymore, where before she always dressed so nicely and always looked so good now she puts her clothing on backwards and there is no coordination to what she wears. (Been there, seen that!)

She sits by the hour compulsively sewing layers of four inch squares of cloth together. (Compulsive behavior seems to be part of living with Alzheimer's disease.)

His wife moans like an animal at night and is constantly moving and snoring and this keeps him awake. (This is Alzheimer's disease and the confusion that accompanies the disease) And this is the reason that the care giver must learn to help himself and to seek help when needed.

Welcome to our world, the world of the caregiver, the world of Alzheimer's.

Sometimes when I am feeling sorry for myself I think that the hardest thing is to walk this path and not have the where-with-all to make ends meet and yet even that could be worse.

What if Nanny was demanding? What if she expected a new car, lovely clothing, a nice house, beautiful furniture and all of the trimmings? Actually, when I look at it this way I have to praise God because I realize that I have it pretty damned good!

Some people, men more than women I think, are always feeling the need to prove themselves. I have friends that have all of the bling, all of the tinsel and I have to ask myself, 'are they happy'. I don't think so. They never seem to have 'enough' even though they have upgraded to the brightest toys, the fanciest whats-it, the gaudiest thing-a-ma-bobs.

I recently met a most unique gentleman, a Masai warrior from Kenya visiting here on a lecture tour, his name is Koyei. That is pronounced, Coy-yay.

When Koyei came of age, he was 14 years old at the time, in order to prove his manhood, accompanied by three other young men of the same age, he set off from their village to confront the greatest challenge he would ever face. A challenge so daunting, so inimitable that no more than a very limited handful have faced it and lived

What sort of demanding challenge could face a young man still in his teens?

The goal was to pursue and kill a male African lion with only a spear in his hand and believe me when I say all else pales to insignificance when you are looking Simba in the eye. Only when this rite of manhood was accomplished would these youngsters deservedly be called men.

They searched the veldt and the plain until they found what they sought, a small pride of lions presided over by a large male. The young initiates began herding the lions, pushing them, until they were able to separate Simba from his harem of lionesses.

Only when this was accomplished did they began pressuring the big cat, running and shouting and shaking their spears at him in order to force him to make a stand.

Imagine four young men, rudimentary spears in their hands, a short sword at their belt in case all else failed as they faced this magnificent beast.

When he stopped retreating there was only one thing he could do, attack!

He attacked.

There is a saying among the Masai that the man that runs away is a coward and it is better that he be castrated and his balls be given to the dogs. They also say that a man's heart is closer to the back than it is to the front therefore it is easier to kill a man when he is running away.

These young men, these young 'wild' men did not run away, they faced their lion.

Have you ever faced an angry lion? No, probably not.

As a breeder of the large cats in years past I have done just that.

It is not something that you will soon forget.

The eyes, look into the eyes. There is something primal there, something primitive. Look deep enough and you will see your own soul reflected there. To look into the eyes of an angry lion is to know what wild means. Ferocious, pent up fury, a savage, menacing fury that is at once terrible and wonderful to see.

They killed their lion. Yes, Simba Kali, or, the savage lion, fell to their spears that day and he died well but not before mauling three of them in the process.

Koyei was bitten in the neck and his legs were badly clawed. One of his friends died a few days later from his wounds, (he had been eviscerated.)

We do some crazy things to prove our worth but the craziest, even crazier than confronting a full grown African lion with a spear, is to sell our souls for a mess of pottage.

Koyei carries the scars proudly that he received that day and he will carry them to his grave. What will we carry to our grave? A house that is somewhat larger than that of our peers? A nicer car? Makes one think doesn't it? Chaz

A CANDLELIGHT DINNER

2008-05-15T08:41:00.005-04:00

The following happened during the period of adjusting Nanny's meds. Keep it in mind that this is a loving Christian Lady, and I emphasise 'lady'. The use of expletives was not in any way normal before her illness and since her meds have been adjusted it doesn't happen but be forewarned, it can happen.

Imagine if you will a conversation between two "normal" people in a "normal" few minutes in a "normal" marriage.

He, "Hello honey, I'm home."

She, walking up to him she gives him a hug and a kiss and says, "Hi baby, I love you!"

He, Right back at'cha sweets, how has your day been?

She, "It's been a good day, oh yes, your sister called and they want us to have dinner with them this next week sometime."

He, "O.K., you ladies make the arrangements. And honey, don't forget that we have tickets to that concert this coming Saturday evening."

She, "Oh yes, that reminds me, Roger called and he said that he and Gail have tickets to the same concert and they were wondering if we would like to go with them to the concert and have dinner afterward."

He, "Hey, that sounds like fun, can you call them and set it up?"

She, "Sure can. Come on and let's eat. I made that casserole the way you like it and wait 'til you see what I made for desert, my special lemon meringue pie."

Now just maybe that sounds a little scripted, perhaps a little too "normal"

Now let's watch a couple where dementia is a constant resident.

He, "Hey baby doll, where are you.

She, Silence.

He, "Sweetheart, where are you honey?"

She, Silence.

He, searching, "Baby, where are you?"

She, speaking from the hall closet. "Worthless b*****d! S**t, s**t, s**t! Where are you? Where are you? I hate you! Where have you been?" She comes out with a big smile on her face. She has obviously tried to put on her make up and most of her face is painted with lipstick.

She, in a little girl voice. "There's my baby."

He, "I bet you are hungry aren't you sweetie?"

She, "No, I already cooked, I ate."

He, Apprehensively, "What did you cook honey?" As he asks this he is heading for the kitchen.

On the counter are several cans, all open. There is creamed corn, apple sauce, green beans, asparagus, spaghetti sauce and two cans of tuna. Oh boy! All of the contents of the cans have been dumped, one on top of the other onto the kitchen counter. Gravity being the wonderful thing that it is has caused this gourmet's delight to settle and spread, spilling off the counter and onto the floor like a gastronomical avalanche.

You have no idea how many square feet of floor space can be covered with just a little ingenuity, several cans of food, a can opener, and someone walking in it.

There is a spoon in the mess indicating that she has in fact, eaten. Her footprints are all over the floor from where she has walked through the overflow.

The only thing that is missing are the candles and it would be a perfect date.

By the way, I hid the can opener and the knives. (Hiding things is a must do and very viable solution until your memory fails also. In that case you are really in deep stinky stuff.)

Several years have passed since the above described episode. This wierd behavior went on for several months, perhaps a year. Today my Nanny is precious. She is usually happy.
Her world revolves around me, or seems to. I walk into the room where she sits watching the t.v. and she smiles real big and claps her hands like a little girl and says, "There's my darling!" as though she has not seen me for several hours.

And time passes.

THE FEAR IS WORSE THAN THE REALIZATION

2008-05-11T13:47:00.000-04:00

Chaz, I just went thru what you are going thru now. After trying to care for mom and dad for over 6 months, almost going broke because I could not get out and work, I realized I could not do it. In trying to help, I was hurting them.

Here is the letter that I sent out when the day finally came that I broke.
Barry

Good Morning Dear Friends,
Sometime the middle of last year, I moved in with my elderly parents to assist them. For those that do not know, Dad is 91 with dementia and Alzheimer's, mom is 81, sharp as a tack but with diabetes and heart problems. She virtually has been 24/7 care giver to dad for the last 5 years. We all were living in Granbury in their home they bought in 2000.

We had been talking about moving them closer to their doctors and hospital in Burleson, Tx. (about 40 miles away) so sometime in October, Mom and I bought a lovely home together in Burleson and I moved us there. I knew that it was a temporary situation and my thinking was it would be 6 months to 1 year for dad and maybe 2 years for mom. I wanted to keep them "free" for as long as possible. I made a vow that I would never abandon nor neglect them. But I knew that someday, in the future, in the distance future, that time would take its toll and they would require more care than could be provided at home. But, not to think about that now, I would cross that bridge when I got there.

The FUTURE came yesterday............less than 3 months after we had moved into our new home. Across the last 3 months, dad had declined rapidly. Mom had worn herself down trying to be caregiver. I began to recognize the toll that it was taking on my mom and came to the realization that if I did not do something, I would lose both of them. Dad's course is set. His fate is sealed. It is just a matter of time. The only thing we can do is keep him well fed, clean and warm. We thought we were doing a good job....at least the best we could.

But, yesterday was the day. I was the guy. This was the place. The decision had to be made. I dreaded it. I drove to Chisholm Trail Estates which is an assisted living facility that has a wonderful internal Alzheimer's care unit to make arraignments for dad. While I was there, my aunt rushed my mom to the ER where she was admitted to the ICU for a suspected blood clot. When it rains, it pours.

Now I moved from making "arraignments" for dad to doing an emergency admittance. My aunt had both my dad and mom at the hospital. I raced to the hospital to relieve her of dad. (You have to watch him, he's fast. Mom had lost him in Wal-Mart twice in the last month). With dad in hand, I raced back to the care center dreading what I had to do. The time had come. The time that was so far in the future that I need not think about it was staring me in the face. With tears in my eyes, sometimes even unable to speak, I admitted dad into the facility.

Placing dad there was not a mistake. DELAYING PLACING HIM THERE WAS. It was a sight to behold!

People that knew him from years gone by, when they recognized who he was came running. Friends and followers from years past surrounded him, hugged him, greeted him, talked to him. It was like a family reunion. HE CAME ALIVE!!!!!!............At one point, he started preaching a little sermonette. If he would have had a hat, I think he would have taken up an offering! HE WAS JJ AGAIN!!!

Thinking we were doing well for him by trying to keep him home was in reality hurting him! He had become withdrawn. Stared at the wall for hours. Did not read. Would speak only when spoken to. Now he was alive and enjoying all the new found attention!

I left the care facility and raced back to the hospital to check on mom and give her the good news that dad was alive, well and happy. She cried. I cried. We all cried.

Now mom realizes that she can no longer live without assisted care. SOOOOO, across the next few days, I will move some of their furniture to an apartment in the assisted care section of the facility and mom will be a resident there by next Monday. Now to get her strong again.
What a day! But, by the Grace of God, we made it thru. The FEAR of that day, the DREADING of that day turned out to be far greater than the actual day! If any of you have a loved one that is in this type of situation, I beg you, take a hard look at the circumstances and ask yourself if you are helping or hurting them.
Please continue to pray for us
In His Grip,
Barry, Mom and Dad.

WORDS OF HOPE AND COMFORT

2008-05-11T07:33:00.000-04:00

Following is a comment Pastor Joe sent but I thought its beauty demanded that it be placed in the body of the blog. If you want to check out my other blog that my friend mentions here is the link: www.chaz-writersheart.blogspot.com

Chuck, You spoke to my heart with your new blog. You will create a loyal readership for your book. I woke up at 1 am to visit with your blog and was blessed at the honesty and vulnerability of your words of the new blog. Both blogs are so needful. You should link them. They will bless your readers in many ways. I hope your words heal you because they certainly heal me and I'm sure they will heal many others too. Below is my contribution. You have a heart for Caregiver's.

Chuck I am a caregiver too. I am a dad of three wonderful daughters 3, 5, 8. and 25 years old. My wife and I feel they are the biggest blessing in our life. The 25 year old is from my first marriage.

The difference between our Caregiver stress and yours is that your precious wife is a debilitated adult that needs care, vigilance, nutritional meals, round the clock patience, as well as unconditional love

Unlike parents of kids, Caregivers of a debilitated child or adult see NO END IN SIGHT and Seeing no end is daunting.

I grew up with loving, hard working parents that cared for my brother Bill all my life. Bill was not potty-trained until he was nearly 15 years old.

Bill was born without any problem but the birth docs in the early 1950's used forceps and damaged Bill's frontal lobes.

Bill learned to crawl when he was nearly three years old. His appearance is like many of the mentally handicap people you know or have seen.

As we were growing up Bill was treated as a full fledge member of a family of 8 kids and two parents. We immigrated to the USA in 1965 from Colombia and I never heard a complaint from my parents about Bill- They did complain about me and my other 6 siblings because we were typical youngsters and teenagers.

In fact, Bill even complained about us one day- and my mother still laughs to this day telling the story. Bill apparently was tired of dealing with me and my brothers' usual horsing around rambunctious behavior one Saturday afternoon.

He sought my mom out and shared the following observation with her “Mama, I think there is something wrong with my brothers' heads. You better fix them!" My mom roared with laughter and said, "Bill you are so right! I think you are the only normal son I have! Tell those rascals that I will be there in 5 seconds to straighten them out." Bill silently nodded in affirmation of a fact that he had realized on his own but was glad that mom had verbalized. His quick witted response to my mom was, "you better hurry before they get worse." I still laugh too retelling this story.

Bill demanded round the clock care and as children we grew up with the silent life lesson that caring is not about the caregiver but about the one being cared for.

You are right. Caregiving is thankless and draining but if we don't give the needed care who will? Even committing a loved one to a nursing home is Caregiving.

Many times home caregivers can not care for a loved one and require professionals to do the daily care. Surrendering a loved one to paid care can be a caring act too.

Thank God we have options in this country. Well, that is one of our family Caregiving stories I thought I share share, because you seem like a person who cares-and cares a lot.

Bill still lives with my parents who retired for the second time to Colombia two years ago. They took Bill with them after enjoying the USA and living in the greatest country in the world for 40 years.

In Colombia they can afford live in domestic help and the health care not only for Bill who is 56 years old but my parents too, mom 75 and dad is 79. They still love caring for Bill but at my parent's age they can not do what Bill needs.

The key factor in making a life altering decision to return to Colombia at my parent's age was so that they can supervise Bill's care at home and enjoy being cared for at the same time.

They never planned to leave the USA. They love the States and even bought burial plots here. However, when they had trouble caring for each other and Bill it became obvious that they needed another option.

They chose to live in a country where they have family and friends and that affords them a comfortable life style while they care fro Bill.

As adult children of our family we have arrangements to care for Bill in our homes as long as we possibly can when my parents enter their peaceful rest and wait for Jesus to return to make all thing new- especially Bill.

We can't wait to see Bill made new by Christ's graceful creative power - free from the bondage of a debilitating disorder. Oh what a day that will be. I can't wait for the look on my parent's faces when they actualize this reward from God for the life of sacrifice in being Caregivers.

Chuck, you will be there when Nan is made new. Wow!

Thanks for the opportunity to share buddy. You obviously have a caregivers heart. Pastor Joe

FROM MY HEART, THAT YOU MAY KNOW

2008-05-10T21:51:00.000-04:00

The following two notes are very personal but I am sharing them to enable you to see that what I am doing is real. I am facing the same difficulties that you are faced with, the same fears, the same concerns. Please let me know what is happening in your life with a comment at the end of this blog, Charles

Dear Joe,

I need to talk to someone. I am desperate, yes, desperate and exhausted.

The constant strain of taking care of Nan is extracting a terrible toll on me what with the three heart attacks and all.

I think you know that I believe in prayer Joe, but there comes a time?

I could sleep all of the time. I am not suicidal but there are times that I would just like to run, run like hell and never look back but I can't do that even if I want to.

I know I am suffering from depression. If you have any ideas please let me know. I am frustrated because I can't work and even if I could work Nan demands all of my time. I get into a blue funk and can't seem to be able to do anything.

My creative energy seems to be drained from me.

I know I am asking for a miracle but if ever in my life I needed one it is now.

I love My Nanny but how do I even begin to raise a five year old child in an adults body at my age?

Hey, this is what the care giver's book should be about, right? I don't have all of the answers Joe. I don't even seem to have the questions? Any advice is appreciated buddy, Chuck

Following are Pastor Joe's words of wisdom:

Oh Chuck I hurt for you and Nan. You need support.

In times like these the church is supposed to step in and be the family God ordained it to be.
Unfortunately we so often get more help from stones.

Since the church will not be there for you please seek out an MS or Alzheimer's family support group, there are many. When you call them you will find an empathetic concern because they have been where you are today. They may even have a network of support that can give you time away so you can recharge.

Look them up my friend; your own health depends on it. My prayers are with you and Nan as you know. Please let me know that you made the call. Do not put it off.

I love you my friend. Please take care of yourself too. Joe

THOUGHTS FROM A CAREGIVER

2008-05-10T20:50:00.000-04:00

Hi there, My name is charles and I am a caregiver. I am sure nobody starts out with the dream of being a care giver. Can you imagine somebody saying, "Oh boy, I can hardly wait for a loved one to be stricken with some debilitating disease so I will be called upon to care for that person 24/7? No we fall into caregiving through no fault of our own but there it is, we one day wake up to the fact that we are caring for a loved one, and to be honest with you, care giving sucks, big time.

What we are going to do here, or at least my intent is to share some of my experiences with you because God knows, I need to talk to someone.

What follows is a chapter from my book for caregivers. If by chance it somehow strikes a chord, sounds familiar and you have an idea like, 'Shucks, I know exactly what he's talking about, why just last week ...!' If that is you than please, leave a comment.

Care giving is a thankless, low paying job and yet, God, how I love my wife, my Nancy.

As time passes I am going to introduce Nan to you, you will like her for she is a beautiful woman, she is my sweetheart. We are going to get acquainted and you are going to learn some things about me that might make you dislike me but that is O.K., because my purpose is to let other caregivers know that they are not alone.

Oh well, lets start someplace random in the book, just pick a page and start reading shall we?

NORMAL TAKES A VACATION

Days pass and turn into weeks and weeks slowly turn into months and months go by and the months turn into years.

Normal has taken a vacation and left no forwarding address. After awhile if Normal walked through the door I wouldn't be able to recognize him, her or it.

It took me a while to get Nan's med's regulated but in the process, oh boy!

There were the manic phases which are really quite entertaining.

While making the bed I fluff Nancy's pillow and find a butcher's knife under it. (This makes me feel very secure since she has been telling me that she is going to kill me) And what the heck is happening to the dishes? I find them stashed in closets and drawers, bags of dishes, pillow cases with dishes in them. If this keeps up I am determined to get tin pie plates and tin cups, they won't break quite as easy.

Oh yes, and the cigarette butts. Do you realize that America's highways and byways are lined with a trillion zillion quadrillion cigarette butts and counting? And no I didn't count them.
I think that the cigarette butt could be nominated as our national flower. I didn't realize there were so many of the disgusting smelly things. Yes, smelly! I mean bad enough to gag a maggot on a good day.

And If you are wondering why I am mentioning cigarette butts I will tell you, Nancy is the local bag lady. That's right, when she goes for a walk she will carry two or three plastic shopping bags with her into which she will place scraps of paper, beer cans and cigarette butts that she picks up from alongside the road.

Now I want you to know that Nancy does not, nor has she ever smoked but as she walks she will suddenly pause and stare at the ground at her feet. You might get the idea she has discovered some valuable treasure, a diamond ring, a Rolex watch, but no, only another cigarette butt.

A few years ago there was a middle aged man that walked down the street near where we lived and as he walked along he would pick up cigarette butts. This was called 'shooting snipes'. He would carefully peel the paper from the butt and pour the tobacco into a crumpled paper bag that he carried for the purpose. This was how he obtained the raw material for his 'roll your own' habit.

Nan on the other hand collects the detritus that idiot travelers throw from their automobile windows including the cigarette butts to be cleaning the litter from the street.

(A couple of times I have benefited vicariously from her compulsive scavenging such as the time she found a pair of pliers alongside the road and another time she returned with a carpenter's hammer. I still have them both.)

And if the cigarette butts are not bad enough my sweet, delicate little wife picks up road kill. Yep, that's right, road kill, as in car smooshed raccoon, crushed cat, slimy squirrel, suicidal snake as well as truck tenderized possum and aromatic armadillo.

I must say that I give thanks daily for the fact that Nanny has not started putting the various road killed varmints into the refrigerator instead of the trash can.

Look at that will you, we can always find something to be thankful for!

But no matter the beneficial side affects I must say that it is somewhat embarrassing to hear cars honking and look out at the road and see my wife walking along the side of the road, smiling at the traffic and waving with one hand while she is carrying a slightly deceased, road killed, rotten raccoon by the tail with the other.

Oh what the heck, self esteem ain't what it's claimed to be anyway.

GRAVEL TO GOLD

2008-05-10T20:14:00.001-04:00

Chapter # 2, DATING AND OTHER STUFF

Don was absolutely right. Nancy and I have a lot in common all of which can be summed up in one sentence, we both walk on our hind feet and neither of us has the good sense God gave a goofy gopher.

Nancy married when she was young and gave birth to a son, an only child. She graduated Magna Cum Laud with a Master's degree in religious studies from the University of Pittsburgh. She was twenty six years old when she was first diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis.
Multiple sclerosis is a terrible disease striking the young and the beautiful.
Like other neurological diseases M.S. is no respecter of persons and there is evidence that those afflicted with M.S. suffer from a broad spectrum of issues other than the pronounced physical impairments not the least of which can be drastic personality changes and mood swings which might give one the idea that hidden inside that person we once knew is a rabid Tasmanian devil just waiting to get out. These issues take their toll, affecting all involved, spouse as well as children.

Our relationship was bitter sweet, even tumultuous from the very beginning.
Perhaps there is something to it when psychologists claim that there are those personalities that thrive on turmoil like a drug and if it is not present these souls will create it in order to obtain their daily fix.
Who knows what goes on in the human mind?
When it comes to relationships so many of the folks I have known in my somewhat eventful life have the reasoning ability of a bowl of cold oatmeal leading one to believe that just perhaps the chance of rational thought occurring is possibly non-existent.
Time passed and the efforts of psychologists were frustrated to the point of tears and a couple of the psychologists were doing most of the crying.
One psychologist, after eighteen weeks of counseling sessions called me and told me that he couldn't help us.
Well duh!
Oh sure, we realized that all was not well in paradise but it is always easier to play the blame game. How can a psychologist help when those seeking help are in denial to the point of obsession.
We would walk away from those counseling sessions in total agreement. "What can possibly be wrong with that psychologist? I mean, what are we paying him for anyway? We have been seeing him for weeks and he hasn't cured us yet! What a waste of time!"
You might say that our expectations were somewhat other than realistic.
After those grueling counseling sessions we would go home, have a vicious argument, make mad passionate love and start all over again the next morning. (Fighting not loving.)
I am finally learning to be selective as to my choice of these paragons of wisdom.
As I talked to one of the counselors I had the audacity to ask him about the issue of sex. (Hey, don't look so shocked. I may be in my seventies but I'm not dead!) The counselor looked at me as though he thought I was some sort of strange, two headed alien as he said, "Mr. Towne, I believe you have enough to worry about without allowing yourself to be bothered about such things as sex." His answer left me wondering about the veracity and dependability of the expertise of this paragon of wisdom.

I knew there was something desperately wrong but almost from the very beginning I was unable to recognize my complicity in the problem, or maybe it was that I simply didn't want to acknowledge that Mrs. Towne's little boy could be a contributing factor.
Nancy did not tell me that she had Multiple Sclerosis until after we were married. She was afraid that if I knew I would call off the wedding. There is no right or wrong involved in this for she was and is very fragile.
I wouldn't have abandoned her for I loved her too much for that. You see, she is after all my sweetheart, and I did have my suspicions from the time that I found a newsletter from the local chapter of the M.S. society tucked into the cover of her bible.
At this time the disease was in remission so Nanny got around fine but there were signs and I chose to ignore them. Yes, we were each way over our heads in sewage but we were after all in love.
We still are, in love, not sewage
Life, no matter how frustrating, is never without its beauty. We had much beauty, much sweetness: much love. We do today.
Shortly into our marriage I began noticing things. There were moments of confusion, disorientation when my Nanny seemed lost in another place. Or she would be driving home and then she would call me and ask me for directions.
One time she left work and instead of turning right she turned left and drove, and drove, and drove. She drove twenty miles in the wrong direction before calling me.
Another time she took a walk and just kept walking. When she failed to return at the expected time I began looking for her as did the neighbors. We were unable to find her so I called the police.
Seven hours later my little wife came diddly bopping in as happy as a lark telling of how she had walked into the swamp and wandered around and prayed and finally found her way out and was able to find the road and return home.
She was thrilled that she had seen a mama bear with two cubs. Other than mosquito bites, a few miner scratches and being a tad muddy she was no worse for the wear.
The police were quite upset and told me that if I couldn't take care of my wife I should put her in a nursing home.
Nursing home? Were they crazy? Why did my wife need to be in a nursing home? So she had gotten a little twisted around, it could happen to anyone! couldn't it?
Four years into our marriage I came home one day to find the house empty, no Nanny. I waited for a while and finally called the Sheriff's office to learn that my wife had walked barefoot to the corner store in her bathrobe to call the police.
They said that she was very confused and crying when they arrived and that she told them she wanted to die, that she had found a razor blade and was going to kill herself by slicing her wrists.
The sheriff had taken her to the local mental health facility.
My dear Nanny was there for the next three weeks.
I was thrilled when I was informed that it was time for her to come home. They told me that as long as she took her med's she would be O.K.
O.K.? You say she is going to be O.K.?
Well, I was soon to discover that their idea of O.K. was not the same as mine.
Nanny was unrecognizable from her former smiling self.
Her smile was gone and all she wanted to do was sleep and when she was not sleeping she was wandering through the house like a lost soul.
Up until that point I didn't know what the term, "Medicated" really meant.
That night I didn't sleep because she was up prowling the house, opening drawers and doors, moving things around and when I asked her what she was doing she looked at me with a wild gleam in her eyes as she began swearing and cursing at me in a low voice.
Then she looked at me and said with more hate than I had ever had directed at me before in my life, "I hate you, you b-----d! You better not go to sleep tonight. If you do you won't wake up in the morning!"
That next day was hell.
The second day that she was home I discovered that she had defecated in a pair of my shoes.
Now how should I take this, is it personal?
When I asked her why she did this she told me that she was confused and it was dark and she thought that the little closet where my shoes were stored was the bath room.
Excuse me?
But then, I didn't really know what to think because this is the first time anyone ever pooped in my shoes.
At that point I knew that I had to do something but what was I to do? This was the very large question that loomed like the gigantic black bat of despair in front of us.
The following day I ended up taking her back to the mental health facility where she stayed for the next four weeks.